Monthly Archives: September 2015

I have been sitting here for HOURS with this page open, and have not written a thing.  Actually hours upon hours upon hours if you count the time I had it open yesterday as well.

I’m a little hazy from the pain medicine (Hurt my arm) but mostly is the NOISE and CROWDING I feel right now.

Currently hubby is playing a star wars video game.  Lots of shooting and explosing (yeah, I totally make up a word)  and I’m here like…I thought Jedi used light sabers, whats up with all the blasted blasting!?!

My youngest is whining because he wants everything his older brother is playing with.

My oldest is playing with his star wars figures and is providing his own sound effects.  The blaster and explosion noises from my 5 year old’s mouth is even louder than what is coming out of the tv.

I’m in my corner virtually banging my head on my desk and thinking I should probably just take another pain pill and go to bed because nothing constructive is going to come out of my pain filled, drugged up brain with all this ruckus about.

I have spent some time today jotting down a list of blog ideas.

And niche ideas.

I’ve always been a personal blogger, not a niche blogger.  But after 15 some odd years of personal blogging I have come to the conclusion that my personal life is just not thrilling enough for me to earn a penny writing about it.  Even though it works for some people like The Bloggess.

So, its either find a niche that I know something about that won’t bore me to tears or get a more interesting life.

And my life consists of going to work.  Come home.  Going to work.  Coming home.  Going to work.  Coming home. Etc, Etc into Infinity and Beyond.

So, Niche Hunting it is.

G’morning.

Today dawned grey and wet again.  Blue sky is trying to push its way though the clouds, but the clouds push back harder.

On the walk to school it drizzled and misted.  My son complained that his glasses were getting wet.  I told him it was HIS idea to walk instead of ride.  I told him I could dry his glasses when we got to class and he was okay after that.

We had a small adventure.  A burned out car parked on the sidewalk in our way.  Doors open, glass everwhere.  And oh, the horrible stink of burned and wet seat padding, or whatever it was that smelled so bad.

We had to walk out in the street to go around the mess.

“What happened to that car?”
“It burned baby.”
“How did it get burned up?”
“I don’t know, it just caught on fire.”
“How do cars catch on fire?”
“I don’t know baby, there are a lot of ways cars can catch on fire.  Somebody could have left a burning cigarette in it.  Or it could have gotten too hot and just burned up.  Or someone could have set it on fire to be mean.”

On the way back I didn’t walk out in the street, but down the sidewalk.  Glass crack, crack, cracked under my shoes.  I wonder if it will be gone tomorrow.

I doubt it.  We will probably have to walk out in the street again.  I can crunch through broken window glass, but I won’t risk my son slipping and falling into it.

Of course I wont.

I’m in a good mood today, and hate to ruin it by going to work. But I have to go, and I know that I will be miserable within minutes of being that.  That is what happens when you go somewhere that is basically a soul suck every day.

Oh well, at least I have a job.

And if I look out the window I can see a corner of blue.

Outside the cicadas are singing in the trees, and I’m trying to get a cup of coffee into myself before I leave for work.

Today is my Monday, having left my “weekend” behind.  Having to go back to work.  Having to hang my head and face the consiquences of not having been there for a big visit.

On the bright side, I wasn’t there for the big visit.

Today is…
humid.
hot.
muggy.

The temperature is supposed to hit the 90s again and the autumn fairy in my soul is SCREAMING for fall weather to show up.  Give me a cool morning at least.  Give me waking up in the middle of the night shivering and cold from the creeping chill.

Give me more coffee, because I’m gonna need it to keep rolling forward this morning.

I don’t really have anything deep or meaningful to share today.  I just wanted to make sure to get a post in before I left for work, but not much has happened.

We walked to school.  Someone yarked on the sidewalk on the way and that was gross.  You can’t exactly wax poetic about a pile of yark.

There was a young cat wondering on the school grounds.  Not a kitten but not a grownup.  A child stopped to pet it.  I wanted to pet it but I was on the other side of the road as Nanna walked him in today, to see his classroom, meet his teacher.

I should really be getting dressed instead of blogging.

Procrastination at its finest.  Putting off as long as I can the suiting up and going to work.  Putting off the earning the money that pays the bills and little else.

I want to be a kid again when I could spend my allowance on anything I wanted.  I miss getting to have fun with my money.

I don’t want to adult today.

A new month dawned today, with another thick grey sheet over the sky.

There was blue yesterday.  No blue this morning.

Hello September.
I’m not ready for you.

I love autumn, but the world around me still thinks its summer.  I suppose it is still summer for now..until later this month, but I want to feel autumn in the air.  I want it.  I said, I WANT IT!

Nope.

Yesterday, the last day of August, was a good day.  A great day.  A fun day.  Laughter was had in large quantities.

Then the sun went down.

I’ve battled with depression for most of my life, and it is a battle.  Last night my brain was on the offensive.  My mind was full of horrible, scary, evil thoughts and I could not make it shut up.

I didn’t get much sleep.

I was cranky when I woke up this morning, and I have worn my bad attitude like a shield through today.

Today is not how I wanted my September to start.  I had plans for this month.  They were good plans.  Pleasant plans.  Productive plans.

Now this blasted monster in my head is out to ruin it all for me.

Think happy thoughts.
Think happy thoughts.
Think happy thoughts.

NO!
NO!
NO!

The dog is going to the vet.  His ear is swollen huge.  More money spend on mans best friend.

I need new jeans.  I need shampoo and feminine products.  I need a new mattress because mine is so sagging in the middle I sleep in a hole.

There is never enough money to go around.

*sigh*

Yes, September did not glide gracefully into existence.  It fell, screaming in dismay, onto the hot wet ground that August left behind.

Now bruised.  Now battered.   Still a newborn already suffering.

At least the sun came out.  The ground is still wet, and hot, but bright.  At least outside it is.

In my brain, it is still very dark.