What is God? Friend or Foe

June 17, 2014 by mikedee1080

God and I had a falling out years ago. I had this conviction that he took from my life the best person ever and I hated him for it. It changed me. For many years after that I’d call his wraith upon me, beg for it. “Prove your existence” I’d say, “Strike me down if you’re real”, I’d scream. To no avail and that strengthened my disbelief. My anger grew and my hate festered and I reached a point where the mention of God made my blood boil.

I knew God, before, I knew his Word and I knew his Will, and I understood it and praised it. I read his written word and listened to his sermon. I loved his Son, Mary, Joseph, the Disciples and all the saints as a good Catholic should. And I recognized God’s righteous wraith. But I never understood it. And I still don’t. Does he take away his most dedicated servants to be in heaven with him? For what? What will she do there that she couldn’t have done better here?

This rant has no happy ending, I still lack any feeling towards the Creator. I don’t deny his existence. Actually, the more I learn, the more apparent it is that some higher power created this reality, the possibility of life beginning is so minuscule that there had to have been an outside influence. What I do deny is his unconditional love for humanity. I won’t go so far as to say we’re pawns in a cosmic game of chess, because we’re less than that.  We’re ants to a sadistic, omnipotent child with a magnifying glass.

Religion / Spirtuality

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