I haven’t been blogging in here for such a long time. I know I visited the site last September 5, my birthday. I missed blogging in here and it becomes my way of breathing. Let me share you some of the roller coaster ride of my life. I am thinking what will I start first, could I start with negative or positive? I guess, I want to start with Positive News. Let us start.
I learned the site called Niume. I find friends that help me how to survived there but I can’t survive due to low visit on my blog. I am still positive I will get along with the site because it is always reminded me of Blogjob, but not in earning. I still prefer Blogjob and I still want to write in this site. I am still in love with this site.
I learned how to set aside negativity. I have to be honest that I am always been negative but during the busy hours that I am trying to make money, I set aside it. Even if I am hearing some arguments at home, I do not join. I rather put my earphone and play some music and set aside this kind of emotion. Negativity puts me down and it never stop from happening, but at least I learned how to set aside it the time that I need to be focus of what really matters.
I am earning $30 a month. It is less but I am still earning. This is still something to be grateful for.
I have been to a lot of pain. The pain is even more painful triple to what I had experienced before. I worked on my pain. I am not sure if I did fight, but I work on how to deal with it. Working on how to deal with pain doesn’t take away the pain, but it only helps you to move on when there is no pain anymore and deal with it when it is there again.
God is looking down on me. He is checking on me I know. During the times I am scared, I know he is whispering that there is nothing to be scared. Right now I am seriously wanting to improve my faith on him because I know I have less faith.
I believe I should start over, but I need help. Even if I am asking, I still need it. Right now I am learning to pray that someone will remember and not asking them directly.
Earning is less. No regular internet. I am using my mobile and try to earn within 3-4 hours. I am earning $30 a month. It is lesser to what I am needing in a month. $400 for medicine/hospital bills and $200 funds at home to help the family. I should be earning $600 a month. Some people are earning that, unfortunately I am not.
I had a spasm and doctors do not agree. They diagnosed it as mild stroke. I couldn’t believe but I know I had a lot of pain on my left arm, I cannot raised it and been to a lot of pain that had me bed ridden for quite a while.
I went to the doctor and doctors hate me, lol. I had to sign a waiver that I need to get out instead of being admitted. Is it lack of money or because I do not love myself anymore? I really don’t know. My course of action is to always sign a waiver and ask for prayers. I am a useless patient, but hey, I hate hospital, especially hospital bills. If I did not survive this illness, maybe that is what supposed to happen.
Tinycents, another online sites did not pay some pending payments. I am member of that. Tinycents reminds me of Bubblews and I never thought even with Payments. It seems that the owner doesn’t care and that’s really irritate me. You know what, even if a site failed to pay its member a transparency post is needed. Transparency post like Blogbourne did. This post is like admitting to the members what is really happening with the site. An owner who is honest gets sympathy and that is what I am looking for. It even made them stop the some mean reviews about their site if they are being honest with what is the problem the site is facing. They can even get some people to help them on how to solve the problem. However, they remain silent and wishing people will forget. You are big wrong.
Friends stop helping me with supplying money for medicine, even to those who are always promising. I do not blame them. They have their own life to deal with and I am just a mosquito flying around them. I will also stop contacting them not because of bitterness, but because I don’t want them to remember me as a person who is always asking for money. They will surely receive a greeting in the coming holidays, but I will not mentioned about money. I am not their responsibility. It is hurting me, but it will be okay.
Standing on my own, when I can’t literally stand, lol, is my decision right now. It is hard yet this is what I need. I need to stand alone when no one else is there to help me. Is this negative? Maybe for now but the time comes I am thanking myself for this decision.
Do not pity me. I need prayers more. I need to survive this like you who is struggling with life also. We all have our problems to deal with and let us pray for each other.
Image credit: https://pixabay.com/en/figure-iraqis-the-water-s-edge-1769769/