I don’t know what has been going on with me lately. I have just felt so down and almost out of it. Maybe it is anxiety, depression or just an overwhelmed feeling from everything that I have been going through. It is hard to completely put my finger on it. All that I know is that some how, some way I need to shake this feeling.
I think that it is possible I have just been overwhelmed with not making enough money, with not being able to find a source of income to provide as much as I need. I think I have been feeling anxiety. And maybe because of that I try to spend time alone. It has come to the point that I have almost been entirely isolating myself at least in my personal life, and loneliness can worsen anxiety even more.
So I need to do something about it. I just hate the fact that I can’t afford to do anything, to really make myself presentable, at least in the way that I feel I should. And so I just stay at home and focus on what methods of making money at home that I know. These methods have the potential to make me enough to get by. Even to make much more then enough. But it takes a great deal of work to really get to that point. I spend all my time focused on that. And get frustrated because I am overworked and underpaid and just can’t seem to manage to get my life together.
It can be a lot to deal with. It isn’t like I have a very supportive family member or even friend to call for support or advice. I appreciate what I get. But the truth is, if I tried to share how I was feeling with my Mom she might say something friendly but full of doubt and wouldn’t be very helpful over all. My sister is so focused on her own life she doesn’t have much time to really help me in the way that I need.
I don’t know. At the end of the day, the truth is , I am lost. I need to figure everything out and deal with all the negative emotions and heal.