Category: Unhealthy Marriages

No Uplifting and No Respect Won’t do



If a man can’t find himself uplifting his woman then he may lose her and vice versa. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are extremely unhealthy. Filled with pain, anger, and lack of compassion. No one wants to feel unloved. Men should be respectful but they should especially be respectful to the mother or mothers of their children.

If things are dysfunctional then perhaps a separation may be necessary. A lot of times people throw sorry’s around but still project the same behavior. We can’t expect “unity” when there’s anger in the mix. Where emotions are fueld by control. Someone is bound to run in the other direction. If a man has fallen out of love with his wife or girlfriend then he should move on and not hold her life up.

He shouldn’t be disrespectful towards her at anytime even if she is. A angry and surly man won’t win the heart of a woman. He may not be able to keep her. If he demonstrates harmful behavior towards her he may feel alone. Woman want to be caressed and want to be appreciated. When those things are missing she will feel a disconnection. A man’s put downs can be another man’s uplifts for that woman. Not saying that people should seek attention from another but everyone wants to feel loved.

God made a companion for man and woman is the companion. Yes, we should seek God and Jesus’s love but we’re not meant to live alone. We shouldn’t be so desperate for love that we’d rather tolerate desrespect. If a man is unable to love the one he’s with then perhaps he should consider moving on. Sometimes people become disconnected. If God isn’t in it then there will certainly be a disconnection.

Love is a strong emotion and it can heal a broken heart. Men neef love as well as women. God made us to give, to learn about Him and His son, and to love. Without love there’s trouble. We can’t feel a connection if there’s no love. Sometimes a man has to be alone in order to get himself together. If he doesn’t put God first then he will be consumed with anguish. “Love” brings people together.



Blame it on Everything Else

Sometimes we come in contact with someone who is so broken and they haven’t quite learned how to be functional. They over spend and blame it on the wife not being a “helpmate.” They pretend to do so much good but will rarely give to the needy. When a man takes it upon himself to punish a woman for anything he is only hurting himself. When he allows his ego to get the best of him and he spins out of control. When a man looks at life as work and doesn’t allow God or giving in his life then he will sink in misery.

If he doesn’t love himself then it would be impossible for him to love anyone else. His broken spirit will create a riff with all who come in contact with him. When he feels no joy but works the majority of his life without showing the benefits. He will become angry and feel unfulfilled. When he builds no bond with his children and they wonder why he’s in such a state. He may blame it on his wife but if he looks in the mirror closely and ask God to reveal to him who he really is then it shall be revealed.

There’s more to a man than work. If his work hasn’t create a secure home for his family and he refused to stop using his mother as a crutch then it would be difficult for him to function without those conditions. Sometimes mothers hold on so tight and the man becomes a boy when he should be a man. He may become selfish and feel that material things will satisfy him but if God isn’t in the mix then he will not be satisfied. He will toss and turn and he’ll try to knock others down to make himself feel good.

If a man constantly threatens a woman that she can not do without him then he is just reveling his vulnerability. He demonstrates the fear. The fear comes through the anger. His he really angry with the woman, the world, or his he really angry with himself? If a man feels the need to put a woman down because of her accomplishments then what is he telling himself and others about him? Men are the stronger vessel but so many are so damaged that their strength seems faded. They become trapped in their own world of rights and they may see no wrong in anything that they do.

If they are unable to treat women properly then they are doing a disservice to society. If they’re only concerned about their needs then they can’t possibly have a stability in a relationship. If all their frustrations is blamed on what someone else didn’t do then they’re filled with despair. They’re cares may only be provided if there’s something in it for them. When confronted about their actions they may rare up and become filled with rage. They may hold on do to their fear of being alone.

The man may try to convince a woman that she can not live without him and that no one will want her. He tries to brainwash her into thinking that she has no value or worth but as soon as someone comes long and convinces that she does. He will try to fight as if he’s been so concerned all along. His love isn’t there because he never learned to love himself. Deep down he really can’t stand women, he can’t stand their success, or their job titles. He has to compete with them and it angers him.

Any woman being able to put up with his control and anger will become like a slave to him. He may stay in a relationship to punish the woman. He may believe that the woman has no fight in her. That fighting with fists but with prayer and the mind. When he feels he’s losing a grip then he will try other tactics so that she’s looked upon as a nobody but his tactics on’t work because God on’t allow it. His life is based on being accepted for his work and not good deeds or helping others. How can his heart be healed through anger and malice? How?

Envy is Like a Disease

Envy can destroy our surroundings and the people who will stand for us. One of the saddest things is when a husband is envious of his wife. When that happens it create a world filled with pain but it can also wake up a wife. Another sad thing is when a mother is envious of a daughter.

What people fail to understand is that we all have talent. If one chooses to earn a degree then we should be happy for them. Don’t feel bad if you haven’t earned something. There’s other ways to blossom. Husbands should be encouraging and supportive. It can sometimes be hard to do if there’s a disconnect but spouses shouldn’t go against one another.

