When I was back at my parent’s house packing, I found this incredibly old book that I totally forgot that I had. 799 pages of the life and adventures of Sherlock Holmes wrapped in gold! I started reading it a few days ago and I must say that I’m pretty disappointed in myself for not reading it before now. It’s amazing! It’s extremely well-written and interesting, there’s always a surprising ending to each chapter. I will most certainly use ages to finish it though, since it’s 799 pages and they’re all as big as a A¤ paper and packed with words. I also use a long time to read each book I find because I want to see every single little detail and remember it. Sometimes when a book is boring and there’s a load of pages, I don’t complete reading it and this was what I thought when I started on the first pages of the book, but I was completely wrong because this book is intensely interesting. There’s a lot going on in each chapter and the mind of Sherlock Holmes is stunning, the way he think, the way he act, just everything! I never thought I would like it because I’ve seen some episodes of the tv series and to be honest, I didn’t like it at all, but the books are always different of course. There are many details that are left out when a movie or a tv series is made out of a book and that is why I usually don’t watch movies based on books, especially not movies that are based on really famous writers’ books.
This is one of the longest books I’ve ever started on, I don’t think I own another book that is over 500 words and I think that I will use a lot more time on this book than any other because there are much to take in and sometimes I have to read over a page twice or even thrice because there are so many details that you need to remember. I highly recommend reading this book though!
Right now I’m sitting between all my boxes waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. He’s coming in tops 5 minutes I guess and I can’t wait to start unpacking and finding places to put my stuff! Finally I’ve got my own apartment and this is probably the best feeling I’ve had in a while, knowing that tomorrow I’ll be waking up next to the most beautiful man I’ve seen, showering in my own shower and making breakfast in my own kitchen! I am so happy at this moment and I hope it will last. My boss told me to take the day off tomorrow so that I can decorate my home and settle in, I insisted that I should go to work because I don’t really want to take the day off, I absolutely love my job, but she told me with a smile that it was fine and that she looks forward to seeing me again on Wednesday.
The first thing I unpacked was my stereo and computer, don’t think I can survive decorating my apartment without any music. I’m actually sitting here, almost jumping up and down because I’m so excited. We’re going to brew loads of coffee, listen to exceptional music and unpack all my things. This would be quite hard to do on my own because I have so much stuff, but luckily my boyfriend wanted to help me with all of this. I think this was meant to be because this apartment is just what I wanted and it showed up exactly at the right time of my life! I guess that my boyfriend is going to stay over here for a couple of days just to make sure that everything is al right since I’ve got quite a big problem getting any sleep in a totally new place. Even though I have difficulties with that, I don’t think it will be a problem here because I feel safe here, really safe actually. It feels like I belong here and I can honestly say that I’m finally happy.
I absolutely hate being sick… There’s so much that needs to be done, but I can’t do anything because my head hurts and my nose is clogged. Also my throat hurts too. Almost every person I’ve met this past week has gotten sick, a cold, and I guess it is because of the weather. The only thing I hate about autumn is that I’m almost constantly sick, I have to do something about that. Eat healthier, drink more water and keep warm. Hopefully that will help.
Tomorrow I’m going to look at the apartment and close the deal. Most certainly moving in on Monday! I can’t wait. This is such a huge step for me, moving into my own apartment and it will be so delightful to decorate it myself. I already know how most of it is going to look and trust me, there are going to be loads of flowers and plants in there! Especially in the living room. I can’t wait to wake up on Tuesday morning, put on some music, drink coffee and look out the big window in the living room (it’s not a regular window, it covers the whole wall that’s facing the sea). This is what keeps me going at the moment, the thought of waking up all alone in an apartment I know is all mine.
I’m wondering if I should go to work tomorrow, I really miss the people there and most of all, I miss my boss. Wouldn’t have expected that, but so it is. None of the people I’ve spoken to before have said that they love their boss, I’m pretty lucky that has gotten a boss that I can honestly say I love! She’s extremely kind and somehow she knows when I need a break and I find that very important because sometimes I faint when I’m too exhausted. I love my job so much, I hope I can work there for as long as I wish.
I’ve lost a lot of friends throughout my life and I know that it’s all my fault. I can’t really put any words to why or what I do what I do because I have no idea which things I do that people lose interest in me. It hurts when someone starts yelling at me for something I’ve done even though I know that what I did wasn’t wrong. Sometimes I think those friends I’ve lost came up with an excuse for not being with me just because… I’m horrible. People seem to like me very much when we hang out, but nobody ever asks me if I want to meet them. I’m always the one who has to contact people and that’s not how a friendship is supposed to be, right? It doesn’t seem worth it when there’s only one person who tries to keep in contact.
