Living With Anxiety Disorder



When I was young, I tend to worry a lot. Worried of what will happen in the future. Worried of bad things that might happen. It’s been a difficult situation. But I have no idea why I have such thoughts. I thought it’s just normal of me so I just shrugged it off. But it has been a battle. It has gone minimal, however, I get anxious everyday.

I never knew of such situation until I was struck with such worries along with depression. It’s a difficult situation. People may laugh at you worries and for overthinking things. But they never knew what it’s like being in your shoes. I tried to search the internet until I finally learned about anxiety disorder. It exactly defines what I am going through. What’s more difficult is I also realized I have depression. It is not what I initially thought. Depression is not just sadness. It is a feeling when thick clouds came above you and you want go out of it. I also found out I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It is another difficult situation I realized I have.

They said it would help to write it in journal. I thought of blogging it in a site I am writing for, however, I don’t feel I am free enough to write what I am feeling there. It’s not that a huge earner as well.

That’s why I miss BlogJob. I can freely write anything here. I also miss my earnings here. I am struggling to reach a certain amount because I want to visit a psychologist. My situation is unnerving me and it makes me cry at times because of self-pity. I just want to feel better. I just want peace of mind. I deserve to live at ease. I hope things will be better for me.



My Thoughts: Having a Summer Fun With My Family

Having a Summer Fun With My Family
I am happy to be able to bond with my family again. Recently, I had written about having a dinner in a hotel’s restaurant which we rented an entire room with videoke. It is our first time to do that so it is a real good time to do it with them.

Last night, I had fun with them again. We had our night swimming and we never did it before. I went to Dagupan in the afternoon for our meeting in sign language. It took me several minutes to finally ride a bus since Presidential Debate is ongoing in the city. I am very tired as I got home and I feel lazy to go to the resort. But I have too since we rarely do that. I went with my brother and sisters and, yeah, it was fun. I never regret that I went. It’s always fun when you are with your family.

Then we are planning another summer adventure. My brother suggested that we shall go out for a hiking. I don’t think I am able to do it so I think I will pass for that. It is tiresome for me. I have asthma and I always reject whenever I was invited for a hiking. No decisions were made yet.

We already planned to go to Ilocos Sur this coming two weeks. I am hoping that it will push through. We are going to a resort and go to the beach for some amenities. It would be fun to be with family. I will be facing a very hectic week and I need to unwind after that. I am also planning a summer outing with some friends, but first we are going to watch Captain America. Hoping everything will be fun with these people I love.

My Thoughts: Adjustments I Have to Make

So there were a lot of changes here and I realized I shouldn’t view it as a wrong decision from the admin or not see it as unfair for me, though I initially felt it is. I made an examination on things and I need to modify and make advancement with the changes. With my old limits, I already focused on the site and writing a lot of blogs everyday. I make research with my blogs and I think they were SEO friendly. The reason is looking at my views, mostly were from Google search. It seems my blogs are ranking high in Google. So I think no changes with that, but focus on sharing my blogs in social media.

I also realize I need to do other works. With the decreased limits, I need to go back in some sites I left. I am thinking of going back to myLot since topics and discussions are not difficult to start there. I am also thinking of going back to Chatabout and do interact again. Even little by little, I think it is fine with me.

I also need to do other jobs as forum posting which I occasionally leave because of focusing on writing blogs. If I am not able to do them all, I would be doing transcribing in Transcribeme if time allows. Another thing is spending more time on Humanatic. Before I can earn 25-30 dollars a week there. But now I can only earn 10-15 dollars a week. I do hope I can do the stuff I need to do so I am able to catch up of the amount I will lose for the decrease of my daily points limit. I need to catch up because I am in need of money which I can use to buy my necessities and support my voluntary works.

My Thoughts: Changes of Points in BlogJob

Many of us already knew about this that BlogJob has decreased daily limits for everyone. I just found out this morning when a friend posted it on Facebook. If you have 150 daily limits, your limit will decrease to 100 points. If you have 250 points, it will decrease to 200. I am expecting that my point limits will decrease to 350 as I have 400 points limit. I checked the site and it is under maintenance mode so I went to incognito tab and there’s a forum post that says daily limits for everyone has gone down and updated.

When I tried to open my account, the site is back. Upon checking, my daily limit has decreased to 300! So it means 100 points was deducted from my daily limits! I admit, I feel it is upsetting. I can easily take it if only 50 points was deducted but 100 points is quite enormous for me and I think even for those who has higher limits. I couldn’t do anything about it but accept it.