If people could only look within themselves and realize that we’re all special. There’s too much fire and not enough water. If God gave all of us a gift then why are we intimadated by other people’s gifts? We should embrace one another and encourage one another to “shine the light.” We can do some great things when we remove envy.

If we focus on getting better then our minds won’t allow us to feel envious of another’s accomplishments. If a husband can’t encourage his wife then someone will want to encourage her. We can’t continue dimming lights. We all have something to offer. Smile and be glad that God has “blessed” us with gifts. Some may use their gifts to do no good but we all gifts that can help others.

It’s very disappointing when people don’t appreciate our talents. We should appreciate what’s been placed inside us. We should nuture those gifts and shine. We don’t have to hide away because some people are intimidated by our talents. If we do that then we’re doing a disservice. It’s unfair to make someone dim their light because of fear and intimidation. God doesn’t want us to hide. He wants us to tell our stories and help others. If people are trying to bring you down then they must see “greatness.” Don’t hinder someone’s growth. Encourage them to elevate.

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Wives you Deserve the Queen Treatment

If men want to know why women become so cranky I’ll tell you. This is for husbands and soon to be husbands. Wives hold a very important role. They’re responsible for a whole lot of things and a lot of times the responsibility is shifted on to them and that generates pressure. Sometimes it’s hard for husbands to understand exactly what their wives go through. They may feel is they’re working outside of the home then the wife doesn’t deserve appreciation.

Looking after the children, working in the home, and attending to their husband’s needs. Women become fatigued and need attention. There’s more to their existence besides waiting on their husband’s every need. Wives enjoy it when their husbands ask them, “How was your day,?” or when they tell them to enjoy your day! Little things can do wonders. If a husband only calls his wife to ask her what’s for dinner then she may feel unappreciated because his thoughts are on his needs.

Any man who thinks only of himself is a difficult man. If rarely considers his wife’s needs then he’s a selfish man. Wives are to honor their husbands but husbands are to do the same. If a wife continuously feels unappreciated in the marriage then she will become distant from her husband and she will become moody. Husbands must consider their wives situations. They must try to understand what she has to deal with.

Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting to one another out of reference for Christ. This means that it should go both ways and not not way. The husband should tend to his wife’s needs. He should cater to her as she caters to him. When the husband demands that his wife caters to his every need and is unwilling to consider her needs then he is doing himself a great disservice. He’s not honoring God’s words and that could create consequences for the husband.

If he ever wonders why his wife is upset then he should consider the things that he does for her. Wives have to take care of themselves. They have to invest in themselves, and see after themselves. If they put all their time and into their husbands and the husband does not then they may find that their wives will be slow to move. Not attending to your wife’s needs is a bad move for husbands.

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Meditate on the Things That Build you up

There’s some people who will look out for others and neglect themselves. It’s a difficult thing when you have to deal with someone who drains all of your energy. There has to come a time when one realizes that they are unable to help everyone. It’s is wise to invest in ourselves. Find the peace that we need.

If you want to find peace then you have to remove the toxins. Toxic things in our lives could create a deterioration in our health. I would love to be free of all the things that I view as toxic. It’s important that we keep our sanity. Some people aren’t in a position to offer us what we need. We have to do what’s best for us.

Meditating on the positive things helps but if we’re continuously exposed to dysfunctional behavior that could be hard to do. We have to limit our time with people who take away our peace. Find activities that will make us happy. Spend time with people who have our best interest at heart.

The best way to be happier is to stay away from things that tear you down. A lot of environments are unhealthy. One of them could be social media. If so then spent less time there or none at all. Anything that doesn’t generate calmness isn’t something one should be exposed to.

It’s best to find peaceful places. Reading books that you enjoy will help create a calm environment but anything that doesn’t produce positive thoughts isn’t something we need to be apart of. Stressful environments good affect not only our health but other parts of our lives. Listening to soothing music can help us relax and find the peace that we need.

If an environment generates discomfort. It’s an environment that shouldn’t be on your to do list. Find things that offer soothing. Watching the clouds. Watching a good movie perhaps. Comedies are great. They offer laughter.

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Allow it to Flow

Imagine being in a place full of tormoil. A place where you pretend it’s rosy but it’s full of thorns. Where you wonder when the rollercoaster ride will end. Life sometimes is hazy. We make decisions that rip us apart and we stay where the damages our great. We may wonder how do we heal from being poked with thorns?

Time heals, communicating, and praying. Have you ever wondered how you made it through somethings? It’s not easy facing pain, especially pain that lasted 21 years. Where you pretend to be fine but inside you’re scared. What makes us put up with so much? We must forgive and sonetimes it won’t feel as if it’s easy to do. God always knows what’s best. He knows exactly what we need.