It has always been this way. I can’t think of one person that I’ve been friends with for more than two or three years. It’s depressing because I want some of those people I lost to be here in my life right now. I think of them and I miss them very much. There’s nothing I can say or do to get them back because I don’t know what I should apologize for. Maybe people don’t want to hang out with me or maybe it’s something I always do that makes them lose interest in me. Either way it’s extremely frustrating because at this moment I’ve got almost zero friends and the loneliness is eating me up. I’ve got my boyfriend al right, but there’s nobody I can call except him. Of course can I call him when I want to hang out with someone, but I don’t want to hang out with him too much either because he has things to do. He has friends he needs to make some time for too. I am so tired of not having friends, I have absolutely no idea what I should do about anything any more.
My mood is on top. Really! I’m having such a great time and while writing this I’m sitting looking out over some mountaintops with the sun shining on them. My boyfriend took me to his cabin a few hours away from town, something he has never showed me or even talked about before. The view is exceptional here and I’m absolutely loving every single second of this weekend. I love sitting here watching him read or make food or working out. I’m feeling like the luckiest girl in the whole universe right now and I really am. Nothing other than a smile is on my face when I look at this guy that just fell into my life and became a pretty big part of it.
I’ve looked at some apartments too and he is going to help me choose one. So far I’ve looked at 5 apartments, but there’s one that’s more appealing than the others. It has a big living room, two bathrooms (and the downstairs bathroom even has a bathtub!), two bedrooms, a small, neat kitchen and a cosy porch. I calculated what I’m going to earn each month and it’s enough to rent this! The best part is that the apartment is right beside the woods and there’s so many places where I can run and hike. Everything seems to fall into place and I can honestly say that this is the best thing that has happened to me in many weeks. I’m finally starting my own life! I first thought that I would have a really hard time finding the perfect apartment for me, but it looks like this was meant to be. I’m so extremely happy about this, I needed to share it with you! Now we’re going for a hike and I don’t think I’ll be back on here before tomorrow.
This is one of the things that frustrates me the most: girls are treated differently than boys in almost every situation there is. Now I’m talking about girls and boys, not women and men. For example, if you’re at a bar and you’re a guy, you don’t get free drinks by total strangers, you need to pay for them yourself. If you’re a girl, you can almost get shitfaced in half an hour without spending any money if you don’t control yourself. The free drinks are everywhere. Especially if you’re attractive. It probably has to do with the word “gentleman”, but I think that the only reason for why boys buy drinks to total strangers is because they want the girls to get drunk and then they’ll take them home with them. Some boys do it only to be nice though, not every boy thinks with their genitalia.
It’s sometimes nice to be that girl who gets all the free drinks too, to be honest. You don’t need to spend money on drinks so you don’t have to worry waking up in the morning with nothing in your wallet. But at the same time it’s disrespectful because nobody thinks straight when they’re drunk and the boys are using you. It’s no fun to wake up in the morning, realizing what happened last night and feeling so ashamed and angry with yourself. This has happened to me many times and when you think of how that boy used you just for sexual pleasure, you think of yourself as silly and naive (maybe that’s just me, but I’ve heard other people say the same thing). Be careful the next time you’re out drinking, I don’t think you want to be used by a total stranger just for fun.
This is a pretty cool story because what happened that day in cold December was extremely unexpected. I didn’t know where my father was and neither did my stepmother, even though she always knew where he was, so it was something mysterious about this. She never keeps anything away from me, she always tells me everything there is to tell. I went out for a walk, something I would usually do when I was bored, made some snowballs and played with my cat for some time. There was still no sign of my father when I got back home, all that greeted me was the smell of my stepmothers home made chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. We sat in the living room, eating cake, smoking cigarettes and watched a movie (I don’t remember the title of the movie, but it was pretty interesting.
