Of Cellphones

Since my cellphone had slipped out of my fingers on Easter Sunday, that crash had set me back when it came to work. Going to an internet cafe was the routine as my internet provider is still not yet done upgrading and data connection was enough, aside from something that cannot be done on mobjle such as picking up links.

Last week, my daughter’s cellphone also fell, and it is in the forever tomorrow it will be fixed repair, and I was able to find at home a basic phone for her to use. The old iPod for connectivity was okay, and I was able to use a hotspot from my daughter’s phone, and when that was broken, I was lent an older iPhone by my other daughter. It has a cracked LCD but it is working fine, and I plan to have it repaired.

As I looked at many cellphones today, the ones that I like are way too expensive as I want one with a HD camera, then I keep on looking at the ones that is for gaming, that can be strapped to the face, and with a control box, and though I am not a gamer, that is so awesome that I cant really settle for less, well, not really as that is silly but thats the way new gadgets do get sold as it has awesome features. I did find one that had a control box but the brand was not that popular, and since I went shopping for cellphones without any intention to buy as I have to study the reviews first, I wont buy unless it is branded, and has other features that I would like.

I might be able to win one or two and I hope that happens, though I just started joining contests again, the percentage of winning is low.

Having pulled out my blogging files and written a few hunting for conact person proposals, to create a tech reviews site  or one that has a larger niche to include appliances, is the way to get better projects so I can just work for phones and other things, like maybe a few new kitchen applicances.  

There are so many cheap phones but then, I would rather not have those as those are a lousy investment. 

Of Working

For over a decade of working online, the never-ending changes made in the way Google behaves, the networks in place, and how it is possible to hang glide, after a 3 month blogging focus, reaching the goal, then after one fantastic event, the Christmas was too near to go to other events. It was a whirlwind, those 3 months, and I had gotten exhausted from travelling as I would attend 2 to 3 events each time I went out, and if it was just one event, i had to be sure it was worth my time. Attending events was fun though I now am very choosy and find my own projects near where I live and other online blog posts that do not require me to travel. Though I want to continue working online and blogging, as that was more than a full-time job, I have to think of my right arm as I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I no longer want to be in pain and though now I am going for offline work, it is going to be rather short-term, as I do have to work on other matters that will generate more income. And, the main reason why I have to is because of my arm, and then a couple of problems that happened online, leaving me virtually empty handed. Also irritating is the one item that should have been in my hands since January, and it does so make me lose motivation. Though, there are a few projects that have come in, easy ones that pay from “it is good to have any kind of work” to “hey this is so nice”.  I do know that I cannot ever stop writing but pushing my arm to the limit again is not possible, as the next time it happens, I might need to be operated on, as the tunnel had further collasped already. 

Of Papers

Recently, there was good news as a case was dismissed. Wondering why our lawyer texted me when he directly communicated with other members of the family, I think of the last meeting we had that did was not about that case. I think of the next step that should be done now that the case has been dismissed, and got the papers, the company documents, and all other related papers, looking at these to refresh my memory. My lawyer is excellent, and as I shifted through the papers, I remeber the last discussion I had with that which was to sell the company for a couple of million, and since what is needed is ready, it is time to turn it over to the other members as they are in charge of that,  and that is why I wondered why our lawyer texted me. I cannot assume what he wants, and in getting ready, the papers for the property are also ready. On Wednesday, I willl try again to speak to my attorney friend who hangs out at a fast food restaurant in my village. I had been trying to see him for the past few weeks but he had asthma attacks, but the expert accountant said that he is usually there on Wednesdays. Then, after that meeting, armed with more info, I can have the business proposal made. It has been too long a time that I let the papers gather dust in their individual bags, and the case being dismissed makes the change, and along with that, to assign the sale of the company and the other assets to the other members is the solution, as I was not involved and they made the decisions, so after all the problems they have been through, they can have proceeds. 

Of Beauty

Every woman has the right to do as she pleases when it comes to making herself more beautiful.

Having had 3 cosmetic procedures done, one of which was my eyebags removal, another of which should be done again, the 4th on made me backed out as the stretch marks removal, is a cut and tuck operation, and I had wanted to get tats to cover these up but I dont like pain at all.

Still, though I have had three cosmetic procedure, I try not to be a parlor beauty and my daughters also prefer to shy away from things like hair straightening. Though I cant say that I dont go, I do not go often, and though I want to get a facial diamond peel again, it is so hot that my skin might be exposed to the sun to cause those brown patches and to wear sunscreen with this kind of weather means that my face will be like yucky with the cream layer, nope, not yet the thing to do. Armed with new make up, like foundation and a great powder, with this heat, it is better to place on as little makeup as possible, though I totally miss wearing dramatic eyeshadow, well, maybe soon, when there is an occassion that calls for it, or when I feel like placing on such makeup.