Anyway, there are a lot of new changes top aside from daily limits. Turn to the rewards page. If you look at the project, you have to put on so much work to finish a project. With social networker, you need to have 1,000 referral visitors. Formerly, it was 250 then raised to 500. Now, you need 1,000 referral visotors. 100 points will be added to your daily limits. If you are going to do personal blogger, you need to have 2,500 monthly unique visitors and your limits will be added with 200 points. Formerly, you only need to have 1,000 monthly unique visitors and 250 points will be added.

So there are a lot of changes. A friend said that’s the cost of opening up for new members. But I gotta accept it for it was for thd site. I just have to make changes on everything

My Thoughts: My Nephew Still Know Sign Language Alphabets / Helping Yourself Too

My Nephew Still Know Sign Language Alphabets
I am a volunteer in sign language field and I am knowledgeable of the language. When my nephew was still two-year old, he loves watching ABC videos on YouTube, then he found out about sign language alphabets. He immediately learned it and at such age, he knows the sign language alphabet which even his parents doesn’t know. He looks so cute while signing the alphabets. I also helped him to improve his hand shapes. However, time passed by and his taste changes and his preferences has diverted to different stuff like art. Hi very good in drawing and now he is already four years old.
One day, I tried to test him if he is still familiar of the sign language alphabet. Upon signing letters, he still know them! While signing, he is speaking out what letter I am signing! He does even know how to read! I think I need to refresh his mind about that and someday, he will be good at sign language too.

Helping Yourself Too
I have a friend who always ask for help. It’s not an issue for me because I would love to help my friends. But there are some friends who only asks for help but do not do anything to help themselves. He always depend on others. He plans to something but he is just lazy to work on it. I told him about it and he only said “Yes”. However, he has no actions. I am so tired of him so if he tells his problem, I just listen and not bother to advise him.

I have another female friend who is like that. One time, she expressed her problems to us, her friends. We had the same advise towards, it means our suggestions would be a great help. However, she contradicted our suggestions. That’s why we lose our appetite to help her. We just suggest, but we are not expecting anymore from her to do our advise.

10 E’s on My Mind: Electric Fan to Evangeline Lilly

1. ELECTRIC FAN– Electric fan is very important nowadays because of hot weather. I can’t afford air conditioner so electric fan is enough for me. I bought one few months ago and it is working well.

2. ENGLISH– English is what we are using in writing our articles. I have to improve mine so I can write better than it was now. I don’t feel I am that very good.

3. ENTERTAINMENT TALKS– It is one of my blog site here on BlogJob. It was a quite a long time that I didn’t write there, but I am planning to post some stuff soon. I am still thinking of what to post in that site.

4. ELEMENTS OF FREEDOM– An album by Alicia Keys. I just played the album recently and I love the song “Doesn’t Mean Anything”.

5. ELECTION– Election is coming and the candidates are pushing so hard for them to win. Funny how the candidates are lambasting each other.

6. ED SHEERAN– I am a big fan of Ed Sheeran. It was quite a long time that I haven’t listened to his songs. I would be playing his two albums when I am about to sleep.

7. ELIMINATE STRESS– I am getting stressed that’s why I am taking ways to eliminate it. One way is to have a break or take a rest. I want to have a vacation at the beach. Not the beach in our place, but in other provinces.

8. EUROPE– I am dreaming of traveling the world. As I mentioned recently, I want to go to Denmark, which is in Europe. Hoping I am able to experience a European tour.

9. EMINEM– eminem was played on the radio, and that song was “Without Me” from the album “The Eminem Show”. Feels like early 2000’s.

10. EVANGELINE LILLY– I just saw her in the movie Ant-Man after watching on my tablet. Well, she acted very well in that film.

10 C’s on My Mind: Coldplay to Check up

Now I’m done with the A’s and B’s, it’s time to move on to the 10 C’s on my mind:

1. COLDPLAY– I am a big fan of Coldplay and I am playing the album this day. I had chosen their debut album “Parachutes”, and it still sounds fresh to me.

2. CAPTAIN AMERICA– The movie “Captain America: Civil War” is coming in theaters. I am very excited now to watch the film. I would be going to the cinema with my friends.

3. CAKE– I just saw cakes on TV and I am craving for it. I wonder why since I am not a cake lover. Perhaps, it’s been a long time since I ate a cake.

4. CASH– I need cash right now that’s why I am working so hard to earn money. I’ll be needing cash for my trip this coming days.

5. COMPLAINING– Yeah, I am complaining at our Internet Service Provider for the slow internet connection. I had always been complaining but they were not helping me exactly. That’s why I am planning to switch networks.

6. COMPUTER– I am in need of a new computer, something that works fast. Mine is slowing down, and the other keys weren’t functioning well.

7. CAMPAIGN– I am hearing a lot of campaigns outside. Those were election campaigns and candidates arr working very hard to win the elections. Honestly, they get too irritating.

