My Sweet May Memories



All of us have memories. They could be forgettable or not. There are memories that continue to remind us.  How I wish my memories won’t last. As long as the month of May exists, my memories continue to exist. I am reminded of these memories the other day when I dined in a fast food center alone. I want to cool myself yesterday for it was so hot in our place. When I entered that establishment, I suddenly stopped for a moment. Do you want to know why? I heard a song I cannot forget. The song is entitled “First of May. “ I cannot recall the singer for I was fifteen years old that time this song was heard. I supposed not to enter to dine for my heart seemed prick with a very sharp needle. After few minutes my hunger keeps on telling me to move to order my food. I approved myself to enter order and dine with my favorite sea foods.

Yes, the past is still so fresh. It was May at age 17 when I had a summer vacation in Camp 12, Philips Bukidnon. There someone had a crush on me. Someone told me that his friend saw me walking in the pineapple plantation alone one afternoon. I recalled that instance, but cannot remember of a human watching me. I do not know where he hides that time. All I know, I want to see the vast plantation with pineapples ready to bear fruits. The man told me Renz Lopez was the name of the guy. From the way he described him, made me restless. I spent sleepless nights thinking about Renz, the tall, flawless, chinito and handsome young guy at 19. He studied in the University of Manila taking up Bachelor of Laws.

The next day, I was told by the man that I can meet Renz early morning the next day. He will sit in the vermuda grasses fronting our window. I was so tensed, but I assured him, I won’t frustrate Renz. Early morning came and saw him sitting on the grasses sweetly smiling at me. He signaled me to come down to talk, which I didn’t refuse.  And while coming nearer him, a song First of May was played, so memorable. He was so cute, nice, smiling, handsome and lovable. He visited me every morning and to make the story short, we became lovers. But time has come that I have to go home to enroll in first semester, and he, to go back to Cebu. We bade goodbyes and promised to get in touched through letters.

I enrolled my course Bachelor of Science in Physics minor in Algebra. Since this course needs attention, so I seldom replied Renz messages. He felt bad about that, so I made a decision to end our relationship. I want to concentrate on my studies and see myself graduate. He was so hurt, but accepted my decision. He is now a lawyer and married to a nurse. Do I have regrets?

I went home after I dined with a heavy heart. I am still single and if we are that strong, we might mean by each other. My feeling sucks every May and every time I hear the song “First of May.”

 

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The Realities Of Life

How we like to have our life always in a relaxed way, no hassle, no trouble, no problem. It’s hard, yes, it is hard for every now and then, there are many unforeseen things that just pop up , that may shift our mood. Those problems may not be ours, but we might be affected if the owners of those problems derive from our family and relatives. Sometimes my tears just fall if in trouble. Many came to me and asked for financial support for a sickness to be cured. This, of course, gives me trouble for going to the doctor this time is not easy, unless the patient has a health insurance. But in the country where I live, there is health insurance, but the monthly amortization to obtain the benefits is too high and only the elite can afford. There are many reasons why from being at peace, hassles suddenly block our way to go on enjoying with a hassle- free life.

Though there are petty things we consider disturbing our lives, but these things may cause some twist of our emotion. We could have a hassle feeling if someone helpless keeps on asking help from us. It is not easy to refuse if the person approaching us is our family member or a close relative in our family. It is disturbing, but because of love to our family, relative or even to a friend, as long as there is something we can do, so by heart, we do help. That is the power of love and our fear to God and , it is also better to give than to receive.

If there is God in our life, whatever problem we have, we always have ample hope to gain access to freedom of peace. It is not all the time that we face problems, so whoever wants our needs let us help. Let us not add pain and injury to their heart. This is always the picture of our journey on earth, rich or poor not exempted to face a problem and how a problem is solved unexpectedly.

