Reasons to Rant and Be Grateful



I haven’t been blogging in here for such a long time. I know I visited the site last September 5, my birthday. I missed blogging in here and it becomes my way of breathing. Let me share you some of the roller coaster ride of my life. I am thinking what will I start first, could I start with negative or positive? I guess, I want to start with Positive News. Let us start.

Positive

I learned the site called Niume. I find friends that help me how to survived there but I can’t survive due to low visit on my blog. I am still positive I will get along with the site because it is always reminded me of Blogjob, but not in earning. I still prefer Blogjob and I still want to write in this site. I am still in love with this site.

I learned how to set aside negativity. I have to be honest that I am always been negative but during the busy hours that I am trying to make money, I set aside it. Even if I am hearing some arguments at home, I do not join. I rather put my earphone and play some music and set aside this kind of emotion. Negativity puts me down and it never stop from happening, but at least I learned how to set aside it the time that I need to be focus of what really matters.

I am earning $30 a month. It is less but I am still earning. This is still something to be grateful for.

I have been to a lot of pain. The pain is even more painful triple to what I had experienced before. I worked on my pain. I am not sure if I did fight, but I work on how to deal with it. Working on how to deal with pain doesn’t take away the pain, but it only helps you to move on when there is no pain anymore and deal with it when it is there again.

God is looking down on me. He is checking on me I know. During the times I am scared, I know he is whispering that there is nothing to be scared. Right now I am seriously wanting to improve my faith on him because I know I have less faith.

I believe I should start over, but I need help. Even if I am asking, I still need it. Right now I am learning to pray that someone will remember and not asking them directly.

 

 

Negative

Earning is less. No regular internet. I am using my mobile and try to earn within 3-4 hours. I am earning $30 a month. It is lesser to what I am needing in a month. $400 for medicine/hospital bills and $200 funds at home to help the family. I should be earning $600 a month. Some people are earning that, unfortunately I am not.

I had a spasm and doctors do not agree. They diagnosed it as mild stroke. I couldn’t believe but I know I had a lot of pain on my left arm, I cannot raised it and been to a lot of pain that had me bed ridden for quite a while.

I went to the doctor and doctors hate me, lol. I had to sign a waiver that I need to get out instead of being admitted. Is it lack of money or because I do not love myself anymore? I really don’t know. My course of action is to always sign a waiver and ask for prayers. I am a useless patient, but hey, I hate hospital, especially hospital bills. If I did not survive this illness, maybe that is what supposed to happen.

Tinycents, another online sites did not pay some pending payments. I am member of that. Tinycents reminds me of Bubblews and I never thought even with Payments. It seems that the owner doesn’t care and that’s really irritate me. You know what, even if a site failed to pay its member a transparency post is needed. Transparency post like Blogbourne did. This post is like admitting to the members what is really happening with the site. An owner who is honest gets sympathy and that is what I am looking for. It even made them stop the some mean reviews about their site if they are being honest with what is the problem the site is facing. They can even get some people to help them on how to solve the problem. However, they remain silent and wishing people will forget. You are big wrong.

Friends stop helping me with supplying money for medicine, even to those who are always promising. I do not blame them. They have their own life to deal with and I am just a mosquito flying around them. I will also stop contacting them not because of bitterness, but because I don’t want them to remember me as a person who is always asking for money. They will surely receive a greeting in the coming holidays, but I will not mentioned about money. I am not their responsibility. It is hurting me, but it will be okay.

Standing on my own, when I can’t literally stand, lol, is my decision right now. It is hard yet this is what I need. I need to stand alone when no one else is there to help me. Is this negative? Maybe for now but the time comes I am thanking myself for this decision.

 

Do not pity me. I need prayers more. I need to survive this like you who is struggling with life also. We all have our problems to deal with and let us pray for each other.