8. CRAB STICKS– I am thinking of what to eat for the dinner. I saw a pack of crab sticks inside the freezer. Vegetable sald would be great with that.

9. CALL REVIEWING– I am working as call reviewer in Humanatic. I am aiming for an amount to achieve. I do hope I am able to succeed with that.

10. CHECK UP– I will be going for a check up as my sister-in-law who was a doctor comes in. I am still having those allergies, but it has improved after taking anti-histamine.

My Thoughts: Falsehoods in Social Media / Feeling Bad for My Student

Falsehoods in Social Media
There were a lot of things that are irritating in social media. Aside from the nonsense selfies and videos, there’s another thing which were irritating in such sites. Those were the falsehoods in social media, especially on Facebook.
There were a lot of hoax being spread on Facebook, sadly, people even believe them. Example, there were falsehood like Facebook imposing charges to be able to continue using the site. That was funny since the site will always be free. It was said that copying and pasting the message will not get you charged by Facebook. That was so funny since simply copying and pasting won’t even help and affect your page.
There were a lot of pictures too which defames people. Many people were easily deceived, that’s because they often believe what they see. When using the sites, everybody has responsibility. It’s our responsibility whatever we post, we also have responsibility to protecting ourselves from being deceived.

Feeling Bad for My Student
I feel bad whenever I visit my deaf student. She has diabetis and her foot already inflamed. But she was too hard-headed.  I often tell her to control what she eat, which she normally eats a lot. I told her to avoid drinking soda, but she still do. I told her to go to the doctor, but she doesn’t want to. It seems she is scared of the doctors.
Her mom always gets mad at her for being too hard-headed. She doesn’t even respect her mom. No matter how I preach at her, she is not improving. Her mom tried to bring her to the doctor but she refused and nags at them. I feel sorry for her not only of the disease, likewise her being hard-headed. But I still hope she gets well and she approves of being seen by the doctor for treatments and gets better and lengthen her life.

My Thoughts: Talking to the Elderlies / Do You Chase the Technology?

Talking to the Elderlies
I love talking to matured people, and those people whom I can rely on such were elderly people. Many young people today prefer to associate with people at their same age because they think they can relate to each other. But what they don’t realize is th gem of talking to elderly people.
I always talk to elderly people because they were the ones who can give sound advice. They had been through a lot of things and I can learn from their experiences and I can avoid things that’s needed to.
I had recently had a good conversation with an old lady. She is a friend of my parents so I am able to express things to her. She’s been able to advise and I love her advise. Sometimes, she tells a story about her experiences and I really love listening to them. I learned a lot of things like how to deal with people. They were quick to decided because they already know what may happen. My parents died early so I haven’t got to experience such conversation with them, which I am craving for.

Do You Chase the New Technology?
You still have a phone, a tablet, or computer. But there’s a new model came out which is too expensive. Of course, you have the desire to acquire such, and many does just like me. So what’s your resolution for yourself? Borrow money and buy a new one?
As for me, I don’t. I may have the desire to have one but I will not borrow money to buy such. If I still can use my gadget and still works well, it’s not practical for me to buy a new one. I am fine of what I am using and will not chase what technology offers. If it’s out of my capacity to buy, why should I? Technology is changing. After a few months or a year, new model comes out. I don’t have to chase it.
Do you guys chase what technology offers?

My Thoughts: I Don’t Drink Alcoholic Drinks / Mountains Gone Bald

I Don’t Drink Alcoholic Drinks
Looking back, my father is drinking beer before sleep. He tried to give me one just to try. I tasted it but I didn’t like the taste. But my father is not a drunkard. He just do that to be able to sleep well. Afterwards, he stopped drinking because maybe he doesn’t like the taste. My brothers do not drink too. One of my brother hates the taste as it cause him to vomit.
When I was invited by a friend on his party. They offered me a beer and I want to decline but I accepted so not to embarrass him. It is very cold and I found it taste good. When I tried the one which doesn’t have ice, it tastes so bad! I tried to drink in different occasions but I didn’t like the taste anymore. I don’t really drink. When my friends tried to invite me for a drink, I often decline as my system could not take it anymore.

Mountains Gone Bald
While I am traveling to a town, I saw the mountains that were almost vacated by trees and plants. It saddens me to see them as I am worrying that flash floods may occur if it will rain for days. People near the are admitted that the trees were being removed for a charcoal. Whole others cut it down for lumber. It is upsetting that greedy people earn from it. They can be blamed when a disaster happen like flash floods. I wonder what the government is doing. They should be doing something to moderate it. Re-forestation is good but if a lot has been cut down, it will still make the mountains look bald. They should act now before they will regret in the future and for the future generation to benefit from it.