Trust…This five letter word looks very simple but it has a great depth in it. It is easy to expect someone else to trust you but hard to trust others without prior experience.
Few days back an incident happened with me. I want to share that with you all. On my facebook profile there are many friends of mine are those whom I never met in person. They are my online friends and I met them on different earning sites.
Since last two years I meet them almost every day online either one or on another site. Gradually they became part of my life and I like to meet or talk to them online. I talk about them with my offline friends.
Since earning sites comes and goes, I started adding my online friends on my facebook account, so that I could keep in touch with them. Initially I started doing this just to remain in touch with my online friends but it also helped me find some new earning ways.
One of my online friends introduced me to a new online earning stream. That could be not new to some of you. It appealed me so I joined that business.
But to start working there I have to add some funds through accepted payment processors. Most popular payment processor I observed among users of that site is Perfect Money. But the problem is I do not know to add funds on PM(Perfect Money) account.
When I asked my online friend about it he said I have to purchase PM money from someone else of my country and in exchange transfer Indian rupees to his bank account. But when I said him to give PM of value $50 in my PM account he said first you transfer equivalent money in my bank account then I’ll transfer. In fact he said he will give $2 extra, that sound suspicious so I asked the reason he said to do such kind of act give him happiness. I am new to this kind of online business and do not want to get scammed so dropped idea of exchanging PM money from that friend.
Moral of the story “He easily asked me to trust him but when I expected same from him he started making excuses”.
Many people believe that life is a mystery and everyone has their own story behind their believe. I have my own. Since childhood I encountered many strange situations and events. Still I do not understand reason behind those situations and events. As a sensitive person I always wanted to be cared and loved. But when anybody loved and cared me I ignored him and when I wanted to be cared from someone specific I got disappointed.
Life never remained easy to me. There was lots of struggles at every walk and still I am struggling on many fronts. Sometimes it feels I am not made for this world. I feel defeated from life. It seems I do not possess qualities required to live a successful life. I see many people who are living happily have peculiar qualities and behavior that consciously I wouldn’t like to see in me. But I feel those peculiar qualities and behavior help them to use people around them that I found ridiculous.
If people do not like you for being yourself then how you could be happy to show them yourself nice by manipulating everything. But some did this almost life long to control influential people around them who are having money or power. These days it looks like money is everything. If you have unfathomable money people start treating you like you are nicest, wisest and greatest person of this world.
Though I meet wonderful persons throughout in my life even then I do not know why often my life stuck among most insensitive, manipulative persons. Is it the way of God to punish me for whatever I did wrong knowingly or unknowingly in this or past life? Are you surprised what I am talking about? You read right I believe in past life and karma.
Don’t get surprise, everything has two aspects in life. It is your point of view and mindset that decides which side to see. I have a problem since I was in high school. I forget things, people, events easily or remember partially but the problem was not very severe so nobody in my family took it seriously and never consulted any doctor.
Initially I had very good memory and I was a quick learner. Anything I read once or twice and that got printed in my memory. But do not know what happened, when I was in my high school I realized that I start forgetting things, people or their name and events partially unlike earlier.
It was annoying to me. I try to remember but can’t recall everything about a person whom I met after a long time. If I met a person then either I forget his name or how do I know him? Anybody who has bad memory could understand how I was feeling at that time. But I can’t helped it. This problem started affecting my academic performance in later years. I was sad and once even thought to leave my study after high school but to over come this problem I worked hard. My father helped me and motivated to continue my study. That worked and I completed my masters degree in computer applications.
My life aren’t a smooth ride. I struggled a lot and still struggling on many aspects of life. I encountered many people with dual nature and behavior. They tried to harm me in many ways but I keep myself calm and composed because I forget their behavior with time. Once forgetting things and events annoyed me a lot but later in life at some point it helped me to survive.
Imagine if my memory remained like earlier and I remembered everything. What could happen with me? I am sure it it not only true for me, many of this world could related themselves too.
I felt it many times that it is difficult to manage my anger. I want to control or minimize level of my anger in some particular situations but failed sometimes. I do not know what makes me so angry in some situations. Being a woman I like to be humble and well behaved.And I lived my life decently in a peaceful environment. But life gone through some changes seven years back. Since then I had faced many kind of mental, emotional torture.
I trusted a dishonest person and paid for it. I not only lost my self confidence but also start thinking about killing myself. But God’s planning was different and one by one met two angels in my life. Both angels start changing my life slowly. I was suffocating in a bad environment since last seven years and no one was there to help me out. These angels gave me courage to pull out of this situation.
I have started recovering from that trauma but still face difficulty in managing my anger. I do not harm anyone but I shout loud and cry a lot that exhaust me badly. I am committed to control my anger but when I try to control it I face headache. Some people around me worsen the situation. They know many things I gone through even then they hurt me with sarcasm. I can’t change all the world who like to gossip about bad things or events, so let them do it.
I am planning to take meditation sessions to make myself like before seven years I was, calm, cool, happy, enthusiastic person. I know it is not easy but my two angels give me a lot of strength and love to do this. And I want to live, to love and to be loved.
If you are too facing problem problem in managing your anger look around you there could be your angel who will give support to see positive things in life and will help you to leave negative things.
Being a woman I know women face many challenges on every walk of life. It is not at all easy to be a women. I read a post of one of my online friend in which she did a comparison of situation of women in her country(U.S.) and other countries. At some point she is right but it is not a complete picture of any country or society dear friend. She said in some countries women are treated like a good for nothing and in her country if women is treated badly they call the cops but you know that crime against women is still not stopped in any country. Crime rate against women is less or more exist in all countries.
If you go through women life you will realize either women are from developed countries or from a developing countries we not only managing our home, kids, relatives, finances but also do compromises for balancing everything in life. As compared to women men live their life with more freedom and less boundaries.
I feel it is tough to be a women doesn’t mean I don’t like to be a women, I am proud to be a woman. But I want to say that why this kind of imbalance between men and women’s life. Why not both are treated equally by the society, why not both compromise equally to balance the life, why not both share equal responsibilities to raise the kids, why not men are expected to make a good relationship with their in-laws?
Many questions arise in my mind sometimes. I know some of you are feeling like me but not all. Because it is not a universal truth, some men are really does all the things that a women do for their kids, family, spouse. One of my online friend from Pakistan is doing job in a school and his wife is working in a bank mentioned many times in his posts that he co operates his wife in household cores and supports every walk of life. I really find him a gentleman. I wish all the men could be like this.