Being Used



Elliot’s marriage collapsed.

His wife had an affair he had not even imagined. He of it when she threw it in his face when he, the great Elliot, made one of his unilateral decisions.

Elliot had a large ego.

He had owned such a full life. He had done this, he had been there; he believed that there was nothing Elliot couldn’t do. He looked in a mirror and considered himself far beyond handsome.

His wife was his appendage. She was to be home with the children, anxious for his attention when he came in.

His wife, feeling neglected and insulted, had entered into an affair with Elliot’s boss. There was no chance of Elliot interrupting them. Boss set Elliot to work late, and pinched one of the secretaries to call him when Elliot left.

The secretary, who considered Elliot full of himself, assumed the boss wanted her to watch him to makes sure he really did the work and didn’t sneak out.

So, when the Great Elliot had it thrown in his face, he could’t take it. He ran away from home and went back to Mommy…
and he had to do something to show his wife he was all that.

Elliot had met a beautiful young woman, Tammy, with whom he’d never gone beyond smiles, politeness, thin friendship.

Elliot pursued Tammy, got her to fall in love with him, move in with him. He could stride around with her on his arm to prove that he still ‘had it’.

After a few months Elliot felt he’d made a point and wanted to move on. Every time he looked at Tammy he thought of his ex-wife. Tammy wasn’t his girl friend so much as she was to make his wife feel jealous.

Not needing his wife to feel jealous nor slighted, as he was no longer interested in her, what use was Tammy?

So he junks Tammy as if she’s a broken cell phone, and goes on with his life.

And Tammy is to wonder, what did she do wrong?

Shortly after, Elliot met Rita. Rita was the kind of woman that dressed and posed and acted as if she had a meter on her bed. To Elliot she was ‘hot’ and he posted numerous photos to his Facebook page.

This only hurt Tammy who had loved him. It was used by his wife as proof that he was not fit to raise their children.

And it was used by prospective employers to NOT hire him for a serious position.

As most men, Elliot didn’t consider the ‘why’ his wife had begun an affair and take the blame. Admit he had neglected her. Admit that he was so focused on his life, his likes, his desires, that he didn’t know if she was happy or sad, interested or bored.

As most men, Elliot saw no problem in using another women to make his wife ‘jealous’ and/or prove that he still ‘had it’. But when Tammy became real, as most men, he dumped her.

Dumped her for a woman which was one dimension, who had one use. And never realised what that said about him.



Whack Job Wanda & Her Bunga Boy

Wanda is one of those ridiculous people you want to exhibit. She isn’t just ludicrous in appearance, it is her constant bragging.

Wanda brags and makes these loud near hysterical blasts of self promotion. If she were not living with the most grungy Bunga Boy in creation, then maybe…just maybe something she says might…just might be given credance.

But there she is, bragging about her lofty status and there’s her Bunga Boy, picking his nose.

Now he’s not some stupid guy who ‘loves’ her, nor is he a useful jerk who can be entrusted to drive her about. He is dumb, unskilled, untalented, without the least redeeming quality.

So there is Wanda, babbling like a toilet with a broken flushometer, shouting when anyone dares to correct or contradict, and there’s her ‘husband’, the Bunga Boy.

At one point, she decided it is time to get rid of her Bunga Boy.

It was one of those long drawn out dramas, seasoned with moments of peculiar arguments about nothing much, critiques of what had been his standard style and his behaviour during the years she’d been linked with him.

Why now seems to suggest that she found another one. A bit more useful than this one and is deciding on replacement.

How Wanda got rid of her Bunga Boy, however, is an art.

She found faults, she nit picked, she annoyed him to bits, and she cut the purse string. All this over a period of about five months. Just a bit here, a bit there, staying in a permanent bad mood.

Now, she decides he has to leave.

He has a place to go, that was one of the arguments; spending money he didn’t have to fix up his mother’s house.

She rings up all she knows to make her announcements, finding flaws where they always existed but could not be mentioned.

This is her Third Bunga Boy in four years. She knows how to pick ’em and how to dispose of them.

When You No Longer Need a Man for Validation

When you think about it, the human species is the only one in which the females require full time male support.

Women have been taught they need a man.

They need a man to take them places. They need a man to be their husband. They need a man to father children, (and outside of that one, there is no reason to ‘need’).

Many women get into relationships in which the man ‘rules’ or is made to think he does.

When a woman doesn’t have a man, she goes looking as if without a male by her side she can’t function.