Now, since I am on a carb-loading phase, the anorexic me says I am a bit fat, and that is because it is part of my plan not to be too thin, as when I got food poisoning or was it the evil dwarfs again – during the Christmas season, I got so weak and recovery took longer than it should

… and maybe, I should to go back to doing yoga but I do want to go for mixed martial arts!

Well, that’s enough beauty talk for now, and for all women out there, to become more beautiful, do whatever you want that makes you feel good. 


Simple made Complicated

Life is so simple. We tend to make it complicated and in the end, there are regrets.

For the past couple of months, onserving, seeing the signs of how a sudden realization was too late at that lead to fate, and how things happened that made the world fade, the last trek there was to answer the call, and since the confusion is still strong, to not look at all.

Eyes kept down, a smile, the watch hands were watched, and the response to a touch was the same.

For assurance, as the years of pain from expectations that were not met, in unforgiveness of the past, steps taken not to make mistakes again, the reversal of questions seems to be in order, and that makes me smile.

Creating a series of test questions to reciprocate, as the irritating arguements may arise again, with exclamations of how that is not what is supposed to happen, as it shouldnt anyway – here it goes, and these are not my words so be warned – place the shields up, full armory on, to let the games begin, as to win the game of life, one cannot play. Here goes!

If you are to make a choice between one or the other, who would you choose?

If you had to make a choice between one and all others, would you?

After a choice comes a decision and you must decide, not to simply cross the street to lolk at the other side.

Once you have decided, the decision must be all the way, to stay on that side of the street.

To not go back or stray, to hold on to the decision, come what may.

After an agreement comes a contract and will you sign?

If not then all is fine, if it is a future deed of sale that was closed, then what was achieved indeed?

At the end of our days and for the rest of our lives, making simple what seems complicated, is to live life without regret, unconditionally, as any agreement can be change, to suit what is best for you. 

Uncanny Things

Hesitating, slow to anger, patiently waiting for the confusion to stop.

As resolving to be gentle and tender has the hold for control, with understanding, as the demands have been said, yet still, the chains of the mind bring matters to a grounded level.

of reflections of light sparkles of the pouring sands of time

of desert winds and the walk of a Bedouin

of the sand dunes changing

of what returns to dust

of uncanny things…

In the mind’s eye, the light forms into a ball, sending out the force of energies.

Anger, unforgiveness, from betrayal of trust – karma is not laid back, it can be tapped.

In knowing the destructive nature when the light force is unleashed, in letting go with a symbol and in holding on with a word, calm peace, the vibes are channeled, to create the harmony that flows.

Burned in the memory, when seated in the open space, so long ago, upon looking up, to see with a long locked gaze the glimmer of destiny, and again, in another place, the question and understanding…

in embracing and flowing with the winds of change, to control the negative upheaval, as to not harm and channel any, the forces are sent out create the fortress, with walls and a drawn up bridge, to keep the treasure within.

When trust is betrayed, the anger takes control, as the cry to the One takes over, and the continued cry inflicts the plight of Job, the gates of hell open wide for those who laid the trap.

When there is no cry as trust was not betrayed, the life forces are harmonious and prosperous, the ease and beauty of the  days, as what is treasured is kept safe.  

Uncanny, the balance of the pendulum  is achieved by how it swings. 

Tagged Teamed

Guess when people share the same chill pill, lashing out at normal people with their messed up ‘standards’ is the thing to do.

When I dont really ask a lot of questions, I get a battering of them. Why are they so interested? I become open prey instead.

My fault? No, is just because I stood tall and would not let a bunch of people tell me what to do with my life. As that tabbed out nurse whispered to what was once a good friend, demolishing me for saying no to a seemingly innocent invite for a ride in the car, and when I told her I just wanted to stay out of trouble, well, she sat beside him, acting like a cackling hen. As the parting shot was thrown, about how that old woman was the girlfriend of that once good friend, as she likes what was forbidden, I stood tall, said that she was like that for a long time, and walked away. She was the one, certified – and as I left, disgusted at the brain warps from chill pills, no symphathy is left as what I endured was merciless. 

You think someone knows you well enough, but then, as the stories about what I do gets around, no one dares come near, and indeed, what have I done so wrong?

