When you make mistakes

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    • #54580

      rextrulove
      Moderator

      How do you act or react when you make mistakes and someone points them out, nicely? Do you get defensive and angry, as if it was a personal attack, or do you take it in stride and try not to make the same mistake again?

      I ask because I’ve known a number of people who have either not been able to admit that they made an error in the first place (as if it must have been someone else’s fault) or who take it as a personal attack, even when it’s not, when someone shows them that they made a mistake and explains how to correct it.

      Personally, I just try not to make the same mistake again and I usually confess when I do make errors. I’ve been on both the receiving and giving ends and it always saddens me when someone over-reacts. I have a daughter who is bi-polar so I’m well acquainted with the other sort of behavior, so I choose not to be that way. What about you?

    • #54589

      TAlberts
      Participant

      It really depends how the person said or pointed it out. If it is said nicely, I will say thank you for pointing that out and try not to commit the same mistake again.

      • #82590

        Most of the time I am happy that they pointed out my mistake but if the person is rude about it then of course I am not happy about it.

    • #54618

      Jessica
      Participant

      I could handle it better. I try not to get defensive per se, but I end up defending my decisions leading up to making the mistake because I do take it personal and I don’t like feeling like I’ve failed in some way. I wish I could be more tactful about it, such as responding with “Thank you for the information.” That isn’t a bad way to handle it because then I’m not necessarily agreeing with the person but I’m not drawing things out either.

    • #54619

      blueberry
      Participant

      For me it depends. But I am really open for corrections, always. But there are people who are trying to correct you for your mistakes but with an agenda like something to embarrassed you.

    • #54656

      cgalavia
      Participant

      I used to admit my mistakes pointed out or not by aperson and I am willing to correct it and not to do it again.

    • #54681

      pramalkumarsamanta
      Participant

      When I make mistake, i admit it and correct it accordingly. I regret it when it is detected that I have made mistakes in writing.

    • #54839

      angie10
      Participant

      I welcome constructive criticism, but don’t like it when it feels like it’s a personal attack. Because, let’s face it, some people do make it seem like it’s an attempt to humiliate and make you feel small. That happens often in my office where they’ll shout out something or other for all and sundry to hear. Stuff like ‘what rubbish is this’ is fairly common. Although to be fair, they know not to pull that particular stunt with me 🙂 But overall, I like to be corrected and shown the light, following the right channels.

      • #54884

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        I once worked for a man who was a master of the right way to correct his employees. He’d find good and praise them for it, then correct in such a way that everyone wanted to make it better. For instance, he’d say, “You did that well and I especially liked …. , but you might try …”.

      • #54930

        kimdalessandro
        Participant

        @rextrulove – That man used tact to convey his message. He was a true leader. 🙂

      • #54941

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        I totally agree, @kimdalessandro. He was an inspiration and I’m just sorry that he didn’t teach managers and supervisors the proper way to guide employees.

      • #56202

        angie10
        Participant

        @rextrulove….that’s the mark of a true leader! You were truly blessed to work with him. Sadly, we don’t see many of those around 🙁

      • #54885

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        I should say that I’ve been a manager a number of times, but that man I spoke of taught me the difference between a manager and a “boss”. I don’t ever want to be a boss, but I rather enjoy being a manager. 😀

    • #54883

      JoDee
      Participant

      Depends on if I actually made a mistake! lol I know I’m NOT perfect so I accept that I make mistakes!

      • #73053

        angie10
        Participant

        @joDee…that’s the best attitude to have. I find people who don’t ever admit they’ve made a mistake annoying LOL

    • #54927

      kimdalessandro
      Participant

      @rextrulove – If someone finds a mistake in one of my posts, I would greatly appreciate it if they would kindly let me know. That gives me a chance to correct it before too many others notice. I consider it helpful because I take pride in my work. We all make mistakes. 🙂 If someone says something that’s blatantly rude and not meant as helpful or as a joke, I probably wouldn’t reply. I’m not a fighter. I don’t get my feelings hurt as easily as I did when I was younger, but I’m still a kind-hearted person. If they want an argument, they will be conversing with themselves.

      With that said, many comments (and corrections) can be taken in a positive or a negative way. I try to see things in a positive light instead of automatically assuming that it was meant to hurt. In many cases, people don’t mean to sound rude or arrogant, especially online. The written word lacks the intonation of the voice. That’s why I use lots of smiley faces.

