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marriage – Page 2 – Waflay Post
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To get married or not

Just yesterday, there was a heading in the print media that stated that marriage is not for everyone and obviously this attracted views from different individuals. In this forum, the opening remark was whether anyone in the married lot if given an opportunity would consider being single again. This man said he once asked his mother to give him reasons why he should get married and she told him for one is to have children and to have someone to cook for him. But he went on and said that it doesn’t mean that being single has ever made him hungry pointing out that he feels he is okay alone.

Then this other lady said that her partner has made her realize a lot of potential in herself and so she would not hesitate being married to him again and again. She further added that hers is a successful marriage even though they have had their ups and downs but they have still been able to sail through as a couple.

But for a once happy marriage to turn to a regretful relationship there must be a lot that happens to make couples not being able to cope. Couples do not just wake up one day to replace their love with hate but the truth is all this happens gradually. I sometimes think you cannot just let go everything, better put some efforts to save the situation.

Then I don’t usually see it wise to rule out being married due to the experience of your friend somewhere whose marriage failed and so this should not be the element of discouragement. We are all different and no one’s failure should dictate what path that we decide to take in our life. But anyway it all depends your take on all this because there are those who think marriage is not an institution that they can venture in.

Is it my problem or our problem?

When two lovers come together in the institution of marriage, it’s obvious to encounter challenges or problems which if couples face them together then they are set to be heading towards the right direction. But the question that they both need to ask themselves is; is it my problem or our problem? Let both partners pick up our problem route and then start from there. When the two lovers said ’I DO’, it meant that they vowed to be there for one another in all times should be in happiness and even in hardships.

Our problem means that when the two partners came together in the institution of marriage, they both became one and so anything that comes their way is better solved by both. Let them feel that they are part of the problem since it’s always true that two are better than one. Then no need for arguments as this only wastes more time.

First if one partner has a problem that is proving hard to sort out, let him or her tell it to his or her partner. Remember a pressing issue shared even when challenging is better off examined closely and discussed with both partners. They should discuss what really happened for them to find themselves in a problematic situation. Is it something that was done that was not necessary or is it a slight mistake that led to the problem? At this point there is no need of dwelling on who did this or that. The main point here is to look for a solution as it’s the only way to move forward.

Then they should not only be one in times of problems but also let them be one in parenting roles. Let the children in the family feel they have two parents who love them and let them be their role model of oneness.

Should she just put up with it for the sake of her marriage?

It was in a morning radio show when this lady called and said that before she got married to her husband, he used to drink alcohol but the problem was now that he had become too much. And what’s more he pees on the bed once he is drunk and she has had to deal with this mess for the last four years not knowing what to do.

She went on and said that she has tried talking to him about it but he gives excuses that he is going to get late for work. He once told her that she should consider herself lucky because there are women out there who deal with more than being with a man who drinks too much. He went on and said that he provides financially, does not cheat on her or has never even beaten her up. He further added that this was a small issue and she ought to give her time and she was there wondering how this was gonna continue.

The first caller was a lady who said not unless a man is recuperating, this is unacceptable and no woman should have to deal with it. She went on and said no woman in her sane self ought to put up with this because it’s like you are trying to live.

Then this other man called and said that for the sake of the marriage, it’s only good that you devise a way of making things better for yourself. He suggested that he ought this lady ought to look for a polythene paper and cover the mattress and so she will be left with the easier task of only cleaning the bed sheets.

But then this woman was in a dilemma on what to do and especially that she knew there was a problem and had no idea on what to do. Someone once said dealing with a man even on issues that need medical attention is hard.

Children and what they may mean in a marriage



Just a few days ago, it we were treated to a piece of shocking news where a man supposedly poisoned his four children after a quarrel with his wife. Two of the children died and the other two were taken to a hospital where they were recuperating. So the question arising here; what did the children have to do with their personal differences? Even if this was a way of getting back to the wife, there was some other way of going about it. This is really insane bearing in mind that the children had nothing do to with their parents problems.

Now that two children are dead, would this man say that he is happy or would he say that he has really gotten back to his wife? The answer is hell no and who would even want to be associated with a murderer not even his family members. He belongs to being behind bars.

In the institution of marriage, children come in the process of your stay as one and the hope of living together as a family in a healthy relationship becomes anyone’s wish. So where  children are concerned, they need security from their both parents but from the look of things we are in a world of moving where trust even from one’s own parents is gradually diminishing.

When a child is born, the happiness that comes with this gift is non- measurable and this is surely treated with a lot of significance with friends and relatives visiting the little one with gifts. But then one wonders what would make anyone think the child is as good as dead due to mere reason of a quarrel with the mother. Isn’t it an accomplishment to raise a child for ten years or more                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Even f you as parents fight or quarrel over anything, children ought not to know about this and its even insane to drag them into all this .Like for this incident, where was the father’s love because for this case there is lots of hatred renting the air.

She is a wife material or she is not a wife material

English: Ugali with beef and sauce, This photo...

English: Ugali with beef and sauce, This photo has been taken by Mr.Chen Hualin in a bar inside the University of Dar es Salaam. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Even as we give it a go ahead into the institution of marriage on grounds of the healthy relationship, it’s obvious to hear a man talk of a lady being a wife material. This brings about the seriousness of it all when a man breaks up with his girlfriend on grounds that she is not a wife material. It’s hard to just assume everything but it really shows that there are men out there who are very cautious of this wife material thing.

By the look at what men are really after, I think there are some things that I guess I know of who is a wife material or not. First, a drunkard is not a wife material. By this I mean that a lady who has had the habit of drinking alcohol may not be a good choice for a wife. This is because possibilities of such a woman not taking up the role of wife are very high because this is a habit that she cannot overcome.

Then most men look for their mothers in this woman. This means having spent the better part of their lives with their mothers, they know what to expect because they have seen the roles of their mothers in the family and in particular their roles to the father.

The something else, a woman who cannot cook is definitely not a wife material. I have heard of situations where a newlywed wife cannot even cook a simple meal of ugali and is first sent back to her parents to learn how to cook. It may be that we may boast of belonging to a generation that has money to get things done but learning the basics is a good thing.

I have just listed a few things that relate to this wife material is but the truth is we cannot ignore this term. This is because quite a number of men fall back into using it thus showing it after all means a lot as far as marriage is concerned.