For some women it takes late middle age for them to realise that they don’t and never did ‘need’ a man. That they were always perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

For some women, it becomes a kind of anti; they do not want a man to destroy their lives. They are quite happy on their own, and do not want to share.

It is not a case of want or like or choice; it is the mental construct of ‘need’ as if without a man a woman does not exist.

Once that fallacy is dispelled, a woman looks around and wonders if she will ever link her life with anothers. Yes, a casual friend, yes, an occasional partner, yes, a father for her children, but a ‘help meet’ or partner, a room mate or husband? Probably not.

At that point a sense of power, completeness and independence arrives. At that point relationships change. One’s girl friends are just as important as boy friends, and are expected to supply the same loyalty, interest and assistance.

No longer does she cancel the movie with the girl friend because some man has asked her to dinner. No longer is she more interested in what he has to say than what others do.

That is when she no longer sees herself as an appendage.

The Dangers of a Bunga Boy

Women who buy Bunga Boys never factor the danger into the ‘purchase’.

A woman sees a stupid guy who can’t feed himself, and figures he’ll be everlasting grateful to have a warm place to sleep. The woman thinks she has control.

It is her house, her food, her money. She buys him what she wants him to have, or denies him his desire.

She takes him on vacation or to a show, and without her, he’d be sitting on the roadside. She thinks.

Stepping back one sees a woman past her prime, in her fifties or so, along with a guy in his stride.

One sees a not unattractive male along with a not attractive female.

Does he like her?
Does he feel anything for her?
Or is it for him, cash and carry?

Many Bunga Boys start stealing early. A little here, a little there. They get her Debit card and visit the ATM when they can.

As most have a kind of rat sense, they know how to get money and walk away. They don’t buy themselves anything fancy that she could ask about. They just have money in their pocket to use to buy things; maybe give it to another girl.

The point is not to get caught. At least not, right away.

Many ‘purchasers’ of Bunga Boys don’t realise the stealing, not at first. Or, they take precautions at first.

Bunga Boys watch…if she counts her money carefully each night before she puts it into her safe place, and each morning when she wakes up, he can’t touch it. If he doesn’t know how much money she has in her wallet, then he’s taking some of it.

If the Bunga Boy is alert to her precautions he avoids ‘activating’ her security system, until such time it is turned off. Then he makes a short raid, to see.

If she realises it, one thing. If she doesn’t, he will continue until the day he is caught or replaced by another Bunga Boy.

Some Bunga Boys owned by rich women take thousands of dollars before the end of their ‘contract’. Some aren’t exposed for years because the ‘Owner’ doesn’t make a check of the account.

And, of course, some Bunga Boys have friends who will know how to get in and out with the loot.

The Worst Wedding Actually Gets Worse

The purpose of a wedding is the Wedding Ceremony.

This seemed to be lost on the Bride. To her, weddings were dresses, photographs, and food.

Having lost her time ‘space’ due to the fact her father had not yet arrived at the hotel, she had to hang around in her wedding gown, waiting and waiting until he did.

For Daddy boy, it was no rush. He never particularly cared for the Bride, although she was proving useful for hand outs.

When Daddy finally arrived, Bride had to grab a marriage officer, any marriage officer. This one was on his way to another venue.

The cremony goes by, virtually unheard, as the Marriage officer was tired, (this was his third wedding of the day) the microphone wasn’t working, (not plugged in) and he didn’t have an extra second to waste on people he didn’t know.

After the brief ceremony, the Bride & Groom continued taking pictures. The guests were ignoring each other, as they didn’t know each other, or want to.

The food at the Tex-Mex was so bad, the mother of the bride had two therapuetic pukes in the men’s room as someone was already puking in the ladies room.

Two hours later, when the taking of pictures was done, the guests have moved away, the Bride and Groom show up, briefly.

Their arrival was brief because they were slapped with an enormous bill for the thousand pictures they took as only fifty were covered in the package.

The Bride abandons her remaining guests along with the Groom’s mother to find money to pay for the photographs. The Groom and his Father sat drinking in the Bar.

The Bride’s mother, feeling better after her pukes and the coffee, meet at the Bar, and introduce themselves.

By this time everyone else had gone.

There were no guests to congratulate the bride and groom, there were no happy moments with the guests.

When the Bride and her new Mother in Law finally returned to the venue it was all someone else’s celebration.