      I don’t want anyone to think that I’m being arrogant or hateful. I try my best to communicate with others in ways that I would appreciate. As the old saying goes, a person can win more bees with honey than they can with vinegar. Over-sensitivity is a huge problem these days. Unfortunately, many automatically assume that people are being unkind if they point out mistakes. I’m not like that. 🙂 Please let me know if you ever find any. I consider it helpful. It shows that you’re a caring friend. A little tactfulness goes a long way.

      • #54940

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        @kimdalessandro, you make a totally exceptional point. Whether we realize it or not, in face to face communications, 70% of the communication is non-verbal. That is body language, facial expression and so forth. Another 20% is verbal, but has nothing to do with what is said. That is tone of voice, inflection, volume and so forth. Only 10% of the communication is the actual words that are spoken.

        Speaking to a person over the phone, we are losing 70% of our communication, but retaining 30%. In emails, forum posts and even in articles, we are working with only 10% of our communication. That being the case, it is never wise to think that what is being written is automatically meant as an attack. Chances are that it isn’t.

    • #55305

      ptrk12
      Participant

      Mostly I admit it, but if there is a strategic game involved, and the other person can use my admission for his or her selfish motives, at times I do not do so.

    • #56203

      angie10
      Participant

      -and that actually reminds me, I know exactly the type of supervisor/manager/boss I don’t really like. This past week I’ve been working with one who thought it was a good idea to, every single day, without fail, sing the praises of one member of staff out 5. This was done very loudly for the rest of the team to hear. I mean, it was cringey and dripped of cheese LOL It also came across as contrived, as though he had ulterior motives. I didn’t like it because what that told me was she’s fantastic, but the rest of you are rubbish. Who knows why he was doing it.

      • #56283

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        If nobody else ever gets praise, there is no incentive for anyone else to work harder. Actually, it is the opposite because people start feeling unappreciated. A long time ago, I said that I will work harder for less pay if it is appreciated, than I will if it isn’t.

    • #56532

      peachpurple
      Participant

      honestly, I do feel offended when someone pointed out my mistake, even though for a good cause

      • #73055

        angie10
        Participant

        @peachpurple…I think it’s also dependent on the way it’s put across. Anybody would be offended if someone just came charging in, pointing out all their mistakes. There’s the right way of doing it.

    • #56585

      rextrulove
      Moderator

      It may be just me, but I would far rather have someone point out something I was doing wrong than to continue to blindly make the same mistake over and over. I think that part of that is my goal of wanting to be better today than I was yesterday, which is a daily goal. If I make mistakes I’m unaware of, there is zero chance that I will correct them, so I don’t become any better.

    • #56723

      Danny
      Participant

      Good thing I do practice to stay cool in that situation, no burst reaction when someone say offensive words to me.

    • #56839

      luciaanna
      Participant

      I do my best not to make the same mistake again @rextrulove. I agree with @cgalavia

      • #56852

        angie10
        Participant

        -and that’s all you can do; that and trying to learn from those mistakes as and when they happen @luciaanna 🙂 We’re all human, so we will make mistakes from time to time.

      • #56855

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        I’m exactly the same way, @luciaanna. In fact, I take it a step farther. I’m thankful for the mistakes I make, because without making mistakes, a person cannot learn.

      • #56857

        luciaanna
        Participant

        Actually, I think to have learnt a lot from my mistakes @rextrulove

      • #56858

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        That is a very good thing, @luciaanna. People who recognize that they are going to make mistakes and are determined to learn by them are a step ahead of the people who try to deny that they make mistakes or who automatically try to find someone else to blame.

      • #68341

        angie10
        Participant

        -and that’s the best way to approach those mistakes, @luciaanna…because I feel that we’d never learn from them otherwise.

    • #69967

      maggie
      Participant

      I used to be defense but not any more. Human is to error and we can only learn from them for a better tomorrow

    • #70237

      Andria Perry
      Participant

      Well, if I make a mistake, I would ask where and how its a mistake because I personally don`t make them. LOL.

      I do ask how and then I fix it, there is no need to be a butt about messing up, no one is perfect so things are gonna happen.

      I also have a sister that is bi-polar so I am used to hearing this **** outburst about how someone else messed up or MADE her mess up. Yeah been there and hate doing that.

