Reasons to Rant and Be Grateful

I haven’t been blogging in here for such a long time. I know I visited the site last September 5, my birthday. I missed blogging in here and it becomes my way of breathing. Let me share you some of the roller coaster ride of my life. I am thinking what will I start first, could I start with negative or positive? I guess, I want to start with Positive News. Let us start.

Positive

I learned the site called Niume. I find friends that help me how to survived there but I can’t survive due to low visit on my blog. I am still positive I will get along with the site because it is always reminded me of Blogjob, but not in earning. I still prefer Blogjob and I still want to write in this site. I am still in love with this site.

I learned how to set aside negativity. I have to be honest that I am always been negative but during the busy hours that I am trying to make money, I set aside it. Even if I am hearing some arguments at home, I do not join. I rather put my earphone and play some music and set aside this kind of emotion. Negativity puts me down and it never stop from happening, but at least I learned how to set aside it the time that I need to be focus of what really matters.

I am earning $30 a month. It is less but I am still earning. This is still something to be grateful for.

I have been to a lot of pain. The pain is even more painful triple to what I had experienced before. I worked on my pain. I am not sure if I did fight, but I work on how to deal with it. Working on how to deal with pain doesn’t take away the pain, but it only helps you to move on when there is no pain anymore and deal with it when it is there again.

God is looking down on me. He is checking on me I know. During the times I am scared, I know he is whispering that there is nothing to be scared. Right now I am seriously wanting to improve my faith on him because I know I have less faith.

I believe I should start over, but I need help. Even if I am asking, I still need it. Right now I am learning to pray that someone will remember and not asking them directly.

 

 

Negative

Earning is less. No regular internet. I am using my mobile and try to earn within 3-4 hours. I am earning $30 a month. It is lesser to what I am needing in a month. $400 for medicine/hospital bills and $200 funds at home to help the family. I should be earning $600 a month. Some people are earning that, unfortunately I am not.

I had a spasm and doctors do not agree. They diagnosed it as mild stroke. I couldn’t believe but I know I had a lot of pain on my left arm, I cannot raised it and been to a lot of pain that had me bed ridden for quite a while.

I went to the doctor and doctors hate me, lol. I had to sign a waiver that I need to get out instead of being admitted. Is it lack of money or because I do not love myself anymore? I really don’t know. My course of action is to always sign a waiver and ask for prayers. I am a useless patient, but hey, I hate hospital, especially hospital bills. If I did not survive this illness, maybe that is what supposed to happen.

Tinycents, another online sites did not pay some pending payments. I am member of that. Tinycents reminds me of Bubblews and I never thought even with Payments. It seems that the owner doesn’t care and that’s really irritate me. You know what, even if a site failed to pay its member a transparency post is needed. Transparency post like Blogbourne did. This post is like admitting to the members what is really happening with the site. An owner who is honest gets sympathy and that is what I am looking for. It even made them stop the some mean reviews about their site if they are being honest with what is the problem the site is facing. They can even get some people to help them on how to solve the problem. However, they remain silent and wishing people will forget. You are big wrong.

Friends stop helping me with supplying money for medicine, even to those who are always promising. I do not blame them. They have their own life to deal with and I am just a mosquito flying around them. I will also stop contacting them not because of bitterness, but because I don’t want them to remember me as a person who is always asking for money. They will surely receive a greeting in the coming holidays, but I will not mentioned about money. I am not their responsibility. It is hurting me, but it will be okay.

Standing on my own, when I can’t literally stand, lol, is my decision right now. It is hard yet this is what I need. I need to stand alone when no one else is there to help me. Is this negative? Maybe for now but the time comes I am thanking myself for this decision.

 

Do not pity me. I need prayers more. I need to survive this like you who is struggling with life also. We all have our problems to deal with and let us pray for each other.

Image credit: https://pixabay.com/en/figure-iraqis-the-water-s-edge-1769769/

Today is My Day!

Today, I am celebrating my birthday, however, I am not celebrating. I am just treating this date as remembering my birth date and that’s it. There is nothing special at home. There is no special greetings, no celebration, no food preparation. It is just a normal day. The only difference is, it is my birthday.

There are people celebrating their birthday today as well. I hope they are happy. I am not happy, but I am grateful. I have 3 of my friends greeted me earlier. Two of my relatives click the like button on my post at Facebook. Other than that, the greetings came from my parents and my brother. My sister already greeted me last night. I received greetings for my dog, but I am not sure if they are aware about what is happening. They are wiggling their tails, I hope they are happy for me.

Again, I am not happy. I even smirked when I am reading the word “Happy” on my birthday. I don’t want to fool myself, I am not happy. What I know is that, I am grateful. I went to Adoration Chapel on the church near my place and give thanks to God to all of the blessings he had given to me. I also thank him for the life and the another chance to live. I am ill, but I am not dying. There will be times that I will be having a good life. I am wishing for a good life. Even if my dreams will not come true, I just wish that my loved ones do. I am not looking forward actually. I am just praying for the safety of my family, that there will be someone that will provide their needs. I even did not prayed for my condition. Maybe I am losing hope, but I know God will work miracles for me, but I wish not to anticipate anything.

Yes, I know you feel negative about this post, but again, I told you, I don’t want to fool myself. It is my birthday. I have all the right to be true about what I feel.

Before I forgot, I want to thank Sheridan for all the help he had done to me, financially. He is a blessing to me. That is why I wish the site will come back. I miss everything. I miss the earning, I miss my hard work, I miss having to blog comfortably, I miss my friends here, I miss my old life. I guess this is part of my depression.