The Bride’s mother had a smug look on her face, but said nothing. This annoyed the Bride even more. As harsh words are about to be said, the Bride’s mother departed.

The Bride and Groom are sitting in the Bar with his parents, wondering what happened.

The Worst Wedding..gets worse

For some reason, the Bride never factored her mother into any of her plans. It was as if she hated her mother. There was no reason for her emotion, her mother had always looked after her, (her father was worthless but she loved him in defiance).

Since The Bride had excluded her mother from planning and constantly told her “I want my wedding the way I want my wedding!” that worthly fell silent.

This was after her last bleat, the one in which she said if her mother didn’t like her idea, she didn’t have to come.

So this is where it begins;

The day was set, the guest begin travelling to the Hotel. This took the better part of the day, as everyone in Jamaica that she knew was on the South Coast, and the guests who flew in would land on the far West when the Hotel was in the East.

So the Wedding, which had been set for 1 pm had to be bumped. It was removed from the beach gazebo, to the Court yard, as the next wedding was set had to begin in thirty minutes.

The best restaurant had been booked for the four o’clock, and although it had been suggested that she could use it from 1:30 to 3:30; once the wedding fell off the 1:00, that was closed.

The second best restaurant went to the group which took the one o’clock spot.

The only eatery available was the Tex-Mex fast food joint on the terrace.

As those, who, like her mother, know about the conveyor belt weddings, nothing about the shoddiness surprised.

Weddings had to start on time. The 9 am had to start and stop bang on 9:20 so that the guests would be moving away. This allowed the same area prepared for the 9:30 function.

This is how it goes all day where there are weddings at All Inclusives.

Those, who, as her mother, know All Inclusives have one good restaurant, one semi-decent, and fast food joints, would have been able to advise the bride to make sure she matched her wedding to the availability of the better restaurant.

But alas; The Bride wasn’t speaking to her mother or to anyone who knew about these conveyor belt weddings which are less poignant that going to a registrar’s office.

The Worst Wedding…begins

Having decided she was going to have a better wedding than her half-brother, she chose at an All Inclusive in Jamaica; just as he had.

She had not attended her brother’s wedding. He had made it seem far more fabulous than it was, just to spite her.

She, being stupid, set her brain on the path to All Inclusive in Jamaica.
Any question, suggestion, advice offered to her by others was slapped away with anger, and she brayed; “I Want My Wedding The Way I want My Wedding!!!!”

The Wrong Day/The Wrong Time/The Wrong Place

By the time she was ready to marry, her half brother already had a child. Since she needed to show her half brother that her wedding would outshine his, she had to invite him.

This meant she had to set it at an All Inclusive which accepted children.

Her brother, annoyed she hadn’t come to his wedding, despite to spite her. He waited until the place, date and time were set so as to decline to attend. He claimed he didn’t have the money.

This meant she was stuck at an All-Inclusive Family Hotel which is no where one wants to be. More expensive, more frivolous, and a waste of time for adults.

The Next thing she didn’t factor in was that her husband, not being a Jamaican, would have to be in the country for 24 hours before he could get married.

This meant a last minute change from Saturday to Sunday.

Airlines don’t like the juggling, so a number of people she had invited were not able to attend.

One might have thought she would have done her ‘due diligence’ before making the arrangements and paying for this wedding. But, being stupid she didn’t.

Sure, if she wasn’t stupid she would have checked everything first. She would have asked questions. But, she didn’t trouble what was considered her mind with anything beyond how pretty she planned to look.

The Worst Wedding– Prologue

I am not discussing those weddings where something beyond the control of the parties happens.

Nor those accidents of place, time, people.

I am writing about a wedding which went exactly the way the Bride demanded it to go. This proves that not everyone has the brains they are born with.

There seeems to be alot of brain slippage in which the grey matter travels down the spine and becomes lodged in the nether region.

I don’t need to ’embroider’ the facts, this is really what happened.

I Want My Wedding the Way I want My Wedding

The speaker is a spoiled brat who was once a beautiful model. She became involved with a chap, gained weight, so she’s not so beautiful anymore, and her voice is more a squawk than a purr.

Her older half brother, had a very small well contained wedding at an All-Inclusive resort on the North Coast of Jamaica. He and his bride were both of Jamaican descent although they all resided in America.

As his parents and her parents were divorced, living in diverse states and cities, it seemed sensible to meet on neutral soil.

He had five guests, his wife had five guests, and they all got along wonderfully.

