Time Change = Earlier Bedtime Sort Of

The time change is not my friend. I like the Autumn, the Winter, but the one thing I’m not a fan of is feeling like I want to crawl into bed at 4:30 p.m. because the sun has gone bye bye.  I mean once the sun is down it really feels like it’s time to just put on the pajamas and call it a day, but there are still things to be done, places to go and now by the time I get home from picking up the kid from karate, it feels like it’s already past my bedtime. I know I’ll adjust and be back to staying up til 2 a.m. again in no time, but this week feels like the time change could result in an earlier bed time pattern.

I’m sure I’ll push that a little more every day and eventually screw it all up, but if I go to bed in the next 20 minutes or so, I’ll definitely be going to bed earlier than I have been in a long time.  Yesterday was kind of the exception to that rule because I helped move one of my best friend’s stuff and it was a long day.  I have to be honest though, I don’t know what I was so tired for. I did a lot, but I didn’t do any super heavy lifting like her boyfriend or my husband did.  All those elevator rides must have exhausted me – phew.

Today Sean asked me why the time needs to change. I have to be honest, I really don’t know WHY. Aren’t there states that don’t observe this? And last week I was on a site with international users and imagine my surprise to learn that the whole world doesn’t even change on the same weekend.  I tried to correct this British man and tell him “um excuse me, but did you know the time change isn’t until next weekend” to which he said something to the effect of, “not for all of us, just you weirdos in the states.”

Perhaps just another piece of proof that I need more sleep.

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I am Grateful

Tell ya what, I’m too lazy to go and check what day I’m on for being grateful and thankful, so I’m just going to post what I’m grateful for without having to assign a number to it right now.

I love that Sean is a cuddlebug. I do hate when people assume that a 9 year old boy shouldn’t be so snuggly. I don’t think he’s a momma’s boy, but I could be wrong. He likes to do stuff independently, but he finds nothing wrong with coming in and asking me if I want some “snugs” (a term he got from The Goldbergs).  I don’t mind it either, I love every second of snugs he deigns to give me which makes up for the fact that Zach was never much of a snuggler.  Oh sure I get hugs when he is in a good mood (or wants something), but he stopped cuddling me when he was about 4 and started cuddling the little baby I had given birth to instead.  I feel really lucky though, they don’t really “snug” with Dad too much, even though I wish they would.

I’ll be a bit cryptic with this one, but I want to say that I’m really grateful that roads that I once thought were barricaded were merely given a detour path and though it’s taken us awhile to get there, we’ve met up again at the crossroads and it looks like we can travel them together.

In my life I have mistakenly used the word “never.” You really never can say never.  In the heat of the moment or height of emotions, it can seem like you can adamantly say you’ll never ever do this or that again, but I’ve found more often than not that to forgive is high up in my list of priorities.

I’m very grateful that all the Halloween candy that I would even consider eating is now out of the house!

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My Halloween Costume: A Slightly Apathetic Mom With Time Management Issues

Normally I love to dress up for Halloween. It’s one of the things I look forward to the most because what good little thespian doesn’t like to dress up in silly costumes and play a part?

This year though, I’m just not feeling it.  By now I would have dressed up 10 times at different events, but this year just felt a bit blah because there’s just so much going on that has nothing to do with costumes and everything to do with stressing out. Something happened to our candy bowl too. There’s a hole in it or something because all of the chocolate is gone.

So this year in lieu of wearing a costume, I’m actually thinking of different costumes I can be and what exactly I can say to people:

Slightly Apathetic Mom with Time Management Issues- Right off the bat this sounds like the best costume in the world, even though it’s a bit lengthy to put on my cape.

Yoga instructor:  Perfect because that means I can just stay in the clothes I’m wearing now.  Maybe my prop can be my yoga mat and a water bottle.

A New Mom:  I mean I’ve already got the circles under my eyes, why not play to my strengths. I won’t even need to wear any makeup for this one.