Image credit: https://pixabay.com/en/figure-iraqis-the-water-s-edge-1769769/



Reflection of the Day: Seeking the Kingdom of God

I am reading a passage from the bible from a book that similar to The Daily Bread. My sister gave this to me when she visited The Fiest. I remember my cousin’s birthday is today because of that book but I forgot to read it. When I kept the book in the drawer, I begin to wonder why I even did not read the passage. I put it out again to read and I learned something.

People are all busy making money. Making money in many ways has every valid reason, however, have we ever wonder to seek the kingdom of God. God? Have we become busy of finding ways on how to be able to enter the gate to His Kingdom?

I have to admit I have all my emotions fixed in my heart after reading it. I still have lots to say about what is happening in my life right now, but I never realized I am not even thinking about what will happen to my soul when I die. For a person who is ill, I am always have the thoughts of dying. It always enters in my mind that I might not wake up the other day. I never realized that I am not really afraid of it because I am not doing something for my soul. I know I have to clear it. I have to clear it with forgiveness and make peace of myself before with other people. I haven’t started anything yet and I still feel relaxed.

We are all busy making money for Christmas, as it is coming 51 days, I guess, however, we are not aware anytime soon the world will ends in a blink of an eye. As the saying that it will be stolen for us, but God will give us a sign. Every famine, every war, every catastrophe is a signal that it will happen. I am not making you scared. This post has no intention of doing that. What I meant to say is that if we are busy in our lives, our family, love life and career, we should insert something for our soul. In fact, we should think more about our soul, for God give his son Jesus and everyone living here in the world should be like Jesus. It is hard to be Jesus, but something do with with saving our soul, we should really do that. We should do some reflection, it starts today. You never know what will happen the next day….

 

https://pixabay.com/en/sunset-saskatoon-landscape-370244/

Today is My Day!

Today, I am celebrating my birthday, however, I am not celebrating. I am just treating this date as remembering my birth date and that’s it. There is nothing special at home. There is no special greetings, no celebration, no food preparation. It is just a normal day. The only difference is, it is my birthday.

There are people celebrating their birthday today as well. I hope they are happy. I am not happy, but I am grateful. I have 3 of my friends greeted me earlier. Two of my relatives click the like button on my post at Facebook. Other than that, the greetings came from my parents and my brother. My sister already greeted me last night. I received greetings for my dog, but I am not sure if they are aware about what is happening. They are wiggling their tails, I hope they are happy for me.

Again, I am not happy. I even smirked when I am reading the word “Happy” on my birthday. I don’t want to fool myself, I am not happy. What I know is that, I am grateful. I went to Adoration Chapel on the church near my place and give thanks to God to all of the blessings he had given to me. I also thank him for the life and the another chance to live. I am ill, but I am not dying. There will be times that I will be having a good life. I am wishing for a good life. Even if my dreams will not come true, I just wish that my loved ones do. I am not looking forward actually. I am just praying for the safety of my family, that there will be someone that will provide their needs. I even did not prayed for my condition. Maybe I am losing hope, but I know God will work miracles for me, but I wish not to anticipate anything.

Yes, I know you feel negative about this post, but again, I told you, I don’t want to fool myself. It is my birthday. I have all the right to be true about what I feel.

Before I forgot, I want to thank Sheridan for all the help he had done to me, financially. He is a blessing to me. That is why I wish the site will come back. I miss everything. I miss the earning, I miss my hard work, I miss having to blog comfortably, I miss my friends here, I miss my old life. I guess this is part of my depression.

I will not stay negative I know. Time will tell. But right now, let me be true to myself.

Today is my day, I am Grateful. Thanks to God. Thanks Sheridan, thanks to all of my online friends, thanks to Blogjob, thanks to online earnings!!

