Living Without Living

In this world, I want to live.

What I mean is, I want to live a full life. I want to be really happy and really sad. I want to experience disappointment. I want to be surprised. I want to really be in love, and I want to experience the many joys that motherhood has to offer. I want to feel proud of my accomplishments, and I want to learn what it means to sacrifice.

Basically, I want to live.

I am so scared that I will go through my life just living day to day without really experiencing things. What if I just live my life looking forward to something else. Or maybe I will just do enough to get by. What if I don’t savor the time I have with my children? I would regret that for the rest of my life.

And what if I don’t relish my relationship with my husband? He is one of the most important people in my whole world, and I want him to feel that way. I want to look back and think, “Wow. We had a really great marriage.”

There are so many people who talk about regret as they get older. They wish they would have taken more risks, tried more new things, and spent more time with their loved ones. Life is so short, so I try to learn from their mistakes.

Instead of living for the future, or dwelling on the past, I try my best to live as I am each day. I enjoy the phases my daughter goes through, both good and bad, and I try to be forgiving and patient for my husband because fighting over little things just isn’t worth it. I don’t want to waste any of my time on this earth.

Too many live day to day without really living at all. I’m determined to never be that way. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed that I can keep sight of the important things and not lose my way in this world.

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