Broke college student: I can’t pass for the college part, but I sure can pass for the broke part

Kid from Enter Sandman: I won’t have to go anywhere, I’ll get to stay home and grip my pillow tight. Sounds good to me!

I’m about ready to go and do the Elsa drinking game that my husband told me about. Does that mean if I put on an Elsa costume and stare into the mirror I can drink all night long?  Sign me up for some of that.

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Gratitude and Happiness Day 7

You ever have those days where you’re kind of glad plans got cancelled? I got all gussied up to go see Matt at work and when I say gussied up I mean I put on something other than yoga pants, and while it was an adorable outfit, I just felt really kind of – girly in it.  It was the kind of thing that I felt cute in, but already couldn’t wait to come home and put on sweats.  So right as we were leaving, I texted Matt to tell him we were on our way and he told me to wait, the plans had changed, there was no Halloween thing for the kids this year at work.  While the kids were mildly disappointed (which I took care of by declaring a 2 hour lunch break from school and we watched Survivor and The Goldbergs from last night) we were all kind of happy to change out of our ‘respectable clothes’ and melt back into comfy clothes.  So I’m pretty grateful for cancelled plans, sad and pathetic as that sounds.

Today I was really grateful for another writing site I am on. It’s more of a highly fast-paced, social writing site so it’s nestled between Facebook and this blog as far as what it offers me.  I’d been feeling a bit down in the dumps and there was a conversation going there about last texts ending up on your gravestones and some of them were so hilarious, it pulled me right out of the doldrums.

I’m grateful for Elementary starting tonight although I could do without the “Kitty” character, we’ll have to see where she grows after a few episodes.

I am happy that the kids took care of their own pumpkins this year and I didn’t have to do much except salvage the seeds I wanted to roast.

Did I mention I’m excited about roasted pumpkin seeds too?

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Gratitude and Happiness Day 6

I am really grateful for my children. I’m grateful for them everyday so that’s kind of cheating, I get it, but today there were a few stand out moments that made me want to write this.

First, I am grateful that Zach helped Sean carve his pumpkin.  It was really sweet how he tried to supervise, even though he tried to stick his hand in more than he needed to, he was trying to help instead of hinder (for a change).  It was sweet.

I’m also grateful that he helped me clean up the huge mess they both made out in the backyard once they were all done scooping out the guts.

I’m grateful that dogs eat pumpkin.

I’m grateful that there is a bowl full of pumpkin seeds out in my kitchen waiting to be roasted!

Sean just has the sweetest heart and tonight while writing in his not-a-journal journal he thoughtfully came to me and said, “How do I make the world a better place? I don’t know where to start, but I want to invent something that makes life better.”  I told him to think about the one thing that concerns him or that he worries about and not to worry about making it an invention, but to really think about people first or problems that people have first.  I have no doubt that in one way or another that kid is going to make this world a better place.

I’m also kind of grateful that he has moved off of the “I want to work at McDonald’s” ambition that he had, not that that’s a bad thing, but he only wanted to work there to get me endless supplies of hot mustard.  I told him I would rather he do a job that makes him happy and for five bucks, I’ll just go get myself my own hot mustard.

What he has shown interest in is massage therapy. I know that might sound weird for a 9 year old, but because of how tense and headachy I tend to get, he sometimes sweetly will rub my head or my shoulders and while it’s short, it always does make me feel better, so he has a healing touch.  It may not be what he does for life, but it’s an avenue he would be great at. He is a healer for sure with his spirit alone.

 

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Why Are People Such Meanie Heads?

You know what’s great about being social online? If someone hurts your feelings you can unfollow, unlike, add them to some obscure list so that you don’t have to keep seeing them.  I wish sometimes you could do that for real life too.  Although today I actually am talking about someone online who was a tad rude.  I was very proud of myself, the way I have handled the big old meanie head because I won’t be shaken even though I felt my cheeks turn red and I felt a little stab in my heart.  It was someone whom I thought was pretty cool too, but that’s the thing about people they have bad days and they don’t know how not to take it out on other people sometimes.