Hours passed and I started to get worried. My stepmother said there was nothing to worry about because he was probably just out fixing some thing. Finally, after five hours of waiting, my father showed up at the door. He yelled my name, and I though that I had done something wrong. “Come here, NOW!”. Oh no no no, what have I done this time? He was very angry and I was trying to find the reason for why he was angry with me. He demanded me to put on some shoes and come out. When I stepped out from the door, he wasn’t angry at all. He was smiling. I think you understand that I was extremely confused at this point. I followed him to the front side of the house and can you imagine what was standing on the ground? A helicopter! I have no idea where he got the money from, but he said he wanted to surprise me. He didn’t buy it of course, he just rented it. We flew for a very long time, chatted, and saw some amazing mountain tops.
This is one of the best memories I have. It’s so pleasing to look at the photographs I took that time whenever I’m sad because they always cheer me up, no matter what.
Guess what! I got a job! You have NO idea how happy I am right at this point! And me who thought I was never going to get one… It’s probably one of the best jobs I could ever think of too. It’s at this big photography archive or what I’m going to call it, where I sort out and pick the photos from huge photographers that are going to be printed in the local newspaper. It’s not the job I was hoping for, but it’s a good start, right? My first day is tomorrow at 10 o’clock and this is all I can think of right now. I should be off studying, but I guess that my brain won’t be able to concentrate because of what just happened. They told me that I was perfect for they job because they took a look at my portfolio and saw all the photographs I took a few years ago. As you know, I’m quite interested in photography too, not just writing and drawing. I have no idea what I’m going to do right now, I am very, very, VERY excited! The only downside to this is that I get even less free time that I can spend on this site. I will log in once a day or so to say hi though, but I’ll really miss talking to you because you’re all so supporting and kind! It will be good to do something else all day than just sitting beside the computer and be bored though. This means that I can finally rent my own apartment too! Also, I’ll blog on here just for the sake of the fun, not the money, I won’t be needing that anymore since I’ve got a well paid job. I need to find something to do throughout the day so I get my thoughts on other things than the day tomorrow!
Whenever I’m sad, I try to think of the good things about life. I’ve made a list and here it is:
– Tea and coffee
– The sun in my eyes
– Being able to do things without feeling pain
– My heart beating steadily
– Good memories
– The beautiful view when you’re standing on top of a mountain
– Warm showers
– That first bite you take after many hours without food
– Seeing the person you love smile
– Waking up in a tent in the woods
– Reading good books and watching good movies
– The first bite of something you’ve been craving for so long
– Laying down under freshly washed sheets at night when you’re exhausted
– Listening to music until you fall asleep
– Writing something really good
– The smell of incense and scented candles
– Breathing in the cold autumn air
– Cigarettes and beer
– Talking to someone you haven’t been talking with in a while
– Reading something positive that is totally relevant to you
– When someone wants to hang out with you
– Trying on old clothes and realizing that you can’t wear them any more because you’ve gained weight (yay me!)
– Having a good conversation with someone you usually argue with all the time
– When someone you don’t really talk to that much ask you how you’re doing and what you’re up to
– When your cat wants to snuggle with you
– When someone tells you that they’re proud of you
– Reading through things you wrote some years back
– Seeing your niece or talking with her on the phone
– Playing guitar
– Learning something new or reading about something you’re interested in
– The smell of newly baked cookies right out of the oven
– Actually drawing and painting something decent
– Hearing the words “I love you” (especially if they come from someone you’re very fond of)
– Accomplishing something you’ve worked on for a long time
There isn’t much variation in my days. I wake up, I eat breakfast, I try to come up with good ideas to blog about, write them down, watch Dexter, maybe go for a run, read a bit, and when night comes, I write. A lot. I don’t just write blogs, I write short stories and currently I’m working on a novel. To be honest, I feel like my life has become what I promised myself I would never let it become. Boring. I’ve always hated routines, but this is all there is: routines. Right at this moment I can’t think of even one small thing that I’m happy with. It’s bothering me so incredibly much because this wasn’t the life I dreamt of, this is the life I’ve always dreaded. Yes, writing is something I like, but when that’s all you usually do and you have barely no one to hang out with, talk with, it becomes a vicious circle and it’s extremely hard to snap out of it. I want to start studying, but I don’t want to ask my mother if she can pay that bill that’s been laying here for such a long time. If I can’t pay that bill, I won’t get any support to pay for my studies.
I am bored. I’ve been bored for the past two years of my life. This is how I spend my days. There are so many things I want to do, but those things require money. There’s one thing that doesn’t require money, but I’m too lazy for it. Go out and get to know someone new. It would help me a lot. But then again, if I get to know someone new, I need money to take the bus to town to meet them. I haven’t got any money for that. This is literally driving me crazy.