It was a small wedding, the last of the day, and although held at an all-Inclusive it was at a time when it was pretty much deserted.

She did not attend her older brother’s wedding; something about money, about work, about whatever excuse fell out of her mouth.

He, rubbing her nose into the fact that she had missed his wedding made it sound like a mixture of Disney World and Cupid’s playground.

And she, who never was particularly bright decided that she would do the same thing. She, who could not afford to attend her brother’s wedding would have her’s at an all inclusive in Jamaica, although her husband was not Jamaican.

Protecting Yourself from Dating Married Men – 2

Who is He?

If you don’t know much about this man, except what you’ve gleaned from a casual conversation, you don’t know his relationships.

He could be in the bar because he had a fight with his wife, or she’s out of town.
He could be a guy who has meaningless hook-ups with any female who opens her legs.

Or he could be a serial killer looking for victims who won’t be missed.

You don’t know.

Going out with someone you don’t know is not particularly wise, unless it is a very casual encounter at a very neutral place; i.e. for coffee after work, or taking in
a day sporting event.

Before you put yourself into a compromising position and engage emotions, know
Who you are getting involved with.

This is not difficult.

If he says he lives at 124 Green Street, take a casual pass of that local. You might see kids toys in the yard.

Or there may be no 124 Green Street, or the house may be occupied by people who don’t look at all like him, and don’t know him.

BTW….if you have no idea where he lives why are you putting yourself at risk with a stranger who could be a serial killer?

Do you have his full name? Is the relationship so ad hoc you never know when you will see him or he will call?

Is he your boyfriend? Can you introduce him to people, or is he Man of Mystery?

If you know nothing about him at the least he might be married, at the most, wanted by the F.B.I.

When he contacts you is a clear give away. Calling you at 7 PM to pick you up at 8 or 9 suggests that he either didn’t know he’d be able to ‘get away’ that night or has been turned down by the others he called, and has finally reached your name on the list.

Sure it’s a real ego compressor to think that he rang up Keisha and she said no, he went to Lisa and she refused…by 7 pm he reached your name on his list…
but it may very well be fact.

Maybe teen aged boys are impulsive and will call a girl Friday evening for that
evening, but a grown man can’t be so spontaneous unless you’re engaged to him.

This man you barely know, (or barely know in a ‘boyfriend’ category) calls you at the last minute and you say yes?

Not only do you reveal how desperate you are, but that you’re no one he needs to respect.

How To Protect Yourself

How To Avoid Dating Married Men?

Do your investigations.

Don’t get involved with someone you don’t know. Yes, you may have worked with him for two years but never really spoke, so you DON’T know him.

You may know he uses Linux, you may know he likes Star Trek, but you don’t know if he lives with his mother, a wife and five kids, or a cat.

A casual date in a public place where there’s a lot of discussion as a ‘get to know’
is one thing. Satisfy yourself that this man is single and available. (Some men are not married, but living with or in love with someone else).

If he plays ‘Man of Mystery’, it is likely that he’s with someone he is cheating on. Let him find someone else, Not You, to cheat with.

If he passes this first test or if the encounter is so casual that it isn’t really a date, the next time you are with him MUST be at a popular place where you will be seen with him.

If he refuses, it is a red flag that he doesn’t want to be seen with you.
If he doesn’t want to be seen with you then why are you with him?

The events surrounding the date must be examined.

Does he pick you up at your door so the whole world can see or is it that you have to seem to ‘run into him’ somewhere else?

Does he drop you off at your door, or dump you on a corner?

If you like to be treated as trash, well, I suppose his behaviour wouldn’t be much of a problem. If you think you deserve to be brought to your door, then you don’t date someone who can’t make sure you get home safely.

Look for the Red Flags.

Some men will, when you pressure them, Agree to take you to Centrestage, then back out at the last minute …some crap about having to work late.

That is because he never intended to take you to Centrestage, he just told you that to shut you up.

Some men will lie and never stop. Don’t concern yourself with anything save the fact that if he is dating you the whole world must know he is dating you.

If he has to keep your relationship secret; whom is it he is keeping it secret from?
His cat?
His landlord?
The guy who sells newspapers on the corner?
Or his W I F E.

Yes, there are the rare incidents, a la Grey’s Anatomy where everything pointed to McDreamy being single, so Meredith can not be condemned for dealing with a
married man…not until his Wife shows up.

But that’s television.

In real life, most women don’t test the Who, What, Where, When, Why and How, so find themselves humiliated in public.