It was probably incredibly infuriating for him as I said “you are absolutely entitled to your opinion and wouldn’t take that away from you. Here is MY opinion and thusly you cannot take that away from me.”  Things like this tend to stick with me and seep into my real life, I am human after all, but I think I’ll try to leave this one right where it started.  He doesn’t have to get to me and although he has invited me to the argument by responding again and again he is kind of reminding me of a little kid jumping up and down saying “look at me, watch me, over here, did you see me, look no hands, hey, hey you!”  I have politely declined the invitation by side stepping the screaming toddler and continuing on my way.  He will be someone else’s problem now.  I honestly wish I could be that calm and collected in person. If this guy was in front of me right now, there might be a fist making contact with his adam’s apple.  Just saying.  I’m very zen online, but he’s lucky he lives on the other side of the world.

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Gratitude and Happiness Day 5

Today I’m pretty grateful for doors.  Doors which I can close to distance myself from the grumblings of a frustrated teenager.

I am also grateful for hugs from that same teenager and his out of the box thinking that makes me laugh.

I’m incredibly grateful for the charter school paying for Zach’s drum lessons because he is loving it, which I knew he would, a place for his energy to be focused and redirected just like when he does karate.

I am so happy that I got to see one of my best friends tonight for dinner. I’d also like to toss in there how grateful I am for soup, salad, and breadsticks and a waiter who didn’t mind me saying that I needed a “s**t-ton of meatballs” in my to-go order, even though he didn’t know exactly what that unit of measure was.

My little sweet boy, Sean, raced out to the garage when he heard my car pull up (or I guess he heard the garage door because nobody can hear my car pull up, it’s a hybrid) and he yelled out “I couldn’t wait!” When I asked him if he was talking about the leftover bread sticks I had brought home, he said “No, I couldn’t wait for you to come inside to give you hugs!” and I got the world’s biggest and bestest hug ever.  He didn’t want anything from me, he didn’t want to play his phone, watch YouTube, have a bread stick, he just wanted to give me a hug, he actually missed me for the 2 hours I was gone.

I’m grateful to be loved like that.

Zach is almost done with having braces.  We’re in the homestretch, the fine tuning of it all and he has just a couple of visits left if all goes well.  Then it’s time for retainers, but that’s another post, probably not in the grateful category since I had my fair history with broken retainers.

I am grateful that James Spader made a comeback in Blacklist.  He was once this creepy guy from Pretty in Pink, then he was the lesser Daniel Jackson, but now he is Raymond Reddington and this show rocks my world.

 

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Genuine

This is a word I’ve heard about myself and my writing lately and I rather like it.  It’s actually a place that I’ve worked to get to over the course of my life too.  There was a time when I was as plastic as a Barbie doll, maybe as a defense mechanism, maybe because the shoes and outfits were too cute to pass up, not to mention the Ferrari (probably the former, though).  All my life I’ve wandered, as my husband would say, like Cain in Kung Fu, wandered around searching for that special place where I fit in.  I have felt like every bean in the bag of Jelly Belly flops, I have felt like piece number 1,001 in a 1,000 piece puzzle.  To keep with the puzzle analogy I probably crammed myself into a spot where it looked like I fit only to find that I didn’t match perfectly and went back into the pile of pieces again.

I have been the person who will change what she likes based on who she’s hanging around with, no voice of her own because all she wants is to be accepted and liked.  I have turned into the person that now knows what she likes and could give a rat’s behind about what anyone else thinks. I am now…Genuine.

Because I could care less what anyone thinks of me anymore, and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, but more of a self-preservation way, I feel pretty free to say what I want to say when I write.  I will write about things that might make people feel a little uncomfortable or embarrassed for me, but I once I keep on talking, they eventually just start to feel very safe around me because they know that I’m exactly what they see, no more, no less.

