Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 Has Some Greenlight Gamers Protesting Junkware

Russian developer Akakiy Petrushkin has a game on Steam Greenlight that’s getting a lot of attention for a lot of the wrong reasons. Well… some of the reasons are good, but most of the reasons aren’t.

The name of the game is Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 and it recently joined Steam Greenlight. There are some gamers who instantly cracked out into laughter at the concept, which includes a white and black man kicking each other in the genitals until one of them kicks the opponent so hard that his penis breaks off. Here’s the teaser trailer.

Balls Kicking Simulator 2016

Shit!

The tagline for the game is that it’s a game “about the hard life…”.

Some gamers didn’t take lightly to Balls Kicking Simulator 2016, not because of the genital mutilation or the fact that the game has a longer censor bar for the black guy than the white guy, but because they feel it’s junkware.

There’s a thread asking gamers to downvote all games that aren’t really games but troll titles. It’s started by Godzillarodan, who writes…

“Steam (and gaming) can’t take anymore of these cheap ♥♥♥ flash games! We need for the sake of this platform to take a stand and say NO! you may think this is a “cute harmless joke” it is not it is a parasite.

 

“if we don’t kill these things they will destoy the platform. DOWNVOTE FOR STEAM!”

The thread has a number of posts showing equal amounts of sincerity in dankness, with game developer Cleril from Cleril Calamity Studios chiming in to say…

“Actually we should all upvote it. Steam needs this game. We have tons of giant breasted visual novels available. We need to show our balls some love.”

It’s true that in the competitive arena there aren’t a lot of sports games out there that involve giant swinging balls.

Z0mbiebanana doesn’t care about the dearth of games involving gravity-based genital abuse, they were more-so disappointed that the “good looking” art-style was wasted…

“No… just no. It’s a real shame as you atually could make a game unlike many developers i see sometimes. The art style is actually really good looking. Instead of making a good game though, you decided to just make this crap.“

Anti social heavy also wasn’t feeling it, saying that he was going to downvote the game because it was trash. Slevin mentioned the same thing, saying…

“please stop making this kind of game steam is full of shit like this since shower with your dad simulator “

Just to clarify: the issue isn’t with being able to kick balls or attack the male genitalia. Very few seem concerned with the difference in genitalia length between the white and black fighters. Gamers don’t seem to have an issue with kicking balls… they have an issue with the quality of balls being kicked.

The general gist is that if you’re going to allow people to kick balls, it should be done with higher quality assets, better physics and more gameplay options. Of course, the game is still in development and only two of the game’s 12 pugilists have been revealed.

Even still,  HelixU4 points out that Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 is another in a long line of games that are cheap cash-ins on silly themes, now referred to as “troll games” or “junkware”…

“Here we go again. We just got served fap simulator and poop simulator, both pixelated. And now this… When is the crappy stream of games on greenlight going to end? I feel sorry for the developer. Imagine being proud of making this and present it to your father and mother in law when they ask what you do for a living and what game…”

Actually, according to the second promo video, Petrushkin’s mom doesn’t seem too bothered by it, so maybe the mother-in-law won’t mind it either?

Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 (Second Video)

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=603119297 Vote!/Голосуй за игру!

Number 6 feels the game has a right to exist, just not on Steam. People are concerned that all these low-quality titles will continue to devalue the library of Valve’s service. Number 6 writes…

“For fuck’s sake, put shit like this on Flash game sites where it belongs. Thanks for helping to make Steam the sea of piss it is today with hot garbage like this.”

I suppose if Petrushkin went about Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 like Stegersaurus Software’s Mount Your Friends – with quality schlong-swinging physics and different outfits and gimmicks to compliment the physics-based penis pendulums – then the game would likely end up getting Greenlit pretty quickly. But maybe with a few more modes, better graphics and increased playability, Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 could end up being the best fighting game of the year.

Now here’s a video from H20Delirious showing how a quality schlong simulator should be made and played.

Mount Your Friends Ep. 6 (Marvel’s Heroes Vs Villains!)

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7 thoughts on “Balls Kicking Simulator 2016 Has Some Greenlight Gamers Protesting Junkware

    1. They’ll likely try to spin it as “look, dudes are angry that there’s a game about kicking balls”. And they’ll try to compare to DOAX3 or some other game with boob physics.

      1. It would most definitely be their ‘excuse’ or ‘defense’, to play the ‘even up the score’ card. It’s what they’ve always done to excuse themselves from their blatant hypocrisy and double-standards.

        This is yet another case where they would fail once again if they were to ‘comeback-argue’ this with DOAX3 or even DOA5, because no-one is deliberately targeting, attacking or mutilating breasts in those games.

        Honestly, these people need to go and fuck themselves.

  1. Why not remake this gameshow into a game with GOOD GRAPHICS instead of
    the dime a dozen retro style garbage? Instead of tongue twisters you
    have to type long sentences flawless within a timelimit or your char gets slapped in the balls.

    Toss in some RPG elements like items and a level up system for your jewels and we have a goddamn winner if i do say so myself.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA4PxJkthOY

  2. LMAO! I give up on Steam Greenlight man. This is so dumb. I’m pretty sure this will get Greenlit just like What’s Under Your Blanket. XD

  3. Using the same logic applied to the punch Sarkeesian flash game, this Ball Kicking Simulator is clearly an offense to all women worldwide.

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