 

Image credit: https://pixabay.com/en/balloons-party-girl-happy-walking-388973/

 

 

My Birthday Wish…or a Dead End

Lately, life is tough for me. First, I miss Blogjob. If only Blogjob is still on the paying mode, there are lesser problem when it comes to finances because I know for myself that I will be working hard on this site. However, we need to accept the temporary suspension until the time it will come back. I am still praying it will come back. Second, this illness. I am now on medication but I skipped for 3 weeks already because of financial problem. It should not be that way because I thought my friends could allow me to have some loans but most of them had turned their backs on me because they need the money the most. It is so hard for me to ask them for their own money. I am really tempted to ask them to send me some money that they promised but since they did not replied to messages on Facebook and on mobile messages, I know the answer. I can’t force them and I don’t have a choice but to feel sorry for myself.

Third, I consider this a good news. I should be on surgery, but still the medicine I am taking as of the moment (which I stopped taking for 3 weeks now) is getting effective. My doctor said that if it gets effective for a month then I need to drink it as a maintenance and repair. Since I stop taking this medicine, this is the bad news. I have been through a lot of pain, most on the right side of my body. Spotting also happens and I do not understand why I need to have that because I thought on my ultrasound that the laceration already stick together, so where does the blood is coming from. I cannot agree that laceration is still fresh when they are still sticking together and not slice like it used too. However, I can’t ask the doctor about it, I can’t even report the spotting or the little blood because she might be angry at me for skipping the medicine. Everything that is happening is within me and of course, now you know.

Fourth, I supposed to be coming back last night for another checkup but I decided to skipped it because of again financial problem and I am so afraid that she will find out what is happening. I am also scared to know if it get severe. Surely, I will lose my breath when she will say it get severe. I will die in an instant. I just made an excuse not to be check for this week but she is not allowing me to skip the next week. Oh my!!

You know what it is hard to breathe right now, with all the pressure I have been getting just because of money problem and this illness. I do not stop praying, I still pray. Only God can give miracles. In a snap, he will give it to me with a sincere heart. I stop the fund raising at GoFundMe because it is hopeless. I got money from the government, thankfully, but I already used it up. Beside me, my dog got ill last month, went to vent, but she didn’t survived. Most of my money went to her and even on her burial. I also finances some needs at home. All money went to zero.

Next month is already my birthday month. On the 5th day is my special day. It is always a regular day to me. I don’t know why I treat it as a regular day. Right now, I am into the worst part so I really want to forget about it. If only we have September 4 and then September 6 already. With all the negativities I have right now, when someone greets me a happy birthday for sure I will be crying because of all the pain.

I decided to write it now because I am not sure if I am still here on Earth on the next coming days. While I have the time, my wish is to everyone to pray for me to give me more wisdom to understand what is happening. I am aware but I need to dig deeper so that I will not be hurt but accept everything as part of the challenge of my life. I thought I was strong enough to accept it, but day by day I get weaker and weaker, and now hopeless. Sometimes I am thinking, I don’t want to wake up anymore. I know it is wrong, but it is just a normal response of a negative person. I don’t know what to do sometimes. Even a tight hug cannot make me feel okay.

Please continue to pray to for the negativities be thrown somewhere else. There are times I am thinking how will I be buried. What will happen to my family? How can they ask for money? Who will do everything just to have my remains be buried? That is the worst kind of imagination but I am really thinking about it. I always ask for forgiveness to all of my sin. I don’t know if I will be here tomorrow, so I must prepare myself.

I really want to ask help, but I am ashamed of myself for asking help. I don’t know why. I always think that they already helped me so I must stop asking help when it comes to finances. I wish there will be something that will appear on my hand. One day, I wish there will be some friends that will visit me, become aware of my situation and come back one day with financial help. I wish that those who promised me to support for my medicine bills have spare money on the coming month and share it to me or allow me to loan it, even with percent. On how I can pay back in return, I don’t have any idea. All I know is that I need money for my medicine bills. Every negativity I have right now evolved on this medicine that is why I feel down.

