So just yesterday I agreed to be a speaker at an event being put on by my school in April for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I have written a speech and would love to share it with you ~Fayeth~
Well first I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Marcy. I am a student here at Gateway in the Criminal Justice program. My ultimate goal with my degree is to be a victim’s advocate. I am also a single mom to two absolutely amazing children.
So I guess you’d probably like to know why or how it is that I’m standing in front of you today. Well on September 24, 2012 my now ex-husband and I were arguing about the fact that due to pregnancy complications I wasn’t able to have sex with him. To him the doctors didn’t know what they were talking about, so we fought about it. Well that day he decided he wanted to have sex and didn’t care if I said no. He slammed me by my head into the wall in the hallway and after collapsing on the floor he grabbed me by my throat and took me into our bedroom and physically forced me to have sex with him. I felt dirty, so empty, so alone……..This person that was supposed to love me was raping me. I never thought I would be “one of those women”
I knew deep down I should’ve called the police that day, but honestly I wasn’t sure if they’d believe me. It is hard enough to prove sexual assault, let alone being married to the person who committed the rape. According to RAINN.org, Marital rape is defined as Marital rape occurs when your spouse forces you to take part in certain sex acts without your consent. It is a form of intimate partner violence, i.e., an abuse of power by which one spouse attempts to establish dominance and control over the other.
You see it wasn’t even illegal for a spouse to rape until the late 1970s. And not in all states until 1993. So you see because he had never put his on me before that day, it was hard for me to really know that he had raped me. But that instant when I screamed “NO!” and “GET OFF OF ME!” I knew I was forever changed. He was gone from my home the next day and is now sitting in a prison cell for raping another woman. Do I feel guilty for not prosecuting him? Yes sometimes. But as a married couple, I handled things in the best possible way for the long term of mine and my children’s lives. He sits in prison until at the minimum 2023, by then my children will be 12 and 14, now that is the earliest he can be released. If he is released at that time he will be on parole which means he will be required by law to stay in the state of Minnesota for ten years following which means zero access to my children until they are 22 and 24.
With him in prison, and me slowly getting my life together, meeting amazing people here at Gateway that really genuinely care, and finally focusing on getting the help that I truly needed, my world is slowly turning from victim of domestic violence and marital rape, to a survivor of both. I am proud to say that because it has given me my passion to help others like myself, it has given me the strength to be the woman that stands before you, a survivor or as a few of my friends have deemed me, A WARRIOR!!!!!!!!