August 28, 2014 at 7:07 am #10101
i’m getting confused..what’s the role of the husband to his wife..and the role of wife to her husband
August 28, 2014 at 7:07 pm #10147
The role is anything that two consenting adults agree to. There is no “one right way” to do human relationships.
August 28, 2014 at 9:18 pm #10155
I agree with Amalthea Hustles. A marriage should be a partnership between two people helping each other out design their life and future family ahead. When you start adding “roles” to the marriage it just gets messy.No one should require the other one to do anything. Both have responsibilites to clean the kitchen,bathroom, living room, laundry, mow the lawn etc..
Now, if its more preferred for the female to clean while her husband does the lawn work..great! That’s still a partnership. If its the other way around…great also…or both can do it together!
I love the nights my Fiance BBQ’s the meat and I cook the rest of the dinner..feels like a real Team 🙂
August 28, 2014 at 10:41 pm #10170
My psych teacher always said that marriage is not 50 / 50 it is often 10/90 80/20 – someone picks up the slack when the other needs support. there is no specific role that I need to fill. Maybe I am in what looks like a traditional role, but there’s nothing traditional about our house. My boys do laundry, I fix the plumbing. I bake, my husband fixes my car. We all serve a purpose and our job as a family is to work together.
August 29, 2014 at 5:07 am #10212
Ah, Pegasus! I love this. Now that is how it should be — everyone pitches in doing whatever task needs done, without the whole stigma about gender specific tasks. I so loathe that stuff! Your way is how I’ve always loved it. It takes a certain kind of person to not worry about their task being “manly” or “girly.” How stupid to think of chores that way, anyways!
Yes, a marriage should be equal, and as others have already said (in better words than I could have), it’s not about rules. When you go into a marriage saying “And this is what your rules are, and you are forbidden to ever do this. But you are allowed to do this…” is when it’s not a marriage but something else… I don’t even know what, but certainly not a marriage. I like to say that “rules” don’t apply to our relationship (my S/O & I) because rules sound so awful. Like we allow or disallow things, and that’s not our job. That’s our parents’ jobs.
Instead of rules, we laid out all of our wants and things we wouldn’t tolerate (mistreatment) on the table from the get go, and 8 years later, here we are!
I agree that there aren’t any specific “roles” to a marriage. I think in the old days people viewed it as a role thing where men had their roles — hunting and stuff, where women had their roles — child bearing, cleaning, running a household and caring for kids. How boring and stuffy!
Some people still live that way, today and more power to them if that makes em’ happy. But for me, I’m in it for the love and the fun and the happiness, the bonding and the whole experience. Because that’s what marriage is supposed to be based around — love, and that is the only thing I’d go so far as to say is a “rule” for marriage: that you do it for love. No other reason is good enough. Um.. Well, unless for some reason a person needed to be married in order to receive some emergency health care service or something, but I don’t know if that really happens outside of TV. lol.
In the old days, people did not marry for love. Hell, even today there are some countries where it’s still that way. The parents find their kids’ partners and from there the goal is to have kids and work. 🙁
And as for “roles,” I’d have to say the same things as I did about marriage rules — there’s no such thing as any role except the role where you be yourself 100%, and the role of loving the person you marry unconditionally. Other than that, anything goes (well, anything you both agree on and both find happiness in.)
I don’t believe in having specific things that the husband does and that the wife does. It should be equal, and limitless.
August 29, 2014 at 12:10 am #10176
Maybe that’s why I’m getting confused. I guess husband and wife relationship really is a give and take. If the other one needs support the other one must be there ready to help. But can I ask, if it is a right thing that the wife is not handling her husbands money? I mean, like in my friend’s case, her husband is not letting her handle his money. It’s like her earnings is for the family but her husbands’ earnings is only his 🙁 this makes me confused why is she letting her husband do it to her. Is that okay?
August 29, 2014 at 12:16 am #10178
Yes, @Pegasus, that’s what I’ve learned too. Some people want a partner who will listen to them talk, some want someone to pick up around the house, some people want someone who will leave them alone — everyone has unique, individual human needs. So, as long as the people involved are happy and willing to keep doing what it takes, then as far as I’m concerned, they’re a good spousal pair.
August 29, 2014 at 12:24 am #10179
Hmm… in that case, @xelaiehm, I’m most curious how your friend feels about that. Does she outearn her husband, perhaps? I’ve known some couples where both partners had high paying jobs (both were engineers) and they kept their finances mostly separate — both contributed to rent and bills, but they never fully “merged.” They ended up breaking up over tension over one partner having a big sense of inadequacy in regards to their career success while the other ended up working for a major firm. So, some more details on your friend and her husband’s specific dynamic would probably reveal whether or not that arrangement was actually equitable.
August 29, 2014 at 12:33 am #10182
Her husband is working abroad and she has really no idea how much her husband is earning there. Her husband is just using remittance centers to give her some support. Though she is also working she is really not the type of handling all of the earnings of her husband. But sometimes it gets her into thinking that her husband do not trust her that much when it comes to money matters 🙁
August 29, 2014 at 12:55 am #10190
Yes, that does sound pretty worrying… Why all the secrecy? It’s good that he’s sending money back to her, and I guess if he’s not “in” the household, it’s a little different, but does he know that his withholding reporting his earnings is hurting her? Maybe it’s a pride issue on his part.
September 6, 2014 at 9:00 am #10894
A marriage has to be 100%- 100%, there has to be give and take on both parties. If one partner is feeling down or overwhelmed the other has to take up the slack! There are many times in my marriage that my husband has been severely depressed and I have had to work, take care of kids, visit him in the hospital, pay all of the bills ect. But, I have found when we work together and he also picks up when I need him too it really strengthens our relationship!! I have also found that our relationship with God has helped us through everything!!!:)
September 6, 2014 at 10:00 am #10899
as for for it is a compensating factor between the two parties that has to be taken into consideration to the point that each party is satisfied by the contribution of the other
September 9, 2014 at 10:28 am #11203
I agree with many of the previous answers. It’s important to find what works for you and your significant other. If there is a role you don’t want to fulfill, you shouldn’t have to do it. But, you should also be willing to compromise if your spouse is willing to do some things they don’t want to do. It’s all about personal preference and working together. No one partner should decide everything for the relationship.
October 8, 2015 at 5:23 am #37207
Not very different nowadays I think. Both can do what the other does.
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