Latest Posts

New Facebook Video: Intro to Overcoming Any Addiction Finding the Inner You Video Series

New Video Series

I have decided that I would do some videos in relation to the book I wrote, Overcoming Any Addiction: Finding the Inner You which can be found at lulu.com. This is my first video. It is just an introduction to what the future videos and series of videos will be like and what they will be for. This is a short summary of my story and why I wrote my book, Overcoming Any Addiction: Finding the Inner You. I hope these videos can help even one person. If you would kindly share them with others if you feel they would benefit from them or if you think they could share them with someone else, feel free to do that. I hope that in my efforts of finding myself through recovery from my addiction, I can help even just one other person find their way into overcoming an addiction as well. To watch my first video please go to my Facebook page.

 

Thanks and hope to read comments from any of you!

Maximizing Your Potential: How Can You Do It?

Living life can be hard or at least that is what most people think. Recently, I discovered a new truth to that statement. Living life can be hard only if you make it hard on yourself. Yes, there are going to be tough things that happen to everyone. Yes, there are going to be many times (maybe even almost every time) when things don’t go the way you planned. Yes, there are going to be unforeseen and sometimes unfortunate circumstances that come your way. However, the only way that these things can make your life difficult is if you allow them too. If you can let go of them and accept them then you can work more on maximizing your potential in the life that you call your own.

How can unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances make your life more difficult?

maximizing your potential

Maximizing your potential can be done through acceptance. https://goo.gl/KLIn11

Right now you might be thinking that I am being tough on you. However, I have been there many, many times and I have let unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances bring me down over and over again. Recently I began to think more about all of my life and how I let anxiety and stress control me. I let them control me. I also realized how I was making things more difficult on myself. Some of the many ways that I (and I am sure many others) have allowed unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances to make life more difficult include the following:

  • Allowing my mind to get stuck on these things that happen (guess what, I can’t change anything after they have happened and most of the time they are out of my control so there is nothing I can do about them).
  • Allowing myself to get stuck in my own self-pity because things didn’t work out how I wanted them to (guess what, life isn’t a plan word for word, it is a journey that is traveled at different lengths and predictability is not one of them).
  • Allowing myself to go to the what if, what could have been, what should I have done (these questions only hinder any progress that I could be making and they certainly don’t help at all).

As you can see I have put a lot of thought into the way that I have let certain things control me. I have now made a pact with myself to get over that and leave it behind. I have made the decision to remember that life is uncontrollable but there are certain things in life that are under my control and those are the things I will focus on. Anything else that happens is up to life to handle and me to accept as is. The more I accept the things that I can’t control, the more growth I will have and the more happiness that will come into my life. Also, the more I accept the better I get at maximizing my potential. Do you want to start maximizing your potential? Give these thoughts that I have had a try in your life.

Thank you everyone for allowing me to share and I look forward to hearing and responding to any comments or questions that you might have. I will share with you all again soon. Have a fantastic day!

Make the Most Out of Your Day

Addiction Recovery Newsletter

Volume 1/Issue 2

News This week

There really has not been much going on this week. However, I did create another blog post and if you missed it you can find it here. I realized that I was procrastinating and not spending enough time working on my personal blog. However, I am getting there now and now is better than never, right?

My husband and I have been working hard trying to get our property ready for our house before the winter comes. It is coming along and I believe going very well. I feel great today and I hope all of you can find something positive in your day as well.

Today I am going to offer you some questions and answers that have been on my mind lately and maybe yours as well.

Q: How can you make the most out of your day?

A: Well this can really vary depending on the life that you live and how much you have going on. For me, I work from home and I am trying to find more writing jobs as well, I spend time with my children and my husband but I don’t seem to take enough time for myself, doing things that I enjoy, such as writing these blogs. I have decided that starting tomorrow things that I wanted to do will go on my to-do list and this way they are right there for me to see. You may want to try to put anything that you want to do on your to-do list because writing things down really can make all the difference.

make the most out of your day

Make the most out of your day. https://goo.gl/jtqAWd

Q: What can you do if things just aren’t going your way?