I need miracle. I am in between “hoping I continue to live to just die situation” and I feel useless. Please pray for me to be strong, to keep fighting, to make this one heal even without medicine, to make the impossible possible….I need any help you can give…..

I hope not to feel any regret sharing this….

Please pray for me…

 

 

Image credit to https://pixabay.com/en/dead-end-sign-cul-de-sac-hopeless-1529593/

 

 

How my Faith Helping me with my Illness?

A good friend said “You might not have funds, but you have another F and that is Faith. Faith will bring you to solving your problem”

The one that told me the exact message above is one of my good friend and online earner too. She said she have no funds to help me back up and she is worrying too on how can she helped me. I told her to always pray. She always send me a message on Facebook, asking about my condition. She wants to be always updated. I told her everything that is happening to me and we have a daily conversation. I told her that everyday and everyday, there are different people that is helping me with prayers, concern, on how to get helped and sending me little of their money through gold points, tips, Paypal etc. And then she told me that lines, that my faith is very powerful, my prayers are moving mountains that I always find people to help me, in everyday of my life.

I always ask, “Please pray for me, please continue to pray for me” because I always pray.I always pray for myself, for the personal request of other people, for other people to continue praying for me, I have all the time to pray. I guess this thing that I consistently do made my faith become so powerful that even without that big funds in front of me, people are accumulating whatever they have and giving it to me. All help counts, everything counts!

My faith became my full medicine. Early in the morning I am talking to God already. I am asking him what will happen to me for today. That if ever it will be a full bleeding I able to be awake to get some help. I am praying that one day the bleeding will stop and there are days that I do not have bleeding at all. I am asking Wisdom will be given to me, to fully understand what is happening and to accept that everything is for temporary. My faith is being tested at the moment but I choose to fight and believe in my faith because I know I will collapse if I don’t. I am strong now because of my faith. There will be days I find myself weak because I am crying but still I consider myself strong for I will wipe this tears and move on. It makes me braver, it makes me know the people who will stand by me, who will pray for me and will be forever concerned. With my faith I learned to know people around me and who will be sticking on me. Now I am loving life with this faith and will not give up to my invested faith because it is my bullet to survive.

Again, please pray for me!! I learned that I have a lot of friends that are truly concerned, thanks for this illness for I had come to know all the loving online earners/people!!

 

Image is mine. Adoration Chapel Landmark Mall Chapel,  Makati. Philippines

Sheridan, It Means a Lot to Me!!! Thank you!!

Last night I visited the site because I missed it. I missed it a lot. A lot of members are missing it. We are all like a stray cats right now because we do not have a second home. As I was in the hospital I was blogging, it is because I used to used up my time in doing blog draft when I was waiting for results before. Then I remember, Blogjob already suspends the rewards…

You can read my post about it on this posts

I Miss You Blogjob!

Then when I checked my email tonight, I saw an email from Sheridan. I was not blinking because it goes with the amount. I thought I have pending payment, but the amount is bigger that an expected pay for minimum threshold. I can’t figure out why I am receiving such amount from Sheridan and then I remember, maybe he read about my recent blog and that amount is his way to help me.

I cried.

I really cried.

It is hard for me to ask for people to help me, to ask them to transfer their money to me, to transfer their gold points, to ask for tips, and everything happening in the online world. Friends and strangers begin helping me without a doubt. I can’t really explain how I am happy and proud to be an online earner because of everything that is happening. Without this help, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Then an email with Sheridan. He transferred me money. Without a word, without any message, he sends helped. I couldn’t believe that even up to now he extends his kindness. I never expected this. Up to now, I am not sure of the right words to thank him!! He is a person with a great heart. He is very kind. Everyone can testify about that. I am really shaking right now. I am touched. I feel I am loved. It makes me feel I have a lot of people backing me now.