                                   “Clouds may fill the sky but they are not the sky”
                                                       (   Sushil Singh )

 

 

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I Am Not Happy Today

You might ask why I am not happy today. We have many visitors at home and I lost my privacy. They stay whole day at home.  These people are siblings of my niece’ husband side. There are five of them. We serve them food, drinks, snacks. What I am not happy about is the consumption of current. Two air cons are operated in two bedrooms and five fans in the living room and in the other room near TV. I wonder why my niece cannot tell them to leave home before evening comes. I was upset by the way, but they cannot see my feeling through my face for I mingled with them once in a while. My niece stayed with us at home since birth; she has two kids now. Her husband is among the five people I consider a visitor for he is not at home. He works abroad as a nurse. He arrived in our place two days ago. My niece got pregnant of this man at 16, has a son at 17, married at 18 for this is the allowable age granted by our government to marry and has another son at 19. She turned 21 last December. She just earned some units in college .It’s hard for her to finish her education. There is no one to take care of her kids better than a mother like her. Besides, that is the life she failed to see behind her years as single and teen. She has no choice. We can never bring back the hands of time. Yes, there were times she sobbed and cried for she wanted to go to school, but her children are too young to be cared by a house helper. Her husband, too wanted her to finish her course, but there is no one to take care of the kids. I pity my niece, I told her to find an on line job, so there is something she could be busy about. I bought her a lap top and she has now a job on line.

Then I went to Ayala Mall to buy apples and vegetables I always like to eat like parsley, celery and spinach. Then, after three hours, I went home only to feel so mad when I saw one male visitor slept on my bed. How I wanted to shout. I was indeed angry. Who wouldn’t be angry for a trespassing done by that person? Nobody noticed him. He thought that it was for visitors’ room. He felt sorry for what he had done. I never responded. I locked the room, took the bed sheet and threw. It was also my fault for I forgot to lock the room. But if you are a stranger in a certain home could you have the gut to sleep on bed not yours?

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When Tears Fall

There is trouble when tears fall. A tear could mean in many ways. There are tears of joy and tears of sadness. Tears cannot be avoided if feel something bad in any way, but if it is all about tears of joy, the falling takes place only in few minutes. It does not prolong for the heart dictates differently when feeling happy. The nerves of happiness negotiate the tears to fade and bade goodbye, LOL.  When I hear a nice music that leads me to recalling of my buried past, I cannot avoid my tears to fall. The falling may last for few minutes  for it’s the heart that is devastated, thus, reminding the tears to exhaust the reminiscence to cease the substance that attract the tears to fall, that substance is called pain and longing of the buried past to be reinstalled on that divergent moment to let the  tears flow to the eyes.

When there is pain, the more tears like to fall. This kind of falling may lead the heart to squeeze and twist. This is what we called unbeatable falling for the heart that is directly involved may be out of control of the emotion ,that even the brain ,the most powerful adviser cannot suspend the cause of those tears. These tears may also be corroborated with sobs, sighs and cries. The tears may only subside if the brain holds control and advise the heart to look at his position and location above the heart. There are many adherents of tears. The most unlikable tear will be from a sorrowful circumstance someone leaving eternally and someone leaving partially. These are realities we all know would come to anyone, and no one is exempted.

Tears also fall for some regrets. If the feeling is sincere, it could be shown through the eyes of the person, tears wanting to fall to wipe away the sins and failures in life. Regret most of the time is followed by tears. It’s the heart that dictates you and me. It is in the regretting that we find peace and gradual happiness. Happiness is hard to find, but the more it will be a crucial feeling if do not try to find happiness, to let the tears stop falling from within.

Let us allow happiness to overrule the heart, not sadness. Life is too short to be wasted in tears.

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Stick To Your Goal

We need a goal to inspire us and achieve what we desire no matter how hard. A goal could be daily, weekly, monthly or annually. As a blogger here we have our daily goal that is to reach the points limit. Almost all of us here have this goal and those readers who are not bloggers here; I will be so thankful and grateful to you for at least, I could have a reader to this post, LOL. If you are a non-blogger here, what is your daily goal? I have learned from a friend, one time I asked her about her daily goal, and her answer was to always have foods to eat three times a day for her family. That is what we call continuity and enduring love goal. What about you?

If your goal is to become cute in a week, do it, stick to it. It is just a matter of discipline and patience. It is not easy to go on diet to become cute, LOL. It must not be instance, but gradual. Actually, my weight increased last month from the usual 55 kilos to 65, horror. That was my suspicion why some of my pants and clothes no longer fit me, hmph! Of course, I did not like it, so what I did I plan a week slimming goal challenge. I measured my rice, only 1 small cup, one viand, no sweets, less salts, no fatty and oily foods… only apple, jackfruit and water. Alas! I made it. My weight reduced much from 65 kilos to 54, so amazing one week slimming goal challenge. I did a lot of sacrifice that week, but I have to maintain it or else I will go back again to that slimming goal challenge.