      If I break something that belongs to someone else I tell them… so I am calm, cool and collective. AND I say okay a lot 🙂

    • #74199

      thisnthat
      Participant

      I think I’m generally pretty good at taking constructive criticism. Not always, but most of the time I try to learn from it. I’ve faced the fact that I am going to make mistakes. If someone points one out, in a decent way, it’s not something worth getting upset over, really.

    • #74369

      angie10
      Participant

      @thisnthat….I’m like you; I don’t mind it, as long as it’s constructive. Of course, it can smart a little, but we just have to take it on the chin and move on 🙂

    • #75227

      Anne Farmer
      Participant

      I can handle it fine. It’s when someone in general who always has to point out things you do wrong, never compliments or encourages (or rarely even when you do something that is favorable) and then even can’t take it themselves where I have the problem. I have one family member who has done this for years.

    • #77025

      nakitakona13
      Participant

      I am too sensitive. I never use to go in a company. But when I cannot evade a group of friends, a group of associates, I am to extra careful in joining with them especially in their conversation. Just in case, I have voiced my side on the discussion and I am wrong. They usually ridicule at me and put me to shame.

      I better keep my mouth shut. But with my family circle in joining with them, I never get hurt or disappointed in case I was caught flatfooted. I don’t want to feel them being embarrassed and they have to understand me.

    • #83899

      Shavkat
      Participant

      Whenever I commit mistakes, I just admit it. I don’t need to be defensive. If I do, it only shows that I don’t know the word humility.

      • #85964

        angie10
        Participant

        It’s definitely a lot better to admit where you’ve made a mistake, because if you don’t and you keep making glaring mistakes, you’ll almost certainly NEVER learn. A little humility sure goes a long in building a person’s character, IMHO 🙂

      • #85979

        nakitakona13
        Participant

        You are correct. Humbleness or humility is a virtue wherein a person admits his mistakes, feeling remorseful and committed not to repeat the mistakes made.

      • #86569

        angie10
        Participant

        @Gil Gamporazo….if there’s two things I really want to hang onto it’s my humbleness and humility 🙂

    • #84315

      Heart
      Participant

      I admit my mistakes. It is easier to admit than to be defensive. Then try not to do that mistake again.

    • #85965

      angie10
      Participant

      @Heart….don’t you just hate when you try to help someone, and they become defensive?! I don’t understand why some people do that at all! Probably because they believe they’re always right, I guess.

      • #85973

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        @angie10, I honestly believe that it is exactly the opposite. If they have low self esteem, they are likely to lash out and to be defensive. I’ve unfortunately dealt with a lot of people with low self esteem.

      • #85980

        angie10
        Participant

        Really?! I would still say maybe that’s true for some, but I’ve known some people who genuinely believe they can do no wrong, @rextruelove. The type who know it all and will dictate to others what’s right and what’s not ALL THE TIME, yet they never get it wrong themselves, and can’t be corrected. Well, in their heads, that is. They’re good at that, yet they can’t sort out their own mess LOL If that’s low esteem, they’re very good at hiding it.

      • #86457

        nakitakona13
        Participant

        To describe them in the simplest term, they are “hypocrites”. Aren’ they?

      • #86547

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        @nakitakona13, interestingly, I wrote an article some time back on what a hypocrite actually is. Hypocrites were held in high esteem in years gone by and they still are. The alternate meaning of the word is “actor”. LOL

      • #86593

        nakitakona13
        Participant

        They are actors, playing the different roles of not of their true selves.

      • #86608

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        Exactly right. 🙂

      • #86630

        nakitakona13
        Participant

        Hypocrites are vehemently disliked by the people. Nothing you can get from this kind of people

      • #86635

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        Unfortunately, many of them are highly successful…as politicians.

      • #86648

        Politics is the biggest whitewasher of all mistakes

      • #86954

        nakitakona13
        Participant

        That is the general impression of everyone. But not all politicians are like that. There are a lot of good politicians too.

      • #87112

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        Ah, but two points: 1. I didn’t say all politicians. 2. I did say “successful” politicians.

        Humans are imperfect, so no human political structure is going to be perfect. Since this is so, no politician will be perfect and the most successful politician is the person who has convinced the most people that he/she is the least imperfect. This means that “good” becomes entirely and completely subjective and the most successful will nearly always be the ones who are the best hypocrites/actors.

      • #87507

        nakitakona13
        Participant

        In short, politicians are hypocrites based on your discussion for they are the best actors and actresses

      • #87689

        rextrulove
        Moderator

        Yes, ‘best’ in the sense that they are the most convincing.

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