This big storm in my life really change me as a person. I never thought I have a lot of friends. I thought I was alone in this battle, but no, I am wrong. I cannot measure the help because every comments on my posts, every prayers, every concern, every private messages, every tips, every transfer of gold points, every transfer of Paypal money, really counts as a HUMONGOUS HELP. You are letting me live long. I owe my life to you all.

Sheridan, God Bless you and your family. Because of you I will remain positive. I will fight this battle. Thank you! You will be always in my prayers. I hope Blogjob will come back. I will let everyone knows that the person who build Blogjob is an angel!!

 

 

Photo is mine, my own writing thanking an angel, Sheridan Corey!

 

I Miss You Blogjob!

I miss you. I went to the hospital earlier. I was blogging on my phone and then I cried. I was blogging because I thought I will able to post it on it, but then I realized it suspends the rewards. I really and literally shook my head from doing that. I never thought this one will happen to me.

I am sad, I want to blog this but I choose to have it in here so that everyone online will able to see. You had helped me a lot of times from my medicine. If you are up, I should not be asking everyone to donate me their points, their gold points, I don’t have to have an account at some crowdfunding sites to ask for people to please donate money. I don’t have to ask for help to other people to accompany me to go to Philippine charity sweepstakes office to ask for money. I will be needing that money next week for surgery. I have liver laceration and internal bleeding because of the laceration. I will be losing blood if the laceration will not be fix, so I need the surgery.

I am not blaming this site. I am just here because I miss it and everything that we do here. I know Sheridan and company are doing their best about the site, that is why we need not to give up. Even we have not heard anything from you guys, any updates whatsoever, we are still hoping the site will come back. We love the site, I miss the site and I miss the earnings too. I know if it will come back, things will change, but I just pray that it will come back once again.

This site had helped me with life. I have a lot of rants in my blog. If this site was not around during that time, I do not have any idea how to survived it. I had a lot of problems and the site is my online site that I could turn too, that I know there are lots of people will able to understand me because they were facing the same problem before or maybe at present. I meet a lot of wonderful individual, i put lots of my best friends in here, I met wonderful individual, I met the smartest one, the most helpful, the friendly, the goofy, this become my everything.

I understand what happened. I accepted it. I will also accept whatever decision the owner want on the site, but it will not change what I know about it. This site became a friend, a savior, a second home, a critique, a learning path and experience path as well. It became my guidance with life, it helps me to accept decision, change decision, it makes me strong, it makes me know more about myself. It is truly part of my whole life right now and so as you I know.

Sorry for this long post. I just went to the hospital and got to received a bad news, please pray for me and then I missed it. I really miss it. I missed Sheridan’s kindness, him for always being helpful and approachable. I give all my respect to the site, even to the last days of my life… no I am not dying. I will survive this, I will fight for my life and you will help me with your prayers.

I love this site so much and Sheridan as well. Just want to say this now. I don’t have any one to talk too, so I am writing…. see you back, I hope it is SOON….

Please pray for me!!! Thank you!!

Fall Short of a Goal

Because I have fever since last Friday, like June 3 to be exact, I was staying home the whole time. I decided to have a goal at my call review site and my goal is to reach $70 this week, just to make up to the salary I should be completing for the next week. However, because I am not feeling well, I fall short. I am half of it, but not near the amount. I can only work for 6 hours a day because my head is aching every time I look at the computer screen. Most of the time while reviewing calls, I close my eyes. Take note, I was reviewing calls while lying in bed, that is why I will just find myself waking up while the laptop is on and there is a call waiting for my tag. Also, another disadvantage is that, when you are ill, you cannot comprehend easily. I felt I lost my hearing or maybe I really can’t understand the conversation because of high temperature.

Now, I only have $43.79 as I am doing this blog. I know it will increase a little later on tonight but I am sure a dollar will only be added that I could consider I fall short to my $70 goal. I am not feeling bad about this as I am avoiding to feel that way. I rather look on the good things that I realized while doing this goal and I will truly save that experienced.

