Top Ten Reasons to Stay Sober on a Date

How can this article be made family-friendly? If you want to share pleasure, the same general principles apply to sex that apply to pleasures in which even younger people rejoice. So, young adults are hereby invited to read whatever they like into this brief consideration of a trip to an amusement park.

  1. You want to be fully alert and attentive to the other person’s reactions. You don’t want your body’s urgent messages (“get rid of some of this horrible alcohol”) to keep you from noticing whether your friend just said “I like carousels” or “I don’t like carousels.”
  1. You want your responses to be efficient, though under control. Is your friend screaming with laughter, or with pain?
  1. You want to be able to help the other person in case something happens to him/her.
  1. You want your stomach not to be too full to enjoy a sudden jolt on the Ferris Wheel or drop on the roller coaster track.
  1. You want to be clean. You want to be able to cling, cuddle, or even hide your face against the other person, without fear that the sight or smell of you will disgust her/him.
  1. You want to be fit to drive home.
  1. You want to wake up the next morning thinking “What fun that was!” rather than “I can’t believe I did that, wasted all that money I couldn’t afford, didn’t get to do half the things I wanted to do, can’t remember which things I did, and now I need to go to the bathroom but I feel too sick to stand up.”
  1. You want to know that you didn’t specifically cause yourself to acquire any horrible diseases. You never know who may breathe on you but at least you can be sure you didn’t collapse headfirst into a toilet bowl.
  1. You want the other person to greet you with “That was fun! Thanks!” rather than “You were disgusting and, by the way, you did $5000 worth of damage.”
  1. If you brought home any little teddybears or similar souvenirs, you want to remember when and why you got them; you want the sight of them to remind you of fun and friendship during the years to come.



(This visual reminder to stand up for our principles and not be chicken was brought to us by Morguefile.)