A: First of all, things don’t go my way almost every day of my life. However, I have a new way of looking at things. For my life, I realized that most of the reason why things weren’t going my way because I was in my own way. I was causing problems in my own life. Now that I know that (so figure out why you think things aren’t going your way) I can move forward. Now I found a system of organization that works for me. I also started to realize that I can’t control everything but I can do everything with the things that I can control. This has really helped improve my happiness.

“To live your life to its full potential, you must actually know how to live it.” –Cara Havens

More to Follow

Now, while I would like to share with all of you everything on my mind. There is a great writer (yes, she is my sister) who I would love to link out to at this time. She recently wrote an article she said was inspired by my need to balance out my life and I would like to share that now. It is called 3 Tips for the Working Mom: Work-Life Balance. She really is an amazing woman and I am very proud of her. In fact, she is definitely one of the people who inspire me the most to help others.

Like Videos Instead….

Currently I don’t make YouTube Videos but I would like to start soon. In the meantime, for those of you who would rather watch a video about how you can make the most out of your day there is a great one here. It is short, sweet and to the point but offers some really great advice.

Last but not least, if you would like me to send you a personalized letter please fill email me at cgmom88@yahoo.com with your name and address and I will hand write you a letter. If you can just tell me something about yourself that would help greatly. If you prefer that I respond to you via email please let me know that as well. Thank you very much for reading my second newsletter and I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

Tip for the Day: Don’t ever give up on yourself. Even when times are tough, keep going until you find the silver lining. You can do it!

From Procrastination to Action: How to Get Going in Life?

As you all can see I have been procrastinating on getting here to post some more. I have not been doing this on purpose but this seems to be a re-occurring habit of mine that I am trying to break. For those of you who don’t know I am a professional freelance writer so I write pretty much every day. The topics that I write on do vary but for the most part I actually write about addiction and recovery, self-help topics and some others as well. I can easily write for my job but for some reason I fail to keep up with my personal writing such as here on this blog. I believe there are many reasons for that but it all really boils down to my fear of failure I think. I am still often afraid that others won’t like what I have to say or that I will offend someone with my writing. However, recently I have decided to change my mindset about all of that. How can I ever succeed if I don’t try? How can I ever help others through my writing if I don’t write? Those things aren’t possible without action. I have decided to go from procrastination to action and today I am going to share with you on how I started doing that. Remember though these are the things that have worked for me and they may or may not work for all of you but I will share them all the same.

What are the ways that I have gone from procrastination to action?

procrastination to action

You can turn procrastination to action. Tapping a Pencil via Flickr https://goo.gl/3uEDXr

As I mentioned my procrastination has gotten the best of me lately especially in the terms of my personal writing. However, that is not the only aspect of my life that procrastination has taken hold of. Some of the other areas of my life include my personal life, my household chores, my research for personal growth, my daily schedule and more. I have let things slip but recently when I decided to change procrastination into action I made some great changes that have helped me not only get things done but feel much better about myself too. Some of the ways that I have gone from procrastination to action include:

  • Making a to-do list every night for the following day and marking things off right when I get them done (if something doesn’t get done it gets transferred to the next day). When I first started this a few days ago I was only getting about half of the things on my to-do list done but today I got all but one of them done and this post was on there too.
  • Tracking every minute of my day. I started this the same day I started making my to-do lists and I know three days of commitment to something doesn’t sound like much to some but it is a major deal for me. I write down something when I start doing it and then I write the time I started next to what I am doing (this is all done in a notebook). When I finish each thing I write the time I finished next to it. At the end of the day I write down how much of my time goes to personal things, to my work and to my household chores too. This has helped me to see where and how I was actually spending my time. It is amazing what changes need to be made from time to time.
  • Keeping all of my journals, my schedule, my bills and other needed items in one place. Another thing that I have procrastinated on is organization. I believe the main reason for this is because I felt like everything needed to be separate because that made me feel more in control, although little did I know it having everything apart from one another was making me lose control and have more stress too. I found a briefcase and started organizing everything in that. I have dividers to separate my to-do lists, a list of phone calls I need to make, my journals, contact information, ideas I have and more. Everything is now neatly separated in this organized briefcase. Now, I can still separate things while having everything together and it works out great. I take it with me wherever I go.