First, I learned that on my favorite Category, the volume of calls is high during Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Philippine Time. I remember reviewing calls, not consistently though, up until 7 in the evening, last Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday, the calls are there up until 4 in the afternoon. Friday, at 1 in the afternoon and today, Saturday, I think it will be for 10 am. Later on tonight, I know the calls will start at 11 in the evening based on my experiences. I will be staying up in the morning, until my body can handle to add to my earnings.

I also keep tracking of my earnings per hour. My highest earnings is $1.49 and my lowest is $0.64. I am averaging $1.065 an hour. If I will consistently working for 10 hours, with accuracy I will be getting $10.60. For a week, with consistency still, I could get $53, not counted the reviews on Saturday night and Sunday, if there is.

Now, I realized, I need to adjust my goal because $70 is unrealistic to what I am earning on the average. That is good to know. I appreciate the experience.

Humanatic Earning June 11, Sat morning
Humanatic Earning June 11, Sat morning

 

 

Photo from Pixabay

https://pixabay.com/en/goal-football-goal-net-sport-1141472/

 

That’s my Typical Saturday

My typical Saturday is waking up early. I will go to the kitchen to check if my mother prepare a breakfast, if not, then I will prepare for myself. When my father is already awake, I will prepare his food too. After eating breakfast, I will go and play with my kittens. There is this one kitten that is longing for my attention almost every minute. I am regularly carrying him out of his cage and hug him. Even before I go to work I need to do it because he knows I will be away for longer hours. After it, I will have a little stretching. If I am not doing a stretch, I will start working on the dishes and cleaning the house. I will clean the bathroom as well. After it, I will wash my hand carefully and look for clothes. I will be preparing myself to take a bath. I will make sure I already change the water bin of my pets first.

I will take a bath for more than 30 minutes. I used to pampering myself with my favorite soap and shampoo. I make sure I will wash my hair carefully as I can’t do this during the week days as I am always rushing to finish bathing. I make sure I will put powder all over me. My bath will never be complete without a powder finish, lol. After it, I will open the Wifi Router and pass time by checking Instagram. I will stay on the site for 30 minutes and more and then I will be back working online if I have a site to work with. If not, I will be watching some movies or YouTube videos or might be sleeping to have some rest. Sometimes when I am sleeping, I forgot to eat lunch as I will wake up in the afternoon already. My parents do not bother me waking up when I am sleeping because they know I will not like that, though it is not good so do not be like that.

Unfortunately, I can’t do it today as I am sick….

 

Photo from Pixabay

https://pixabay.com/en/woman-chair-calm-field-green-1406353/

 

Still Not in the Work Mode

I am still suffering from Still Not in the Work Mode attitude. I start working offline now in this company and up until now, on my second, I am still not seeing myself being there. I did not even wish to be regularized. I guess with this kind of attitude I will not be regularized anyway. I lost the kind of feeling I have before. I was hardworking and full of dreams whenever I have a new job. I am always inspired and love making a good impression. Right now, I feel little laid back and I don’t care if they will like me or not.

If there is something wrong with the company, it doesn’t matter anymore. What I think more is that there is something wrong on me and my attitude. I keep on praying, actually, I do it every morning before I fix myself. I guess the prayer is not working. I don’t want to regret everything in the end so I am trying to change my attitude over work. There is something wrong with my attitude and this will not be helping me.

I know God gave me this work so I should appreciate it. Maybe because it has been a long time since I am not working, that I lose the old me. I just need a little more time to realized this for me to get improve. I am a good employee. I could be the best person a company can have, however, I am like an internet connection in the Philippines that is slow to respond to what is happening in my surrounding. I don’t want a terrible reason to push myself as I need to push myself now. The best reason will be the loan and debt to pay and of course the dreams that has been delay.

Please God make me a person that is helpful to the company, just like the old me when I was working before.

 

Photo from Pixaba

https://pixabay.com/en/student-typing-keyboard-text-woman-849825/