One Week – Thoughts And Fears

I searched the correct terms online and came up with it in no time flat. It has a slided page so I can see each page. I immediately stop looking and I click the X in the corner. “Just kill the whole page,” I thought to myself.

I visited the weekly group online and announced I would not be around this week, I said ” I am burned out.”

Sunday came and I had the urge to get into the car and go anyways, “just two” I was telling myself. The Angel on my shoulder whispered “no! you can do this!”

Monday comes and I know what is in my purse, the list and the envelop and the money. I have one more day if I cannot make it today.

Itchy palms came all day Tuesday and my car was in the shop. I asked my ride for the day ” Will you stop by and let me run in?” The answer was ” Can you do it in the next town? I have to deliver work materials.” I answered “Yeah, sure.”

He stopped for hamburger meat at the little neighborhood store, Food outlet, and I spied some of those French horns filled with delicious creme, I turned my head and walked fast, I looked back and thought about all the pain those would cause for a few seconds of heaven and ran to check out.

The drive home was tiring even though I stopped for a cup of coffee and sipped the entire way.

At home, because of the hamburger meat, I seen the time and I knew I would not get to go.

Sadness swept over me. I cooked dinner and I was always looking at the clock, time ticking away.

I gave up and went to the office and sat down to write, as usual but usually I am not sad for wanting to go do this as badly as I wanted it in that moment.

T.V.! my weekly show was about to come on, Tick tock, tick tock, getting later and later.

By the time both NCIS shows were off I gave up to complete disappointment knowing I was not going to do this. One week, that is all I kept telling myself, inside my head one week echoed.

Although I had the list from the online paper, Although I had the coupons in the envelope to buy what was on the list, although I had enough money to pay the taxes. I made it one week without buying anything with coupons, no extreme coupons. No stockpile additions.

Resolution number one ” cut back on shopping for stockpile items”. One week of wanting but one week of not doing.

By Andria Perry
Photo By Andria Perry