Whatever goal you want if very much necessary, do it. There is nothing wrong if at first you won’t succeed, call it unsuccessful goal challenge, then go start again. Make it a short term goal challenge to avoid hassle and stressful moments. The only thing to realize our goal is to be always positive and hopeful.

We need goals and accomplish them,  for no  goals , no money to come LOL, but true.

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Music And Me

1.

I dropped my body on bed too tired of the feeling

There I drifted my mind to a blank space, only to feel the emptiness

That emptiness made my soul fainted

Being alone now is a terrible reality and squinted like a snail

Imprisoned in a tough fence of insanity

Yes, this was what I told myself while alone on bed

To gain some rest and clear my mind from the vulture of the past

That seemed sucking my nerves making me weak and restless

What shall I do to forget you?

I have to move on and let only your melody only to appear

Just that and nothing else for you are just created in a song

11.

I touched my head, and scratched it all over

My hand stopped for a moment from its scratching

Something it remembered, and that was music to play

I stood up and played mellow and rock tunes

At this time, I sat on bed listening to the music

My mood shifted to the real world

I touched my right face and eyes stared on the wall

As I thought, my eyes blinked and my whole body on static mood

For as I listened to the music, the more that I recalled my past

That past with our theme song rejuvenated with this rock tune

This kind of music must be stopped,

So I can breathe the presence and the future

111.

Being alone now on bed does not serve its purpose

To gain some rest so energy restores

What it becomes now vague feeling and thinking

As the previous music keeps on revolving, mocking

I have to act now, and replace rock to mellow

There goes my happiness as the tune slowly plays

My mind now clears the episode of the mockery

It continues to pave the portal of the presence

My mind drifted and drifted as I peacefully sleep.

 

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When I Am In Love

It’s normal to a person to fall in love. Each of us has also our unique way of feeling it though there is no big difference. What I mean here is that, it depends how we carry our own beating. Others condemn love as a killer, and of course, I will oppose for this judgment, for love is inherent to a human being, and it is felt through the heart the holder of life. It will be called fatal if the heart overrules the entire system of the body making the brain disable and cannot do its right function to justify that love is not a killer, but inspiring. Well, if you want to ask me about how it is when I fall in love, this is what I can say based on my experience and how my heart tells me. When I fall in love, I cannot understand my feeling…

 I am always restless thinking about him

                                                          During sleep, I am tossing in bed

                                                          It’s his face I always see

                                                          His eyes seems always looking at me

                                                          I feel not alone in this world,

                                                          If there is someone I love

                                                         This feeling is so magical and awesome

                                                         That even in dream I feel you caress me.

Yes, I feel like crazy. Sometimes I cannot concentrate on my work and I do not care what people say. Wherever I am, it is always him on my   mind. I do not feel the stressful life and the chaotic world, it’s only my constant joy and inspiration that surround the four corners of my heart. I never experienced loneliness. I am always brave to explore the most difficult if needed just to have you stay in my world. It seems only you and me the inhabitants of this earth. I do not know why I am this when I am in love.

  When I am in love,

                                                             No heartache, no pain

                                                             No rain, only sunshine

                                                            When I am in love,

                                                            There is always hope

                                                             I can cross the widest ocean 

                                                            Without you, life is nothing.                                                                 

That is how when I am in love. What about you?

 

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Why Daydreaming Inspires Me?

I used to daydream when I was young. I just wanted to daydream. When I am alone, lonely, sad, mad and happy, I daydream. It seems an automatic action my brain employs once feel or encounter any of those reasons. I am relieved from whatever circumstances that I failed to accomplish; likewise, when I am not able to succeed an actual dream. A concrete example for a thing that I failed to accomplish is a desired business like wholesale and retail of any tangible goods that are of great demands of the consumers, we call it mini-store. How could I accomplish it when I was young that time and lacked a capital, LOL. I also desire to have a franchise of any fast foods like Jollibee, but it requires millions, LOL, but that was my dream before and even now. That is why when I am alone and feeling frustrated, I daydream that I already have this business and see myself successful, he, he, funny, but true.

