Good with the Bad
I love to take a few moments each day to pick out something good to go with the bad things. After living in a domestic violence ridden relationship, you learn to take the good with the bad. It is a very much needed coping mechanism used by many in domestic violence situations. You try very hard to make the good overshadow the bad. My situation was that of mostly verbal and emotional abuse, so I would use the happy times, children being conceived in honeymoon phases, the evenings where we’d go out and have fun, and the smallest of victories. Sometimes it is what is needed to survive day to day in these kinds of situations.
So I am going to give you some examples of what I mean for after you succeed in distancing yourself from the abuse. Like yesterday my son was acting up a bit. So the good to go with the bad I chose for that is pretty simple, I have this little boy that learns something new every single day and gets so excited to share it with me, no one else but me.
Another instance where this is so true, is the fact my children’s father and my abuser, is in prison. Probably for a very long time. He will have no say in my children’s upbringing. He will not even see them before they turn into snappy bratty teenagers. But I have to find the good with the bad on this. The bad thing is they need a father. Unfortunately, he will miss that opportunity. The good that goes with this is pretty deep actually. My son will learn from his uncles how to properly treat a woman. That no woman deserves to made to feel like I was made to feel. That a man should respect a woman and should get the same respect in return. My daughter will be taught by me, that a woman is to be treated with respect and love and a man is to be treated the same way.
To learn the difference between putting the good with the bad versus seeing the good in the bad is a fine line. To put the good with the bad you have to first recognize the bad, then find something that opposes the negative. To see the good in the bad is to find something positive inside of the negative. I myself prefer to put the good with the bad. There is no denial in that.