Conversations – People and People in my Head

I`m the shy one of the bunch, but not as shy as the one standing behind momma peeking around her leg.

Its seems as life continued I was told ” Go in and ask ___ __.” with a little shove as I protested that I did not want to. Talking to people was not my thing.

Then I grew up and was pushed even more by people who did not know that it was terrifying for me to walk up and just talk to people, I kept it hid well so not to be the freak of the world. But I learned fast that I had to ask the people what they wanted to order with a smile and kindness if I was to get a quarter or a dollar as they left after their meal.

The words ” That is not very becoming” stuck in the back of my brain as my old sister criticized me for my appearance in my tween year. A few years later my old brother words still echo in the back of my head ” Stop talking stupid, you`ll never buy that.” Huh?

Now its always talking to strangers , no matter where I am, everyone is a stranger. Make friends with the strangers people say, I did. Some betray me and others keep secrets for me.

People who claim to know me say” you do not have a shy bone in your body.” Others say ” what a smart ass.”

Another said ” She is an oak and can weather the storms.” While smiling faces wanting to reap the benefits of my labor say ” You can do it, I know you can.”

Critics tell me how to ___ ___, I have to reply with a ” When I am rich and famous I will hire people to fix it, I call them editors.” “Mouthy little bitch” they answer back.

Life is weird.

Some people act as they like you and what you do , I reckon to keep the peace. Others are invisible, see right through the bullshit and you feel the sharpness of their tongues in just a few written sentences.

But I am an Oak! Right?

The shy girl is sensitive but hides it well, no one will see her tears.

Just quit, walk away says that little voice within.

The stubborn voice pops up and says ” Hell, no! Don`t let Miss sharp tongue run you off, just ignore her! For she is no better than you.”

Stay or walk away? Be part of the team and endure? Figure out what the problem is? Jealous maybe? Decisions, decisions!

By Andria Perry
Art by Andria Perry called “Censored”