Whimsy and Folly

the world is a canvas

Mind’s Playground

on June 24, 2014

There’s a story behind this piece.  I was raped a year after high school at a party by someone who called himself my friend (he was actually friends with my older brother).  I struggled and the therapist I was seeing at the crisis center was all wrong for me she made things worse when she verbally assaulted me with names like “stupid” when my mother told her I had self-harmed.  I wasn’t trying to end my life when I harmed, I was trying to remove every part of me that he touched, it was a mental breakdown.  I stopped attending therapy for years and went back 2 years later by this time though my attacker was still free, although I had pressed charges he was released on bail.  However he failed to for the hearing and later started to stock me even with a warrant for his arrest, the police were less than helpful at the time.  When I started back to therapy at the crisis center I only had one session.  The second session, I had to skip as my brother called to tell me the rapist was there in front of the crisis center.  My world dissolved around me and no where was safe anymore.  The college and the crisis center right next to each other were the safest spots for me to be and now he had taken those from me too.  In 2010, 4 years after the rape I had a significant breakdown while attending classes and had to be taken by my friends to the health clinic for evaluation and then I was immediately escorted by nurses to the other side of campus to have an emergency therapy session.  I started going to therapy once a week there at school instead of at the crisis center where I could have a University Police or ROTC escort if I felt I needed it.  Finally I was matched with a good therapist he understood my religious beliefs (Native American spirituality) and applied those to my emotional and mental healing.  If I ever started to lose focus in session he would start me on meditation so that I could reach a “safe place” mentally.  A part of this meditation process was to imagine a safe place.  This image is a drawing done of my safe place in my mind.

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