I will not stay negative I know. Time will tell. But right now, let me be true to myself.

Today is my day, I am Grateful. Thanks to God. Thanks Sheridan, thanks to all of my online friends, thanks to Blogjob, thanks to online earnings!!

 

Image credit: https://pixabay.com/en/balloons-party-girl-happy-walking-388973/

 

 

Sheridan, It Means a Lot to Me!!! Thank you!!

Last night I visited the site because I missed it. I missed it a lot. A lot of members are missing it. We are all like a stray cats right now because we do not have a second home. As I was in the hospital I was blogging, it is because I used to used up my time in doing blog draft when I was waiting for results before. Then I remember, Blogjob already suspends the rewards…

You can read my post about it on this posts

I Miss You Blogjob!

Then when I checked my email tonight, I saw an email from Sheridan. I was not blinking because it goes with the amount. I thought I have pending payment, but the amount is bigger that an expected pay for minimum threshold. I can’t figure out why I am receiving such amount from Sheridan and then I remember, maybe he read about my recent blog and that amount is his way to help me.

I cried.

I really cried.

It is hard for me to ask for people to help me, to ask them to transfer their money to me, to transfer their gold points, to ask for tips, and everything happening in the online world. Friends and strangers begin helping me without a doubt. I can’t really explain how I am happy and proud to be an online earner because of everything that is happening. Without this help, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Then an email with Sheridan. He transferred me money. Without a word, without any message, he sends helped. I couldn’t believe that even up to now he extends his kindness. I never expected this. Up to now, I am not sure of the right words to thank him!! He is a person with a great heart. He is very kind. Everyone can testify about that. I am really shaking right now. I am touched. I feel I am loved. It makes me feel I have a lot of people backing me now.

This big storm in my life really change me as a person. I never thought I have a lot of friends. I thought I was alone in this battle, but no, I am wrong. I cannot measure the help because every comments on my posts, every prayers, every concern, every private messages, every tips, every transfer of gold points, every transfer of Paypal money, really counts as a HUMONGOUS HELP. You are letting me live long. I owe my life to you all.

Sheridan, God Bless you and your family. Because of you I will remain positive. I will fight this battle. Thank you! You will be always in my prayers. I hope Blogjob will come back. I will let everyone knows that the person who build Blogjob is an angel!!

 

 

Photo is mine, my own writing thanking an angel, Sheridan Corey!

 

Definitely Mixed Feelings

I set an alarm for 7 in the morning for me to get up and blog. I will try to finish my blogging activity for an hour because I need to get out of the house to finish my documents. I am still awake at this moment and it is 22 minutes before 6 in the morning. I decided to come back to blogging and whatever I finish for today, I will stop when I feel that my eyes are getting tired.

I am having mixed feelings because I prayed for this one long time ago and this is the moment that I am waiting for, however, I am not happy. I should be excited but I am not. I should be smiling, but I am not. I just have the regular ME and the regular face I wear. Maybe later? I mean maybe later I will feel happy when it already happen.

I am eager to know what kind of life will I be tomorrow, yet I am not looking forward to it. I am thinking my past work experienced and it was not great for an experience. I don’t know if the problem is people or me because I can’t adjust to the kind of culture they have. Or maybe because most of them are too prejudice? What makes me certain is that I am traumatized by my previous work experience and I am thinking the same on this new job I will have. I am pre-judging them, but I hope not. I hope this will be what God really wants me to have. This is not what I prayed exactly, actually, God gave me something better. I know this is the best for me, that is why I am hoping that the experience will never be the same from the past.

I hope I could able to meet friends, not for the sake friends, but having true friends. I wish to have people who will guide me and help me all throughout because it has been a long time, and now I am working again. I hope they able to adjust with my attitude as I will truly adjust for them. I hope this is it, but I am not looking forward.

It is just weird, why do it gives me the feeling that I don’t like it.

 

Photo from Pixabay

https://pixabay.com/en/person-human-child-girl-face-1263323/

 

You don’t sounds Happy?

My friends read my first blog for today and that is about me being cleared with UTI. They started giving me messages through Facebook messenger. I was busy blogging and once I submitted one, I will answer their message. From the way I response to them, they feel I am not happy or grateful maybe. Five of the friends I am talking right now, 3 of them noticed it. I told them that I am happy, but maybe I am tired because of fever and exhaustion from the heat. Because of that, they read some more of my blogs posted today and they happen to realized the answer.

They start telling me to rest and get some sleep. They are happy for me because a journey will begin. I am happy too and I am thinking that way. However, I am not the type right now that celebrates about something good. I let the feeling inside me. If I were there with them physically, they will see a sweet smile painted on my face and for sure it will be a non-stop hugging and congratulations, but since we are only online, they can never tell.

Right now I know I am just tired and really wanting to rest. Actually earlier I told you that I will not able to finish my blogging activity today because I need to rest early, you know what, I think this is my last post of the day. I never thought I could able to reach it. I never imagine how I able to find topics to push me through finishing my limiting posts.

I promise, after this one, I will have to take a nap. I will set an alarm to wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning, but if I did not hear it, I will just let it by. I guess I will pray again to God to provide me money, to tell me where I can have money to fill up to those lost days.

Photo from Pixabay

https://pixabay.com/en/sunglasses-summer-pretty-young-woman-635269/