I cant figure out why but I did stand up again during another interrogation to the group of the resto I frequent, not to defend what I am doing but to make matters clear.  Thinking about how I am open target, then of the ones who do just carry on normally, like my coffe shop friends, the musicians, and mu family, I dont let these those people bother me, though I do vent by writing.

We do all have our differences and off days. When I think about… Tagged teamed, like in a wrestling match, not pained, battered or bruised, to stand tall, knowing myself, and how I only will accept people who respect what I decide, I close my eyes and think, not deciding based on being tagged teamed, Badgered into moving or not moving, basing any decision on what is right for me, what treats me with respect and kindness, and what makes me sleep well at night. 

Keeping the Dignity

We do forget sometimes who we are and when circumstances are tough, to keep the dignity is the thing to do.

No one is perfect and keeping in mind that a relationship does prosper because there is give and take, the situation does not call for help, though it does, to keep the dignity, or is it pride?

The concerns have been voice out and in recalling how a parting shot was deliberately made to address the matter on hand, how the dignity was kept to stand, for what is believed in, for what has the edge of tenderness, for what is strong.

As time is taken to recover, doing things that have been procrastinated on, the missing factor bothers the mind with thoughts of worry, as the support group of mine is strong, and though it may seem odd, the day does end with the time spent.

To continue the hours to flow into days is an easy step to take, and though one hestitates, it may all be too late, as the refusal to start is based on the reason, that once started, it cannot be stopped and move on its own voilition.

Seeing that during the first few meetings, the crouch, the roar, mystified unveiled, and then repeatedly, as once it is tapped and faced, the world just fades.

It is too late indeed, the line has not been crossed, yet it has been crossed in the thoughts, and has been crossed in the simplest form.

As the uncanny sync of what is wanted in  life powers the energies, the forces propels things to happen, and what seems like sand slipping through the fingers is the sifting of the sand.

What is calling? It has been answered and when not fulfilled, the reasons fail to be valid, as changes happen. 

Eyes Hardly Open

Just woke up and i am still lying in bed. It is a struggle to open my eyes and I dont want to fully wake up yet as the warm feeling of being half awake is good. Not wanting to leave the sleep treshold, I break into a yawn.

I was not in a good mood last night as it was like a day off for me, and i did not bother to cook as there was take out food. Then my Mom arrives and I know that I have been being run dry and with the recent financial setback that I had, it is so difficult to function normally, and I am missing a few things, well you know how it is, for lack of a nail, the kingdom was lost. I was not in a good mood because I wanted to step out but then again, I had a visitor arriving, and now I wake up with a tear, no tears, as I remember how a coffee cup fell, and I dont want to say more, the visit was good, as always my friend is on full support mode, and the steps to take were laid out.

All looks more positive and maybe it is time for change again, and wondering how many hats I have worn, and what other resources to tap, and how the support does not pour out, which seems intentionally mean, but then I am used to that kind of thing, as not all people are the same, indeed.

I am awake now, woke up not feeling too good, and awake to deal with a quiet day, not leaving the house, and deciding what to do tomorrow, and not making any decisions anymore about a relationship based on how I am feeling as I do not like the way I feel at all, and when emotions start to overwhelm and thoughts enter the mind to start repeating – to stop any anxiety, a multitude of tasks, a shower, productivity. 

Of Chains

The mind is  powerful thing.

Insanity starts when reality cannot be accepted and illusions are what becomes the focus. Repeated thoughts, anxious ones that have the fear factor, constant changing decisions based on emotions, all of these contribute to making the mind create intricate chains with padlocks.

Insane people try to conform to a standard that ruins the very core of their being, and their mind aches from thinking of should have been, what would have been, what could have been, and what must be done, ignoring the very essences of their being, shoved aside to conform to the rituals of society, the labels placed to describe.

To not fall into a trap of what should be, the what could be is tapped.

To not adhere to the chains that warp the mind, making it bleed from the hurt felt inside, break down the links, starting with the weakest, and soon the chains can disappear.

For what creates the chains is what is thought about, considered, and what breaks the chains is to follow the heart with the mind agreeing.

Seeing so many lonely people in the world who try to distract themselves from their problems with temporary laughter, while deep within, there are heavy chains that are made tighter by neglecting to address the matter, one breaks free by no longer caring about what causes the chains, and no longer caring about having to excert more effort in trying to please what behaves like kryptonite in the life, seeping away all energy, to be a burden dictated by hate, abuse, or neglect.

Of problematic escapes and then the pursuit of happiness, based on respect, generosity, support, reliability, and the unchanging nature of being there, no matter what…

To look to the future, it has to be until the end, and to be here now, the today must not be an escape, as there is no escape until the chains of the mind are broken, free of labels.