I now know that procrastinating is one of the many things that has gotten me so stressed and anxious over the years. Now, I know I just recently started taking consistent action in my life and my organizing efforts but it is working and I am pushing myself to stick with it. I really hope that these ideas help even just one person to put their life into action and end procrastination once and for all. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and I hope to share more with all of you very soon.

From Anxiety to Precious Moments: What to Think?

Hi everyone. I know my post on here that was supposed to be weekly turned into a little over two weeks. I have had a bit of a time adjusting to life as I now know it. The great thing, though, is that I am learning so much about myself, my husband and my children. You see before I always thought that I was giving everything in my life up because of my husband or my children and I know that is what many of my family members believe as well. However, through much soul searching and time to think and I have come up with many facts.

What facts have I come up with?

Soul searching is not easy for me and I am sure it is not easy for many others either. However, if I want to fix the issues in my life and have healthier relationships with myself and others then it must be done. Some of the facts that I have come up with through soul searching include:

  • I am in control of the choices that I make.
  • The choices that I make are not anyone else’s.
  • Even if someone has certain feelings, those feelings do not force me to do things. 
  • The choices I have made in the past were mine and mine alone.
  • I wasn’t social at times because I was afraid of getting too close to others.
  • Even though people thought I was happy certain times in my life I probably wasn’t.
  • I have never been comfortable with myself until this last couple weeks (not because of my life situation now but because I realize that my past does not determine who I am today).

These are some of the facts that I have come up with during the searching of my soul. As mentioned I have had a lot of time to think lately and I know that I have issues that need to be addressed by me. I have asked others for their support and I am hoping to continue having that support from my mother, my husband and others in my family as well. However, I now know that I can’t rely on others for my happiness because until I am truly happy with myself things aren’t going to change.

What are some of the issues I will be addressing in later posts?

After all of the time that I have had to think I have come up with a list of issues that I have that I would like to work on. Now, before it comes to anyone’s mind, no I am not being too hard on myself. These issues are valid to me and I believe that they are issues in my life that are stopping me from being the person that I want to be. Some of them are not as big of issues as others but I wanted to be clear on all of the issues that I can think of at this time. Some of the issues that I will be addresing in later posts include:

  • My lack of commitment to those that I love.
  • My fear of not getting things done correctly.
  • Guilt tripping others into feeling bad so they can feel as bad as I do half the time (I guilt trip others so they can feel bad and then I stand up after they say they feel bad  just to say no that’s not right I am the one to blame). I am not sure why I do this yet but I am getting there.
  • My infidelity issues from the past (Yes, family out there I have hurt my husband more than you guys know. I let you guys believe otherwise for so long but the truth is out. It hasn’t been just five years ago or four years ago. There have been more than that and my husband is still supporting me emotionally to this day. What a great man, right? Yes, he has issues that are being worked on as well but they are not the cause of our situation today.
  • My fear of the past and all it has done to me.
  • My fear that if I let myself be happy then I won’t be comfortable with life because I am so used to things going wrong.

These are the most common issues that I will be addressing in later posts. I actually have more issues than these ones but I wanted to make sure to note these ones first.

I appreciate everyone who reads my posts and I hope that I can touch even just one person by writing down the things that I do. I am opening up a whole new world of emotion that I still am not quite comfortable doing but there it is laid out there for all of you. I hope this post and future posts will help anyone of you with an issue that you may have in your life. Issues do not have to hold us back. We are in control and we can make changes that we see fit for our own life! I have already made changes over the last month and I plan to keep working hard to improve my life even more! A shout out to my husband, Ryan, for still sticking it out and loving me after all I have put you through. A shout out to my mom, for being my phone call lifeline, when I need someone to check in on me or just someone to talk to. Hope you all look forward to my next post.

Admit the Addiction: Find Your Strength and Support

Addiction Recovery Newsletter: Volume 1, Issue 1

Hi. My name is Cara Havens. This is going to be my first newsletter for my company Addiction Recovery Solutions. I started my company about 6 months ago but I have not had any time to do much with it. The goal of my company is to  help other addicts, sober addicts and recovering addicts make the admission of their addiction and do what is necessary to leave their addictive lifestyle behind. Many of these addicts need some support and some advice before they can start their sobriety and/or their recovery as well. Many addiction professionals do recommend attending AA as a part of the sobriety and recovery plan. While I never attended these recovery meetings myself, that does not mean that I do not recommend them. I believe that every addict will stay sober and work on their recovery in different ways. For many sober and recovering addicts AA and other recover meetings have helped them. Other sober and recovering addicts never cared much for them and even others never tried them during their sobriety.