Having peace in our lives is a blessing. When the storm moves and we’re able to breath. It’s amazing. Many are silent about the things they face behind closed doors. They’re afraid what others will say or think. They bottle the pain all up and put on that brave smile. There’s hope even when we think we won’t heal from something. We will. We can beat it. We can “overcome.”

The brokenness goes away. The sun shines again and we see a better tomorrow. If you’re in an abusive relationship. Talk to someone, don’t pretend it’s, peachy. That will only deepen your scars. After the door closes, allow the good things to come in, allow happiness. All the pain that filled your world will go away. In time the memories of the hostile events will cease.

Sometimes we hang on to things that aren’t good for us. We forget how to love ourselves. We lose ourselves and we wonder if we “deserve better.” We do. We deserve to live productive lives. We deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved. Loving ourselves is one of the most important things. Believing that we we have worth is something we should constantly tell ourselves.

“Trust the Storyteller and the Story.”

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Don’t Appreciate me God has A Plan

No,no,no the one that’s there gets no respect. Why? I mean it makes no sense. How many men would appreciate hot meals, back rubs, fresh hair cuts for free? Well, that hubby didn’t. Oh no. What kind of man looks at his wife on the ground and doesn’t try to help her up? Terrible.

Why would a husband try to compete with his wife? A wife isn’t a competitor. She’s a wife. You’re suppose to care for her and cherish her. My goodness. Why wouldn’t you spend time with your children? Selfish. Trying to make your wife look bad and trying to claim my ideas. Get your own. Laughing at me when I’m in pain. Is that what husbands are suppose to do?

Getting upset when you don’t get your way. “Stand on Your Feet.” Stop relying on your mother to get everything for you. Shopping like there’s no tomorrow and putting all your orders in my name. I don’t wear men watches, size 11 Lebron shoes, and I don’t need to order clothes I’m not going to wear. That’s how water and lights get shut off. Don’t worry. Your mom will cover for you. From Boy to boy. Sometimes men aren’t allowed to be men. Perhaps they should “stand alone.”

How many husbands are envious of their wives or children’s achievements? That’s not how it’s suppose to be. You should support your children. Encourage them to do better. You should want them to excel. If the husband is out of order then the whole family is out of order. The husband is the head and the leader. He should be guiding his children and setting an example.

Becoming angry when they put your shoes on. Well, you took the shoes away, what kid wouldn’t want a nice pair of shoes on their feet? They may say, “I want some Lebron shoes,” seiko watch or some MCM beats. The ones that make good grades should receive something. Everything for yourself. Spending like crazy and allowing your mother to take care of you. Shame, shame, shame. Men should be men. No relationship with your children is just awful.

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We Fall Down and we Need to get Back up

Sometimes things don’t go as well as we thought they would or expected. Well it was planned or at least that’s what I thought, my third oldest son had a mandatory senior meeting and I assumed that my husband would attend but he claimed that he had to stay at work and there was no coverage for him. My son and I signed some paper work and I called my husband to tell him that the meeting was over. He still said that there was no coverage. So my son and I left the school and went home.

The week before Thanksgiving my husband I went to Orlando to the “Classic.” Boy did I have an experience. I wore some high wedge heels and somehow twisted my ankle and fell. I was on my back before I knew it. My husband had some sodas in his hand. Well, he says, “I’m not going to fuss. I will take care of you when I get home.” Then he says, “are you okay?” He didn’t even try to help me up but I got up and proceeded to walk behind him. Oh boy, I suppose he was trying to get to his drink, I’m glad that I didn’t break anything.

We were in the truck and he started playing all of this explicit music. I was shocked since he was on the gospel tip. He said, “When you try to do better and the people around you don’t.” I was like whoa! I lotioned that man, brought his food, and cut and shave him and you mean to tell me that he couldn’t help me up? Gosh. Oh well. I suppose he wanted people to recognize the best in us!!!. Yup! That’s what the goal was.

We watched a little bit of “A Diary of a mad Black Woman.” He asks me what would I do in that situation and he told me that someone said that the wife in the movie was wrong. I had to disagree because her husband dragged her and treated her like trash. He threw her out of the house and had a family with his girlfriend. He said that the woman in the movie was wrong because she was married. I said that they were separated and he said but they were married. I brought up that he was talking to a woman name Juanita Rivera while we were married and he said, “but we were separated ” so I said but we were married. “I said you just contradicted yourself.” Oh boy.

I don’t know I will have to pray so that I can heal. My hand is a bit sore but that’s alright. I wouldn’t want him to curse us out before church or anything. My goodness I hope I can sleep tonight in this cozy bed. I suppose I want have to worry about any positions since I have the bed to myself. I have to treat myself good. I hope there’s cursing going on.

Moral of the story:

You never know what someone is going through. It may look good from the outside but that inside could be a mess. Until you walk in those shoes. You don’t know. Aretha Franklin said, “(R.E.S.P.E.C.T).”

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