This is not how I wanted it to be

The weekend has “finally” arrived and there’s probably a huge part of the population who is thankful for that, but I’m one of few who isn’t. Weekend means spending time alone to me because I officially have no friends left. My best friend has moved to another city because she needed a fresh start and well, you know the story behind me and my boyfriend. I could always sit down and continue on my novel and I’ve tried that, but it’s quite hard when my brain is tired and not cooperating. I could always go out and run, hike, push myself to my limits, but I’m too tired after this long week at work. I could always write on here, but that’s even harder to do than continuing on my novel because nothing interesting is happening in my life at the moment and it’s dragging me down. I have loads of drafts, but I can’t find the motivation to start writing on them and finishing them because it’s drafts about things that isn’t really what I want to write about. I want an interesting life, I want to hang out with friends and do loads of crazy stuff. I realize now that this is probably meant to be for me, not having friends or anything like that because I have never gotten along with anyone before. All my friendships have been thrown away like garbage and I’ve always been the one who has said or done something unforgivable. I have tried so many times to change, but without any luck because I’m me and I’ve realized now that it’s nothing I can change. This is who I am and I’m meant to be alone. This is how my life is meant to be, despite how much it hurts and how lonely it gets, I can’t do anything about it.

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