Here in the Addiction Recovery Solutions’ first newsletter where you will find the main contact information for reaching me, my plan of action for the future newsletters and a  tip (which will be included in each newsletter).

Addiction Recovery Solutions

Addiction Recovery Solutions is here for you!

If you would like to ask me any questions regarding your addiction or the addiction of someone that you know the best way and the quickest way for you to reach me is at cgmom88@yahoo.com. I check this email multiple times each day and I will get back to you very soon.

I plan to do at least one newsletter each week. However, this is my first one so I will see what I can do and make an actual decision on this when I see how things go. My plan of action for each newsletter that I create will be to pick an addiction and recovery topic and release information and advice about that topic.  I will always include my contact information and a tip at the end of the newsletter too.

Anyone can overcome their addiction with the right motivation, the correct advice and the proper support network. Allow me to be a part of your support network and help you with the questions that you have. If you know someone who needs help overcoming their addiction I hope to be able to get you the information that you need as well. Thank you all for reading and I look forward to releasing the next newsletter.

TIP: To overcome an addiction, one must first admit their addiction.

Finding the Moment of Change

While someone is in recovery from their addiction they are often so focused on just the aspects surrounding their addiction. However, one of the first things that should always be noted in early recovery is that the use of harmful substances is often a side effect of other issues. Many addicts use harmful substances such as drugs and alcohol to cover up past abuse, emotional scars and more. Covering up these things, especially for a long time frame, causes more harm than good. If you have done this don’t be ashamed, almost everyone has. However, finding the moment of change is the AHA moment that you probably have been looking for. You may have been doing the same thing over and over and not seeing any improvements but this is because you haven’t had the thought that your life needed a different type of change. Once you realize this then you will finally be able to move forward.

moment of change

Create your own moment of change!

Here are some tips to help you with finding the moment of change if you haven’t yet:

  • Write down the attempts you have made in the past to change different aspects of your life (did these attempts last, how long did they last, what happened if they didn’t last).
  • Once you have done this use the information that you have come up with to decide what you would like to have changed in your life right now (why do you think that you haven’t changed this aspect of your life yet?).
  • Choose something that you would like to change and make a list of possible ways that you can change this (will any of these ways be possible for you or will you stand in your own way of making the change possible?).

Thinking about all of these things can help you to at least find the moment of change that you have been missing. What happens if you already have done this and you still can’t seem to stick with the changes that you want to make? That is an excellent question and there are answers for this as well.

Here are some things that you can do if you can’t seem to make the changes that you want to commit to:

  • Write the change that you want to make down (what attempts have you made, what happened with each attempt- be as detailed as you possibly can, how can you reward yourself to make yourself stay committed to that change?).
  • Talk with a counselor, a sponsor or someone that you trust about your fear or lack of commitment to making changes (oftentimes many recovering addicts find that they have had a fear of commitment for longer than they can remember). Recognizing this fear can help you to designate the true problem so that you can work on it and move foward.
  • If you have a pattern of  stopping your commitment to changing something in your life after 1 week then reward yourself for sticking to it every 5 days for one month. After the one month mark slow down the rewards to every week and then slowly decrease from there if you are still committed to that change until this change becomes a normal part of your life.

These are some of the things that have helped me and other recovering addicts to make changes and stick with them. You can reward yourself with anything that you see fit: a candy bar, going out for ice cream, going out to the movies, spending $20.00 at the store, etc. The reward may vary for each person but basically the reward is your motivating factor to make the changes that you need in order to improve your life.

Finding the moment of change in your life and in your recovery is the lightbulb that is needed to move forward.

What Kind of Help Are You Looking For?

Before I make my first post I would like to know what my readers would like to see from this blog. Are there certain questions you have about addictions or recovery? Are there certain problems you or someone that you love might be having? If you have a comment leave it below as I would like to create this blog as close as I can to the way my readers want.

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