Stop Pushing My Buttons

I want to make it clear that I see the levels and depths and complexity of your wretched selfishness. You think my eyes are blinded, that I notice not how you toss me aside when you don’t need me, carelessly letting me slip away like a losing lottery ticket, a wasted gamble at the racetrack, the last dollar chip between your fingers when just five minutes ago you were up and that chip was nestled among big brothers with two zeroes attached behind their ones.  I am the haunting reminder that you have nothing, maybe even less than nothing, a problem you don’t want and cannot solve.

The pain of being useless to you multiplies tenfold, a hundredfold, you want to do everything the hard way, but sometimes it’s not my fault, I am merely the instrument and you are the clumsy musician.  My music in another’s hands would be melodic and soothing, cheery and lively, not a wrong note to be hit, but in your grasp it’s off-key, it’s ugly, it’s tense and chaotic, not at all beautiful.

My memory is long. Sixteen thousand circus elephants, under the big top with little hats on their heads, standing side by side in a circle, round and round, the memory lasts, repeats over and over.  I have never forgotten a single moment of you making me feel like I was so much less than your equal.  I once stood before you, statuesque, confident, unashamed of who I was, someone who felt complete and whole with you, now just a mere fraction of who I used to be.

You seem to derive greatest pleasures when you are pushing my buttons, one after another after another.  How many more to go, how much more can I stand?  There are only so many places I can go!

Go ahead trade me in or stuff me into the junk drawer and forget all about me.  Replace me with the newer model, shiny, sleek, fancy, all things I’ll never be, things I never claimed to be, things you said were never important to you.

Oh, how you lied. You absolute zero.

**Just a little free writing inspired by the old calculator on my desk.  Yeah, you’ll probably want to go back and read it again now that you know ;)**

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