My boyfriend betrayed me, so I daydreamed that he will come back to me and land in the altar of the holy matrimony with him, LOL, then I realized it was impossible. But at least in my waking moment where time granted me the closure by accomplishing the past in a successful manner that gives impact to the reality that I am alone, thus, in that bare moment with the work of my brain through daydreaming is where I wake up with the reality , that time with that love is gone forever.

During my depressive moment, I reverse what I feel through daydreaming. I am the holder of my body, so I can twist whatever route I wanted to land in my brain. I am a fighter of life, and it’s me though, who can reach the avenue of my goal, and never give up life no matter what, for life is full of mysteries I have to fight for.

Conclusion: Life is what we make it, if failed, then, daydream and make that failure successful. It’s in that way where you feel the contentment and partial happiness. Bring that daydream from subconscious to conscious level to inspire life and have reasons to live for years.

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Human Error

Human error is inevitable. This could also be avoided through careful planning and focus .Human error could contribute problems in a big company and most especially in the field of medicine where life of patients is at stake. It should be noted that many perished because of negligence of a doctor giving patient the wrong medicine. This kind of error may revoke the license of the medical doctor, plus he or she must pay the crime committed in jail. Take for example the case of Michael Jackson; he died untimely due to his doctor’s error by prescribing him the wrong medicine. Life of a patient will never be retrieved due to negligence.

There is also a human error we called reckless driving. There are numerous vehicular accidents that happened in the world because of reckless driving. The driver may drive drunk, sleepy, not in the mood or problematic unable him to concentrate driving; thus, surely lead to fatal accident. Take note on the death of Paul Walker, famous celebrity in the world, he died untimely due to reckless driving of the driver. There are many perished on earth due to reckless driving.

Many airlines crashed due to human error, and we cannot imagine the struggles of the loved ones taking the pains and sorrows of the loss of their dearest family member, relative, friends and beloved wife or husband. What a pain due to human error. There were planes crashed until now not known where they plunged in the wide seas and oceans.

Human error may be personal. My friend failed her student because she lacked focus that time, and the grade shown in the system led the student to commit a suicide. This is a fatal error. The student cannot accept his grade and he was a consistent scholar. He should have asked his teacher or approached the heads to make a sudden correction of his grade rather than ending his life that way, so unfair decision. The teacher was investigated. Her reason was, she was in deep pain; her husband left her and their two children for another woman. It was not also good for her to bring her problem in school; it should be left at home. The teacher was dismissed from work. Her agony was doubled: infidelity of her husband and loss of job.

Let us avoid human error. Let us have focus in work, make correction, review, and investigate before letting a decision final.

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As the world is getting older…

people change.

Man is endowed with intelligence and the lessons acquired in school augmented his capacity to improve his performance; likewise, learning. It is so much advantageous on his part what he becomes, thus making him wise. In fact, we owe much what we have this time to all geniuses like Albert Einstein, Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, Dalton, and many more that helped shaped the world , so people now enjoyed the improvements of the world through all geniuses, philosophers , scientists , researchers, and the worldwide renown educators.

As years go by, geniuses and experts spent much time and money to know how  each one of us in the world get connected, so here we are now enjoying the globalization network. What a superb work of globalization. We are sitting in front of our computer at home seeing direct what’s happening in the world , and what’s going on with our relatives, friends, and loved ones overseas. In depth, we have to be thankful to the creators and designers of computer and internet for without them, we can never explore in the internet, and can never experience vast income through on line jobs that many at this point of time depend and reply largely for survival. Others no longer like to get employment in the inside world of himself believing to have without a boss relaxing and hassles-free. Many believe that security does not imply getting an active job , for they can be more productive and  save much through businesses on line, though some whose knowledge is at scarce in computer skills and expertise prefer to have a boss or manager to earn and have a salary.

Somehow through the movement of time, many forgot from what they used to like getting acquaint with the beauty of nature and its constant protection because many concentrate more on technology related trends. In conclusion, as the earth is getting older, changes happen , and our planet Earth can never become as what it has in thousand years giving  much protection and comfort  to humans because we , humans , eventually abuse the earth , so we now suffer CLIMATE CHANGE.

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