Category Archives: Happy moments

Teaching My Children

Teaching My Children

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I was asked not that long ago what it is I wanted to teach my children. Well, that is a very loaded question. So I am going to take a minute here and explain what I want to teach my children.

About family: First and foremost, that no one will ever love them as much as I do. No one will ever be as supportive as those who love you. Family is not always blood either. Some family members are just kind of gained. They could be related by blood, marriage or just friends who care enough about them to be considered family. Family is and always will be the center of your world as long as I have anything to do with it.

About siblings: at 2 and 4 I am pretty sure these sweet little moments won’t last. Those moments when she wants her bubby and he wants his sissy are going to fade into “I hate him” and “She’s annoying”. But although they have an older brother and an older sister, they are 11 and 12 years older than these two. By the time that they are going to truly need that connection with them (they don’t see them now) those two will be married and probably having children of their own. So as much as it pains me to say it, they really only have that connection with each other. A brother and sister bond that I am sure will be as deep as it is important. But I need them to know that when life gets the hardest, when you have siblings, you have someone to help you. A love that is never ending.

About education: At 36 I am finally back in school to get my degree. Do not get me wrong I wouldn’t change having them for anything, but I wish I was more financially stable, to provide only the best that life has to offer. So on this topic, all I can really tell them is to take what you feel is in your heart and run with it. Use your life experiences for the greater good of others. Do not ever stop. Never and I mean NEVER give up.

About relationships: I am probably not the best person to talk about this, but I will sure try. No relationship is perfect. But when you truly love someone, and I don’t care if it’s a man or woman for either of you, just love with all you have inside of you. A relationship isn’t 50/50 it’s 100% of both. If you both aren’t giving your relationship all you have then don’t be in it. If you can look at that person from across the table and see yourself with them in 50 years, and smile, then don’t let that go. Basically, love with everything you have inside of you. But do not ever question that little intuition you feel, if it’s telling you something isn’t right, then listen to it.

About life: Wow, this is a rough one. But at the same time that it’s rough, it’s easy. Please don’t ever forget that you are never, ever completely alone. There is always someone that will care. Do not ever turn a blind eye to someone else’s pain. They may simply just need a smile from you. Listen with an open heart and most of all an open mind. Take a moment each day to find something positive. It is not supposed to be easy, but if it is awesome. All I want for the both of you is just be happy. Live every moment of this life like you’ll never get another. Take a deep breath, and just when you think your fear is going to overwhelm you, leap. Don’t take the people you love or that love you for grated, because at that instant they could be taken from you. So even though it seems a bit trite and silly all I am really trying to say is this: Live life to the fullest, Love with all you have, and Laugh as much as you can.

Moving Forward with Grace

Moving Forward with Grace

 

I’ve been asked several times over the past 2 years how I’ve managed to move forward with my life. My answers range in so many different ways. But I would say I am moving forward with grace.

                First, to make sure everyone understands what I mean by that. To move forward with grace, to me anyway, means to not leave destruction in my path. Also, to only share my story with people who deserve to hear it or those who need to hear it. To not blame anyone but him, and myself (just a little) for the abuse. To know that I bent a little but didn’t break. To know that not every person is going to hurt you and to use what has happened for the greater purpose.

                Second, I don’t really have a choice but to move forward. I have these two little beautiful people that are watching my every single move. I can’t treat life with hate or show them the pain I feel. What they need to see is a mother who is doing the absolute best she can, and a mother that loves them more than anything else in the world. They need to watch me be strong and resilient. My children, as young as they are, only need to know that the world is good and that the people that mommy allows near them love them.

                Third, I have so many amazing people in my life, that all I want is to make them proud of me. My family is pretty awesome and supportive in all of the things I continue to do since leaving the abuse. I honestly don’t know where I would be in my life if not for them. Then I have these amazing people that I call friends. They have gotten me through some really rough times. A few have taught me things about myself that I didn’t know. I never in my life thought I would care so much about people that do not share my blood. But blood doesn’t make family. Then there is a couple people that are from his family that have held true to actually caring about me and my children and not hated me because I chose to leave a dangerous and toxic marriage. ***Side note I love all of you***

                And last but not least, I have a passion to help people like myself. All that I have been through, has given me this passion that I don’t know if I would have otherwise. I want to be able to share my story with others, so that they can see it is possible to leave. It is possible to do all of the things they once told you was unattainable. I want someone to know they are not alone even if they feel like they are. A simple shoulder to cry on, a simple kind word, and a simple smile can completely change how someone feels.

The Good with the Bad

Good with the Bad

 

I love to take a few moments each day to pick out something good to go with the bad things. After living in a domestic violence ridden relationship, you learn to take the good with the bad. It is a very much needed coping mechanism used by many in domestic violence situations. You try very hard to make the good overshadow the bad. My situation was that of mostly verbal and emotional abuse, so I would use the happy times, children being conceived in honeymoon phases, the evenings where we’d go out and have fun, and the smallest of victories. Sometimes it is what is needed to survive day to day in these kinds of situations.

So I am going to give you some examples of what I mean for after you succeed in distancing yourself from the abuse. Like yesterday my son was acting up a bit. So the good to go with the bad I chose for that is pretty simple, I have this little boy that learns something new every single day and gets so excited to share it with me, no one else but me.

 

Another instance where this is so true, is the fact my children’s father and my abuser, is in prison. Probably for a very long time. He will have no say in my children’s upbringing. He will not even see them before they turn into snappy bratty teenagers. But I have to find the good with the bad on this. The bad thing is they need a father. Unfortunately, he will miss that opportunity. The good that goes with this is pretty deep actually. My son will learn from his uncles how to properly treat a woman. That no woman deserves to made to feel like I was made to feel. That a man should respect a woman and should get the same respect in return. My daughter will be taught by me, that a woman is to be treated with respect and love and a man is to be treated the same way.

 

To learn the difference between putting the good with the bad versus seeing the good in the bad is a fine line. To put the good with the bad you have to first recognize the bad, then find something that opposes the negative. To see the good in the bad is to find something positive inside of the negative. I myself prefer to put the good with the bad. There is no denial in that.

Sunshine in darkness……..

Yesterday……… I walked outside. I felt the cool mist flying around in the somewhat warm air, hoping it wouldn’t mess up the freshly done make-up or newly straightened hair. While it didn’t mess up my make-up it did cause just a touch of frizz in my hair. But I couldn’t help but smile just a little. Right before I stepped outside, I remember hearing the weatherman say we could possibly see just peek or two of sunshine today.

So a small glimpse into the smile. I looked down to left of me and holding my hand was this little gorgeous blue eyed boy, laughing hysterically. Apparently the mist on his face was quite the laughing matter. You see he was not expected a while ago. Before I had him, I had two miscarriages and had pretty much given up the thought of ever having a child…….. let alone two. So here was this handsome little blonde boy laughing and holding my hand. Then I look down (way down) to my right hand and here is this little hazel eyed beauty laughing so hard because apparently her brother is really really funny. This light brown haired girl, who I wasn’t supposed to have, considering the doctor told me my chances of conceiving again let alone carrying and successfully delivering would be .001%, basically a miracle. And yet here I was with both these little miracles holding tightly to my hands. Laughing as if the world was never going to hurt them. Right at that moment nothing else mattered to me but hearing that laughter.

So in that moment when the weatherman stated a peek or two of sunshine could be seen, I realized I have to living beems of sunshine. No matter what storms I have faced, or the storms that the future inevitably holds, I will have some sunshine. And these two little peeks of sunshine call me “Mommy”