Once when I was in school, and we didn’t have cable tv, I was mercilessly teased because I pretended to know what show the kids were talking about until I was caught of course (it was so clever of that horrible little girl, she tricked me by making up characters to see what I’d say about them).  I was embarrassed of course.  I didn’t want to be outcast because I didn’t know what they were talking about and yet I was outcast because I tried to fit in and failed.

Now when someone talks about something I have no idea about, I admit it that I have no clue what they’re talking about, and hey guess what? They still are my friends (or still a stranger on the transit system, depends where my day has taken me).

I like that my writing is described as heartfelt and genuine, it means that I’ve found myself and now that I’ve found me, I can share that with everyone else.

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Gratitude and Happiness Day 4

-Today we got to go on a field trip to the National Weather Station. It was so wonderful of them to open up their offices and take time out to talk with our students and teach them about meteorology.  I am grateful that we have opportunities like this for the kids even as homeschoolers.

-My mom will actually be grateful for this one – moments like the above mentioned, I can see how my mom really was trying to offer the best of all worlds to me as I grew up. Because of what she did, by giving me TOO many options, it helps me be more selective for the things that I offer to the boys.  I also can see how she wanted me to have a sample of everything at the buffet before deciding on what I really wanted to hone in on.  I get it.  So I’m grateful for moments in my own parenting where it helps me understand my parent better and also moments of my own childhood that help me be a more effective parent. One day I’ll get this right – too bad they’ll be 40 before it happens.

-Sean read me a story tonight. He tucked me in, gave me his bear, Sean Jr., and read me a story.  His reading has so improved, it has some great inflection, feeling, it’s pretty awesome.  He always says he doesn’t like to read aloud because he feels judged so I always have him read to the dog.  Tonight was the first time I had heard him read for something that wasn’t for school. It was a nice change of pace being read to also.

– Today we went to the Lego Store in the Arden mall because the weather station is around the corner from it.  Both kids were very gracious and just wanted to look.  Zach got a small keychain and that was it.  I didn’t expect them to ask for anything anyway, but it was nice that they didn’t, they really did just want to “go” to the Lego store lol

-I got to spend time with my kids today. Any day I get to do that is amazing.  Even if I do suck at the Wii games they were trying to teach me.

– I have a really awesome husband who I can talk to about my shortcomings as a writer lately and he knows how to cheer me straight up, with an added bonus of a hug.

Yes, it’s a good life.

 

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You Can’t Please Everyone

There is a very special place in the world, high up on a mountaintop I imagine it to be just about wide enough for me to sit on cross-legged and as long as I don’t do any extraneous shifting, I can sit right in this spot and everyone in my world is happy, content, I’m doing everything right in this one tiny spot.  Of course, I can’t stay in this spot forever, so when I slide off this spot on the mountain, inevitably I’m going to come down the wrong way to some, brilliantly to others.  Really, I guess it’s just in people’s nature to think that they should be in your business and have some right to judge you as if you are not living life to their standards will somehow inconvenience them in some way.

I started thinking about the ways I have not met people’s expectations and how it is laughable how you really and truly can never win because everyone has a different expectation for how lives other than their own should be lived.

My motto is basically “screw what everyone else thinks” because that’s the only way to get through the day sometimes.

Today for instance I was dressed “too nice.”  I had gotten dressed in the thing that made me feel the least fat, so yeah, sure that equates to “too nice” I guess.  However in the same group of people just 2 weeks ago, my wearing yoga pants was frowned upon because people shouldn’t wear yoga pants in public.  Says who?

Ordering a salad one day is me trying too hard to watch my weight, on another day ordering a cheeseburger is bad for me.

I drink loose leaf tea, I’m a snob, I drink bagged tea I’m a Cretan.

I let my kids play video games, I’m a terrible mother, I don’t let my kids play video games I shelter them too much.

Make up your minds people and while you’re busy doing that, I’ll be eating a cheeseburger salad with bagged loose leaf tea while wearing my yoga pants with a too nice shirt, playing video games with my kids in this bubble because I will do exactly what makes me happy and that’s about as far as I’m willing to go in my efforts.

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